I know this is a topic which is usually discussed in Weddings. However, I think its a life problem now so Im posting it here because I want to know what everyone thinks…not just the soon to be brides.
I was talking to someone about this a couple of days ago. Baree and Jehez. Many girls dont get married in Pakistan because there is no Jehez to give with the girl. Families will not accept a girl without taking either a large sum of cash or expensive items in exchange for their son. Years ago there was a rishta for me in which the guy’s mother called my mom and blatantly asked how much cash she was going to give in Jehez. My mom laughed and asked “Ive been out of the loop for a bit, what is the going rate for a husband nowadays?”…something to that effect. Needless to say, that woman didnt get a call back from us despite her willingness to “negotiate”.
My dad has four girls, where will he be if he has to purchase all of his son-in-laws? I personally know a man who filed bankruptcy after his daughter got married…he gave her everything he had. A car, cash, money for a down payment on a house, jewelry, blah blah blah.
I think as girls we need to start breaking out of this custom by simply not caring what we get and maybe even (WITHOUT OFFENDING) try to get out of taking baree or jehez if at all possible. We owe to every girl’s family to stop participating in this archaic tradition.
P.S. - Candy_Apple, this thread was inspired by your thread but it isnt an attack on you.
Our society only follows those teachings of islam thats suits them and ignores others and JAHEZ is one of those ignored teachings of Islam. We call ourself a islamic society and a islamic counry and islam doesn't teach abt jahez at all. Perfect example can be taken from the life of our Beloved Holy Prophet.
We can deal with this issue only by changing ourselves. Don't let your parents take Jahez for your brothers and Don't take Jahez for your sons.
This whole concept of turning marriages into business is retarded, sickening and disgusting. I don't mean to start a cultural war here, but this is something we picked up from Hindu customs, pretty much like we have picked up all the rasams of a traditional wedding. Yes I am generalizing and no I can't quote the sources of my claim, this is something I have heard from quite many elders and I totally believe it. There definitely is no such concept in Islam i.e. selling your f'king maharaj son's status and making the girl's parents spend whatever they have, and borrow money on top so they can marry their daughters off with dignity.
If this is what our cultural and religious matchmaking and the entire wedding concept has turned into, we might as well adopt the gora culture and prospective partners start moving in together - a lot better than these retarded cultural business deals.
isn't this forbidden in islam i.e. to give dowry for a bride; rather the opposite is required i.e. the groom gives something to the bride. yes it is archaic and should be discontinued. will that happen? I don't know.
Perhaps before the final "yes", both sides could sit down and discuss the issue. A simple question like "what are your expectiations" or something to that effect could reveal the mentality of the groom's side. Most ppl are smart enough to understand what that question means. And one could give hints about the fact that they dont follow the tradition of jehez... and see the other sides reaction. It'll be easier to sort the kanjoos from the not-so-kanjoos.
Having said that, the parents should happily give their daughter whatever they wish, but out of theeir own will and not based on somebody elses expectation.
PS - Great topic and I totally agree and like Jaanwar said, there is no concept in Islam about it! (Hi ya Jaanwar! Only back for a while but good to see you! Hehe!)
Now that you guys are thinking about it... how about getting out of 100 outfits, tons of jewelery, 14 days of rasams, expensive make-ups and photoshoots as well? They are a burden on the father too.
Psquared & Jaanwar: EXACTLY! These are the reasons why people used to and some might still do think of their daughters as a "burden".. thats just sick.
I know this is a topic which is usually discussed in Weddings. However, I think its a life problem now so Im posting it here because I want to know what everyone thinks...not just the soon to be brides.
I was talking to someone about this a couple of days ago. Baree and Jehez. Many girls dont get married in Pakistan because there is no Jehez to give with the girl. Families will not accept a girl without taking either a large sum of cash or expensive items in exchange for their son. Years ago there was a rishta for me in which the guy's mother called my mom and blatantly asked how much cash she was going to give in Jehez. My mom laughed and asked "Ive been out of the loop for a bit, what is the going rate for a husband nowadays?"...something to that effect. Needless to say, that woman didnt get a call back from us despite her willingness to "negotiate".
My dad has four girls, where will he be if he has to purchase all of his son-in-laws? I personally know a man who filed bankruptcy after his daughter got married...he gave her everything he had. A car, cash, money for a down payment on a house, jewelry, blah blah blah.
I think as girls we need to start breaking out of this custom by simply not caring what we get and maybe even (WITHOUT OFFENDING) try to get out of taking baree or jehez if at all possible. We owe to every girl's family to stop participating in this archaic tradition.
P.S. - Candy_Apple, this thread was inspired by your thread but it isnt an attack on you. :)
PS! I have already opened a thread on this topic if im not wrong and im strongly against such stupid and ignorant, brutal UnIslamic traditions and shame on our societies ignorance.
this is definitly to sell either a daughter or either to sell husband's conscious himself after getting lanah of jahez for which millions of girls are unable to marry every year and demands are now getting so much high every single day
I think it totally depends on if he has a full set of teeth and good enough weight so someone can buy him for Qurbani. But transportation to home is usually another problem. Cauz if you put him in the back seat of your car than he just messes it up and than it stinks really bad ... After all that hassle you need to find a Qassai. OMG their rates are so high ... So yea point is that it all adds up to around ... hmmmm ...
OOooopps ... I just checked the title ... Sorry wrong thread.
