Re: Where does one stay if your husband is out of town?
^^ and why dnt men live with their in laws if women should? Families at "both ends" should be treated the same which they are not and then the women's in laws create all sorts of drama. This is your house now HA
Re: Where does one stay if your husband is out of town?
^^ and why dnt men live with their in laws if women should? Families at "both ends" should be treated the same which they are not and then the women's in laws create all sorts of drama. This is your house now HA
something i always wondered. i wonder how many men would be able to put up with living in their susraal, obeying the wife's parents, and not spend as much time with their own parents.
Re: Where does one stay if your husband is out of town?
we will never know, but i guess man and women have different roles
#inb4feminaziskillme](http://www.paklinks.com/gs/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=inb4feminaziskillme)
Re: Where does one stay if your husband is out of town?
Also, i said the same to u that u did right by making sure of your wife's comfort. HOWEVER yes its super odd for any one with respectful and fine treating parents to say to their wife that you can visit them once a week that too if you want to. Like what the hell? Marriage to u people is all about wife and husband only? What happened to the families on both ends? Do they brought u up only so that you grow up and only care about your feelings? Your emotions?
& and NO boys don't live at their inlaws so unless u were a ghar jamai, i wouldnt recommend you that either. However visiting them would be a must for you as it should be for your wife.
I don't even think my grandmother thought like this.
This is a very very very very desi approach to things...people are slowly walking away from this mentality.
Parents are their sons and daughters responsibilities...not their DIL's.
Re: Where does one stay if your husband is out of town?
Sure they can have different roles, but does her role include living with inlaws??
as for your clever hashtag, if a woman is against joint family system and wont live like that, she is a 'feminazi"?
Re: Where does one stay if your husband is out of town?
Sure they can have different roles, but does her role include living with inlaws?? as for your clever hashtag, if a woman is against joint family system and wont live like that, she is a 'feminazi"?
lol no I'm not a fan of joint families myself but my hashtag was aimed at the people that might berate me for suggesting that men and women have different roles :D
Re: Where does one stay if your husband is out of town?
Bibi! Pehle gaur c parh lia kare. I was not talking about op's situation. If you had bothered to read my reply properly, it was directed towards us1415 hence his post was quoted.
my views on op's situation was also shared but only if you had bothered to read before making all kinds of assumtions.
wohooo! I hope my posts are visible to everyone because what you are making out of them was definately not said. I actually said in op's situation the mil SHOULD NOT ask the dil to stay at her inlaws keeping the circumstances in mind. Also, i said the same to u that u did right by making sure of your wife's comfort. HOWEVER yes its super odd for any one with respectful and fine treating parents to say to their wife that you can visit them once a week that too if you want to. Like what the hell? Marriage to u people is all about wife and husband only? What happened to the families on both ends? Do they brought u up only so that you grow up and only care about your feelings? Your emotions?
& and NO boys don't live at their inlaws so unless u were a ghar jamai, i wouldnt recommend you that either. However visiting them would be a must for you as it should be for your wife.
Even though what you wrote should get my blood boiling since you are judging me without knowing me at all but its not because it feels like I am trying to make a kid understand grown up logic. So I would have to be patient and try to make you see where I am coming from.
You are saying that its bad of me to let my wife decide when she wants to visit my parent while I am not there and she has only been married for a month. (Did I get it right this time?)
My logic on this is that my wife married me and I married her. My parents have some obligations of me as well and I need to work on them myself not my wife. Islamically, its not my wife's duty to be a daughter to my parents, its my duty to be a son to them. If I need someone to take care of my parents, I need to do it myself and if I cannot, I can ask my wife to do me a favor, not order her. (Does it make sense at all?)
Now let me ask you a question: I dont know if you are married but if you are please guide us on how to be perfect in balancing the married life and your's/his parents.
Re: Where does one stay if your husband is out of town?
Maybe your MIL just wants you to check up on them.. since they're both men, I don't know if there's a maid or some other female relative who comes by and cooks, cleans, etc. Maybe that's the reason why she wants you to stay behind. If I were you, I would just discuss the matter with your husband and let him handle it from there. Getting into a discussion with your MIL about you not wanting to stay, etc might just make her think you're picking your parents over them. I don't know how your relationship is with your MIL, so I would just say let your husband speak to your MIL about it.
You can always stop by when you get the chance, maybe drop off some food, check on the house, etc. I would do that for my FIL and BIL if there was no other women in the home. I don't know how they are so I'm also judging that they aren't into cooking, cleaning... but if they can manage things on their own or there's another female around who does it then it shouldn't be a big deal. But I would still visit them regularly and call.
Re: Where does one stay if your husband is out of town?
I don't even think my grandmother thought like this.
