Hmm okay so I have a question for all of you girls. Most of us here say jahez is not a good thing. But who here has the guts to stand up to society. I mean go back to basic islamic teachings. Who here can say that they want a simple nikah with rukhsati all on the same day and a simple valima. (I think the basic requirement (don't quote me) is 20 people to attend the valima.
So no shor saraba no nothing. And once you are married to stand up to your inlaws who might not openly say anything initally but still have a hope that you will not come empty handed.
I'm not a girl, but what we've done also applies to my wife. In our case, we went for a simple wedding. We had a simple nikah and walima, though we had the rukhsati at a different time. Our walima was also a simple thing with close family. We did have a reception where we invited more people. The greatest expense by far was the catering.
Otherwise there was no "shor sharaba" or anything like that. My wife didn't bring anything as jahez, perhaps except some personal things for her own use. My family never had any problem with it and and she doesn't face any problems for that either.
well what can I say.
Im dont have a very good opinion on pakistani born people so better hai kai mai nahi kuch nai bolun ke kuch laugo ko bura lag jaye.
The way I understand it: Its a puffing of feathers, a matter of show. The two households (in the more established families) try to out-gift each other. Ultimately, when the woman moves into the mans house (if only for a couple of weeks) it determines her status in her home. If for example, there are 3 other sister in laws to compete with it comes down to the blingblong.
Also, the smarter parents gift a home and have it done with. There is no kitchkitch w/the inlaws and you have also given them a pretty firm investment.
Haq mahar should go to the girl not to her father , brother or any power figure of the household. Which does not happen in these case.
It is not ostracizing of any particular ethnicity. I have no qualms about any one particular ethnicity. Any practice which involves buying and selling of humans is bad , no matter which ethnic group , nationality or race or religion practices it.
I think most of the men are not interested in "Jahez" They only want a beautiful wife. The demand for dowry mostly comes from Mother & Sisters of the groom. At that moment they think "Bhaari JAHEZ" is "OK & Must" but when they have to merry their daughters they believe opposite things. Its strange that in most cases it is the woman that is against the woman. What i believe is that man should show some toughness towards his family at that moment ( K bhai tume tumari pasand ki Pyari se biwi mil rahi akhir kuch tu apni baat manwao & b a man yaar) and also parents of the bride should not encourage by spending lavishly even if they can do so conveniently. But remember i m talking bout most of the cases. In some cases men ( Groom and/or his father ) also demand dowry?
Great thread - I agree. We, the women/girls/mothers/daughters/sisters of todays generation, along with the men/sons/fathers/brothers of our generation need to make a conscious effort to stamp out any and all appearances of buying/selling involved in the marriage process, no matter how couched in tradition it might be.
Marriage is a partnership of two equally valued individuals.
I always used to think Jahez was purely for the girl, like stuff for HER to take with her like clothes etc, not the in-laws And I thought it was because it was necessary in the past, where less girls were financially able enough to get stuff for themselves.. however, it’s hardly the case nowadays.
I don’t want any jahez/buree at my wedding in the future, let me just pray I find a guy who will be totally against these rasams and my mother (who is very particular about these rasams blah blah) will spare me the Also, before myself I hope my bro and future-bhabhi will take a stand against this stuff.. but I dunno, we’ve never discussed this kinda thing in our family so don’t know what he thinks.. might have to have a word with dear bhaiyya
[mod] I have removed yet another 20 replies from this thread. Even after posting the last "friendly" warning, if you people cannot behave or stay on topic, i wont hesitate to issue infractions which will lead to a quick ban. take your fights to PMs/MSN/gmail chat/facebook/yahoo/face-to-face/phones/graffiti each others walls and leave hte forums pure and clean as the day they were born. Thanks [/mod]
And I thought it was because it was necessary in the past, where less girls were financially able enough to get stuff for themselves.. however, it’s hardly the case nowadays.
Also, before myself I hope my bro and future-bhabhi will take a stand against this stuff.. but I dunno, we’ve never discussed this kinda thing in our family so don’t know what he thinks.. might have to have a word with dear bhaiyya 
**