Re: when potential rishtas come to visit
alvena...u need not worry! It will happen when it happens....IF it happens. there are many things in life for you to do and accomplish and yes marriage may be one small part of it but it's not the only thing. focus on the many other aspects of life and be content with whatever it is that you have.
Worried about what? That you won't be able to find a guy to get married to? Do you really and truly believe that's what will happen?
You need to may be grow up a little more and look around - left, right, up and down and see what is going on nowadays in terms of social trends of marriages, i.e. what kind of people are getting married earlier vs. later, etc etc.
You also need to see who you are exactly and what is it that would be considered a realistic match for you. Trust me this is important.
If you look at friend A who got married at the age of 20 and you think she scored a nice guy and you want one just like him, then stop looking at Friend A right away. Look at yourself. Put yourself first.
p.s. no wonder men think women are desperate to get married nowadays.
i blame our culture for brainwashing women into believing that they have to be married to be content with life.
Re: when potential rishtas come to visit
alvena dont worry... ur prince charming (or shrek if thats what ur into) will come along when u least expect it . It happens. :)
Worried about what? That you won't be able to find a guy to get married to? Do you really and truly believe that's what will happen?
You need to may be grow up a little more and look around - left, right, up and down and see what is going on nowadays in terms of social trends of marriages, i.e. what kind of people are getting married earlier vs. later, etc etc.
You also need to see who you are exactly and what is it that would be considered a realistic match for you. Trust me this is important.
If you look at friend A who got married at the age of 20 and you think she scored a nice guy and you want one just like him, then stop looking at Friend A right away. Look at yourself. Put yourself first.
p.s. no wonder men think women are desperate to get married nowadays.
You're a smart person, Straight_up. That's a very rational opinion indeed.
i blame our culture for brainwashing women into believing that they have to be married to be content with life.
Ideals, if backed by a strong conviction, could help you lead the life without any need for an anchor/support. For strong, independent and idealistic people, who do not require approval for their actions, ideals alone could be a reason to live. All others need people around them, need support, intimacy, a sense of association and similar things. Marriage is the most intimate of all associations, and if you get a supportive and understanding spouse, your reason to live, would evolve around that person and perhaps lead on to a meaningful life. Marriage, in most cases, is a requirement. Just be careful in choosing the right partner.
i blame our culture for brainwashing women into believing that they have to be married to be content with life.
Which culture AE - the Pakistani or the Western? I strongly disagree. It's not our culture.
Look at women from other cultures - they are becoming more and more desperate nowadays, being single is a sin. Every woman nowadays is freaking out and desperately looking for a man (whether to marry or to have as a boyfriend). So no, it's not our culture who brainwashed women into thinking they have to be married to be content with their life. It's the women themselves. Their inner need.
Women who deny not needing men in their lives are liars.
Women who pretend marriage (long term commitment, if you will) is a cultural thing and not an internal desire are also in major denial.
So this natural want/need to get married in us, should it worry us? Not to a point that you start losing your hair and your self.
You're a smart person, Straight_up. That's a very rational opinion indeed.
You're not just saying it to be nice right? :)
Ideals, if backed by a strong conviction, could help you lead the life without any need for an anchor/support. For strong, independent and idealistic people, who do not require approval for their actions, ideals alone could be a reason to live. All others need people around them, need support, intimacy, a sense of association and similar things. Marriage is the most intimate of all associations, and if you get a supportive and understanding spouse, your reason to live, would evolve around that person and perhaps lead on to a meaningful life. Marriage, in most cases, is a requirement. Just be careful in choosing the right partner.
of course....marriage is always a good thing when you are with the right person. but that doesnt mean that those that are not married can not be content with their lives. people that think not being married is the end of the world for them are the very same people that end up becoming grumpy old maids. there is more to life then marriage alone.
Re: when potential rishtas come to visit
I think we need punching monks words of wisdom here in this thread.
of course....marriage is always a good thing when you are with the right person. but that doesnt mean that those that are not married can not be content with their lives. people that think not being married is the end of the world for them are the very same people that end up becoming grumpy old maids. there is more to life then marriage alone.
Actually there are many many studies done on people who are 40+ and *willingly *stayed unmarried/or without a common-law relationship that suffer from psychological and mental disorders after their 40s.
Also, it might be good to bring in religion here and say, there is a reason why marriage is* half your faith. *
Why would I try to ‘act’ nice. I am a cold person, remember? 
Is our wisdom not good enough dude?
p.s. More Canadians the better. Right initiator? :halo:
Re: when potential rishtas come to visit
SU, it is the culture, I mean I am not blaming the culture or anything but thats just how it is. Its not just the people in the rural areas, plenty of urban educated middle and upper class people in our own country think like that too.
of course....marriage is always a good thing when you are with the right person.
In other words
hate the playa not the game.
Holla.
werd.
1
If it’s our culture then how shall we explain the universal phenomenon of women looking to get married since they are 8? White girls, black girls, yellow, orange - every girl plans her wedding since childhood.
When they grow up, desis look to get married but other women look for long-lasting relationships, common-law partners, and then may be marriage if they are religious or whatever.
It’s not cultural, it’s universally acknowledged, Jane Austen said it so herself!
p.s. Spockie you came to take AE’s side, huh? 
of course....marriage is always a good thing when you are with the right person. but that doesnt mean that those that are not married can not be content with their lives. people that think not being married is the end of the world for them are the very same people that end up becoming grumpy old maids. there is more to life then marriage alone.
There is a fine line between being independent, and thinking that you're. Of course, you can be content without getting married, but I have two main concerns against that. First, contentment is a state of mind that requires constant struggle. For how long can you stay content without falling back? If you reach your breaking point at an 'unmarriageable' age, it could destroy you emotionally. Second, if you get the right partner, they would only help you achieve a higher level of contenment, and perhaps strenghthen your belief in those very ideals that are your reason to live.
Actually there are many many studies done on people who are 40+ and *willingly *stayed unmarried/or without a common-law relationship that suffer from psychological and mental disorders after their 40s.
Also, it might be good to bring in religion here and say, there is a reason why marriage is* half your faith. *
SU it is half your faith..i agree...but keep in mind not everyone is going to be married. so what should they do? cry their entire lives?
I am not married yet...of course Id love to be...but in the meantime...i am going to live my life productively. I refuse to sit here and focus solely on marriage when there are other things in life that are just as important. why whine about something u dont have...right?
SU, why do we keep posting similar stuff?
woo hoo .. 500. senior member. 
I really didnt know about such a phenomenon. Elaborate please.
hmm i dont know about black, yellow and orange girls, but can relate to white girls, and I dont think getting married is the sole thing they aspire for at all. Career, stability, sense of purpose, achievements all come into play.
Maybe because they dont have parents and relatives urging them to get married as soon as they turn 20. So if its anything, its a cultural phenomenon. Its not just true for girls, it goes for men too. For me personally, no one at work or any of my non desi acquintances have ever wondered when Im getting hitched, but its totally the other way around when it comes to dealing with my own kind 
I think it is!
No I kept my eyes closed while reading her posts 
.
SU it is half your faith..i agree...but keep in mind not everyone is going to be married. so what should they do? cry their entire lives?
I am not married yet...of course Id love to be...but in the meantime...i am going to live my life productively. I refuse to sit here and focus solely on marriage when there are other things in life that are just as important. why whine about something u dont have...right?
EXACTLY!
Now lets go buy some shoes! We can buy ice cream too!
That part in bold is what I am arguing, by the way. Thanks for showing your support. 
As for the rest of your paragraph, I’ve addressed that already.
I thought I made myself quite clear on the topic of women crying and whining about being single. 