This is a very very very very desi approach to things...people are slowly walking away from this mentality.
Parents are their sons and daughters responsibilities...not their DIL's.
I don't care what you or your grandmother think, thought! :)
Go ahead with your amrekan approach for all i care.
Re: Where does one stay if your husband is out of town?
I don't care what you or your grandmother think, thought! :)
Go ahead with your amrekan approach for all i care.
actually her approach was more Islamic than American. maybe she should tell you to go with your hindu/indian approach of joint family system?
Re: Where does one stay if your husband is out of town?
Even though what you wrote should get my blood boiling since you are judging me without knowing me at all but its not because it feels like I am trying to make a kid understand grown up logic. So I would have to be patient and try to make you see where I am coming from.
You are saying that its bad of me to let my wife decide when she wants to visit my parent while I am not there and she has only been married for a month. (Did I get it right this time?)
My logic on this is that my wife married me and I married her. My parents have some obligations of me as well and I need to work on them myself not my wife. Islamically, its not my wife's duty to be a daughter to my parents, its my duty to be a son to them. If I need someone to take care of my parents, I need to do it myself and if I cannot, I can ask my wife to do me a favor, not order her. (Does it make sense at all?)
Now let me ask you a question: I dont know if you are married but if you are please guide us on how to be perfect in balancing the married life and your's/his parents.
I am sorry if i offended you! I guess we just belong to two very different schools of thoughts.
Fyi, yes you got it right this time. Yes you can't order your wife just as you can't order anyone else either. However, there are certain things you do as human rights and i think, believe that it is per that your wife should visit them, look after them as should you for your inlaws.
No i am not married yet but iA i aspire to do not only this but more once i do get married and only because i feel its the right thing to do.
Re: Where does one stay if your husband is out of town?
... No i am not married yet but iA....
I think we are done here.
Re: Where does one stay if your husband is out of town?
^ lol, ok!
Re: Where does one stay if your husband is out of town?
I don't care what you or your grandmother think, thought! :)
Go ahead with your amrekan approach for all i care.
Ab is mein itna bura mannay wali kaunsi baat hai?
Its actually not Amreekan and that's why I mentioned my grandmother.
And even if it was...what's wrong with being Amreekan?
I love it.
I think generally all women feel this way before they're married and that's why most of the married ladies will not agree with you. Unfortunately or maybe fortunately, there are lots of Pakistani families who still subscribe to this school of thought - you will be fine!
Hope you get to live out your dreams of servicing your in-laws.
:)
Re: Where does one stay if your husband is out of town?
Hope you get to live out your dreams of servicing your in-laws.
:)
:D
Re: Where does one stay if your husband is out of town?
:D
Oh shut up!! You know what she meant!
Re: Where does one stay if your husband is out of town?
I don't care what you or your grandmother think, thought! :)
Go ahead with your amrekan approach for all i care.
Hmm.. I'm not sure which religion you follow but whatever you're saying is not very Islamic. Living alone in the house with a non mehram BIL is very very unacceptable. All her kindnesses to her inlaws is a favour to her husband not a farz. But not everyone here is a Muslim so I won't make the assumption.
Re: Where does one stay if your husband is out of town?
Ab is mein itna bura mannay wali kaunsi baat hai?
Its actually not Amreekan and that's why I mentioned my grandmother.
And even if it was...what's wrong with being Amreekan?
I love it.
I think generally all women feel this way before they're married and that's why most of the married ladies will not agree with you. Unfortunately or maybe fortunately, there are lots of Pakistani families who still subscribe to this school of thought - you will be fine!
Hope you get to live out your dreams of servicing your in-laws.
:)
ok. Thanks :)
Hmm.. I'm not sure which religion you follow but whatever you're saying is not very Islamic. Living alone in the house with a non mehram BIL is very very unacceptable. All her kindnesses to her inlaws is a favour to her husband not a farz. But not everyone here is a Muslim so I won't make the assumption.
OMG! When and where did i say she should stay at her inlaws when there is no other women around? In fact i said the opposite.
if you want to argue just for the sake of it, i am not up for it. If you have anything valid to say please only then reply.
Re: Where does one stay if your husband is out of town?
I think people are confusing two things here: the OP’s situation and @us1415’s comment, which was not about the OP but rather about his situation with his wife. I believe your comments were a reply to the latter and that is what people are replying to (with some confusion). I think people are mistakenly thinking that your reply about balance and the like was directed at the OP’s post.
Anyhow, there is hardly a need to call anyone stupid. People have differing opinions and just because they differ from yours, it doesn’t make them stupid or invalid.
Re: Where does one stay if your husband is out of town?
Doesn't matter where the family or in-laws are, this should be an arrangement between the couple on something they both agree upon.