hello im new to this forum i thought id post for some advice.
Im 21 in the u.k, doing a dentistry degree and from a good family. so logistics wise im ok., however im not exactly the slimest fairest or tallest person so other things have to sell to the potential rishta and family.
A very good family with a good looking son is coming in two weeks to visit me, in that time i could groom myself and all but what im worried about is how to act, im not used to the ‘aunty aur lejiye’ stuff. should i act confident? should i keep quiet… argh dont know what to do?
Be YOURSELF!! Dont act! If you are nervous, thats fine, I'm sure the guy will be nervous as well. Dont put on airs, dont act in a way that you're unaccustomed to - it will show that you're acting and he will think you're a fake. I wish you the best!! Just remember, the guy is probably even more nervous than you are - I mean you at least get to meet him on your home turf yeah? The poor guy is going into completely unknown territory and has no idea what kinds of questions he will be asked etc!! So thats something to keep in mind, try to have a bit of humorous sympathy for the dude!
you are 21 don't and perusing a career, don't take those things too seriously.
you have got plenty of time to find some with whom "happily ever after"
thanks for the advice, however i personally feel that this the right time to start getting rishtas etc, i think earlyish marriages are good and its not garunteed that this person will like me. i dont want a string of rejevtions and i also think the more people u see the more confused you get, so i kind of do take these things seriously.
but what im worried about is how to act, im not used to the 'aunty aur lejiye' stuff. should i act confident? should i keep quiet.... argh dont know what to do? :(
leave town ! :D
your too young , concentrate on ur career first ,don't take these things srsly there are gonna be loads of rishtas down the line !
i understand that im young, but i dont think im tooo young, this is the first rishta by the time im married ill have graduated inshallah.
I feel this is a very good oppertunity and i have my head screwed on so i dont think it will effect my career in any way. I just want to do everything that is in my hands right so i dont mess it up. The rest is upto allah.
I used to sit and count all the beads on my khussay or play with my duppata. Completely wrong!
You need to make sure you get a good look at him and his family, their mannerisms and stuff. Also, remember to count how many samosay he eats!!!
Just chill luv, you'l be fine.
I think its a good idea to start looking now. I rejected people before they had even come over, and now im the wrong side of 25 , still having to pay for my own shoes! :D
^ haha that's funny. But 25 is still young. I got married a few months ago, I'm 23 and I went out with the guy for 6 yrs. And I still feel I got married too soon. I think u realiE that only after marriage, the fact that u r stuck forever now :)
Alvena don't worry about anything. Take everything there with a pinch of salt, the family isn't gonna act like they normally do cuz they will probably be trying to impress you. Still though more than what they say, look at how they act around ur family and their manners.
^ haha that's funny. But 25 is still young. I got married a few months ago, I'm 23 and I went out with the guy for 6 yrs. And I still feel I got married too soon. I think u realiE that only after marriage, the fact that u r stuck forever now :)
Alvena don't worry about anything. Take everything there with a pinch of salt, the family isn't gonna act like they normally do cuz they will probably be trying to impress you. Still though more than what they say, look at how they act around ur family and their manners.
No luv, Im the WRONG side of 25! I wish I was 25 again. A few months ago, I actually forgot how old I was. Now thats just sad.
I think when you're younger its easier to compromise on certain things, when you're as old as I am, it gets hard as you kind of get stuck in your ways.
alvena be yourself trust me ....when my rishta came i was goin on talkin abt how i nev wanted to get married and all dat bl bla bla and dat it was equivelent to suicide and i was talkin abt dis with my MIL and a few days after she asked for my rishta and wen da guy came to see me da min he walked in da door i started to laugh (dnt ask) and i wudnt shutup i jus kept talkin ....and u knw what dey liked me and had said yes BECAUSE I WAS MY SELF!!! i jus did what came naturally ...and later on wen i talk to my hubby now he tells me dat if i ahd acted stiff or tried to behave into how everyone sez u shud behave i wudnt of said yes because da whole point in meeting ure potential spouses is dat dey see u for hu u are honestly what is da point in behaving ina certain way at one opint and den be ure self later ??? wud u nawt want a guy to agree to whom u reli are ? instead of hu your tryna be??
No luv, Im the WRONG side of 25! I wish I was 25 again. A few months ago, I actually forgot how old I was. Now thats just sad.
I think when you're younger its easier to compromise on certain things, when you're as old as I am, it gets hard as you kind of get stuck in your ways.
Theres no harm in looking at 21.
i started getting rishta's since i was 16 and gawt married at 18 :)
thanks for the advice! im feeling a bit better now :)
i think im feeling very insecure at the moment and i feel like not being myself will be enough, the reason being that i have been told by many elders that a good charachter and personality is just not enough, on a first meeting they will look at..beauty...i.e skin colour, looks and height and figure.
I know im on the heavier side, i know im not fair. this really really worries me, so i really want to do everything else right.
I wish there was a shot of self esteem available ... i'd STAT mail it to ya ....
Your first rishta ... which you havnt met yet ... n you've already put yerself down in at least two posts .....
chin up my friend ... theres lots more to life and relationships then looks alone ....
i'm sure you are a lovely person inside and out .... n remember if the family didn't like somthing about you ... they wouldnt be coming!
D:D:D