Where should the girl live if her in laws live in islamabad and your parents are in Lahore. You are currently waiting for your paper work to come and your husband has left. . Your in laws house only has one brother in law and father in law.
Where does one stay if your husband is out of town?
Is she living in her own place? Is this a long term shift? In that case, maybe move back with parents?
Re: Where does one stay if your husband is out of town?
currently living with husband at in laws in islamabad. Husband and his mother leave after eid for Canada while i wait for visa..
Mil expects me to stay at my in laws with my fil and bil stating it's my house now I should feel like it's my house.
What do I do? My husband thinks I should spend some time at parents some at their house
Re: Where does one stay if your husband is out of town?
Since there's no other female beside you in the house, I would go back to the parents house.
The girls who I know personally have always lived with their parents until paper work was done if the husband had left.
Re: Where does one stay if your husband is out of town?
My wife was living with her parents when she was waiting for the visa. Even though my dad and mom said that she should stay at my parents house even for a couple days, I had to intervene and talk to my parents to let her stay at her parents house and to visit my parents place once a week for a couple hours (only if she wanted).
Re: Where does one stay if your husband is out of town?
Girls generally split time but the all male household is just awkward especially if you don't know them well enough.
You could try making it a 20/80 split with more time with parents but still some time at the inlaws to appease them.
Re: Where does one stay if your husband is out of town?
^ good advice.
the mil is right about the fact that now its your house too so u shud live there but for that to be comfortable there should have been another women in the house or you and your husband along with the mil would have stayed in that house for few months for you to feel at home.
ideally the mil should not ask u to stay there considering all these factors.
Re: Where does one stay if your husband is out of town?
You should ask your mother in law to stay behind too. Tell your husband clearly that you don't feel comfortable being the only female and go to your parents home.
Re: Where does one stay if your husband is out of town?
?...and to visit my parents place once a week for a couple hours (only if she wanted).
Bari vaddia gal ha?! Good u intervened when u shud have i.e to let her stay at her parents but saying that she should visit her in laws once a week that too at her will doesn't really say much about you as a son or even as a balanced person.
Please don't take offence but i wonder why we can't we have a balanced attitude.
Re: Where does one stay if your husband is out of town?
Bari vaddia gal ha?! Good u intervened when u shud have i.e to let her stay at her parents but saying that she should visit her in laws once a week that too at her will doesn't really say much about you as a son or even as a balanced person.
Please don't take offence but i wonder why we can't we have a balanced attitude.
it is a very balanced view. She married her husband and not the whole kumba. When husband isn't there why should she stay with the in laws and that too a na mehram brother in law with no other females.
our culture is so biased. Men are absolved of all responsibility to their in laws but women have to bow to the whims of their in laws. And why should this reflect badly on him as a son?
Re: Where does one stay if your husband is out of town?
Bari vaddia gal ha?! Good u intervened when u shud have i.e to let her stay at her parents but saying that she should visit her in laws once a week that too at her will doesn't really say much about you as a son or even as a balanced person.
Please don't take offence but i wonder why we can't we have a balanced attitude.
Not sure what you mean here. Are you saying that I should have told my wife that she need to visit my parents more and also live there when I am not there?
Does that also means that if the situation was reversed and I was the one in Pakistan waiting for the visa and my in-laws lived in Pakistan that I should have lived at their place as well?
Re: Where does one stay if your husband is out of town?
Mil expects me to stay at my in laws with my fil and bil stating it's my house now I should feel like it's my house.
1) Is there a maid in the house at all? Or is it really just you, the only, female there?
2) How long will your MIL stay i n Canada?
3) Does your FIL and BIL work? Do you work? Or are all 3 of you in the house 24/7?
Re: Where does one stay if your husband is out of town?
while hubby is away, you should stay at your mom's place...if not, then stay at your hubby's place to serve his mother. do you like serving her 24/7? :D
Re: Where does one stay if your husband is out of town?
stay at your parents if your husband isn't there. makes no sense to stay in susraal if husband is not even there. you're married to him, not his family
Re: Where does one stay if your husband is out of town?
I stayed with my in laws while awaiting my papers and that was the period of almost two years. I used to go and stay with my parents once in a month.
But in my case, I wasn't the only female at my in laws. I had my MIL and two SILs there.
However, I personally believe it is weird to stay there if no female is around.
She just wants you to practice your cooking for them , so you will become an expert by the time it's just the two of you. Very normal..... said no one ever.
Re: Where does one stay if your husband is out of town?
Stay at your parents house.
Re: Where does one stay if your husband is out of town?
it is a very balanced view. She married her husband and not the whole kumba. When husband isn't there why should she stay with the in laws and that too a na mehram brother in law with no other females.
our culture is so biased. Men are absolved of all responsibility to their in laws but women have to bow to the whims of their in laws. And why should this reflect badly on him as a son?
Bibi! Pehle gaur c parh lia kare. I was not talking about op's situation. If you had bothered to read my reply properly, it was directed towards us1415 hence his post was quoted.
my views on op's situation was also shared but only if you had bothered to read before making all kinds of assumtions.
Not sure what you mean here. Are you saying that I should have told my wife that she need to visit my parents more and also live there when I am not there?
Does that also means that if the situation was reversed and I was the one in Pakistan waiting for the visa and my in-laws lived in Pakistan that I should have lived at their place as well?
wohooo! I hope my posts are visible to everyone because what you are making out of them was definately not said. I actually said in op's situation the mil SHOULD NOT ask the dil to stay at her inlaws keeping the circumstances in mind. Also, i said the same to u that u did right by making sure of your wife's comfort. HOWEVER yes its super odd for any one with respectful and fine treating parents to say to their wife that you can visit them once a week that too if you want to. Like what the hell? Marriage to u people is all about wife and husband only? What happened to the families on both ends? Do they brought u up only so that you grow up and only care about your feelings? Your emotions?
& and NO boys don't live at their inlaws so unless u were a ghar jamai, i wouldnt recommend you that either. However visiting them would be a must for you as it should be for your wife.
Re: Where does one stay if your husband is out of town?
Bari vaddia gal ha?! Good u intervened when u shud have i.e to let her stay at her parents but saying that she should visit her in laws once a week that too at her will doesn't really say much about you as a son or even as a balanced person.
Please don't take offence but i wonder why we can't we have a balanced attitude.
It is balanced.
Joint family system is not even mentioned in Islam...nor is it encouraged.
Re: Where does one stay if your husband is out of town?
shouldn't the girl spend as much time with her parents as possible before leaving for a new country so far away?? being married does not mean that her parents no longer matter to her! I can't believe anyone would actually expect the girl to stay with her inlaws in the last few months before goes so far from them. If she wants to visit her inlaws, its upto her.