All Im saying is that WE need to be the ones who make it easier for other girls to get married. Why? Because we can. There are certain things in our society we cannot help or change. THIS isnt one of them. We can help to banish this evil...that was the perfect word Deeba...so we should. Anyone who is reading this and is about to get married. Dont just look at this as some random thread on a topic that has nothing to do with you. Be the example and make it easier for other girls in less fortunate circumstances. Seriously, it doesnt take a lot. Just cut out some frivolous expenses and say NO to taking Jehez! That actually SAVES you money and can also save someone else from being exploited. It takes one person at a time to do this. Set the tradition in your own homes...I know we can make it happen!!!
There is no jehez or baree at my wedding, PSquared! :) And I am going to make sure there is none at my childrens' weddings too!!
i havn’t read all replies but i have seen so many girls who themselves burden their families by making them fulfill all demands of in-laws.they think its their right they get best jaheez.then there r many who will keep asking dads n siblings money even after marriage coz their husbands hav financial probs.
there was this girl when her fiance’s family was coming to visit them she arranged huge flower bouqet n a suit for the guy ,for his his mom,dad n the bhabi each.when i asked her wat abt all this extra expenditure she said"jub wo mujhay gifts n izzat daitay hain tu why not return them"she got married n within weeks got divorced.
n then i know tons of cases where if u tell the groom’s side simple n straight u cannot afford jehaiz or r not in favour they’ll say"oh yea we r against it too.we demand nothing only ur daughter"but once nikkah is done they start giving u small lists.if u fulfil that u get several lists one after another.n if u don’t fall in the girls keeps getting comments"nangi bokhi family ki larki"
"mayun's" and "mehndi's" usually are the most expensive.
so true!! any event(s) besides the actual wedding are extra expenditure....and weigh heavily on the parents' pockets....
the whole meaning behind mehndi/mayun/dholki events was to make the "household" get in the wedding mode...pre-wedding festivities were strictly confined to the closest family members..and involved FEMALES! plus they were done at HOME.
now...mehndis are nothing but a huge bollywood multi-starrer filam with MEN dancing around on perfectly choreographed dances..(which btw is very very embarrassing) totally different from on-the-spur-of the moment...kinda freelance bhangra guys would do to show their genuine happiness...everything on the mehndis nowdays looks so forced....and bleh...
i am sorry..but the whole guys and girls dancing around together in front of EVERYONE and their mother...is absolutely unnecessary!
oh and about the jahez/baree issue...since we alllll agree that its a menace..why not do something about it....
the best gift i got from my inlaws..was respect and my husband..those two things bring the two families together! not how many clothes i got or how much gold i got....
I totally dislike the Jahez tradition but I wonder why do girl's parents insist on giving Jahez just out of the fear that "Log kiya kehenge"!! ... when the groom's side doesnt event want it.....sad!
so true!! any event(s) besides the actual wedding are extra expenditure....and weigh heavily on the parents' pockets....
the whole meaning behind mehndi/mayun/dholki events was to make the "household" get in the wedding mode...pre-wedding festivities were strictly confined to the closest family members..and involved FEMALES! plus they were done at HOME.
now...mehndis are nothing but a huge bollywood multi-starrer filam with MEN dancing around on perfectly choreographed dances..(which btw is very very embarrassing) totally different from on-the-spur-of the moment...kinda freelance bhangra guys would do to show their genuine happiness...everything on the mehndis nowdays looks so forced....and bleh...
i am sorry..but the whole guys and girls dancing around together in front of EVERYONE and their mother...is absolutely unnecessary!
Omg choreographaed bollywood dances ARE embarrassing.....especially when guys do it.......whenever i see guys dance to some tacky bollywood song at a mehndi, i can't help burst out laughing. Yeah freelance dancing is so much better.
oh and about the jahez/baree issue...since we alllll agree that its a menace..why not do something about it....
the best gift i got from my inlaws..was respect and my husband..those two things bring the two families together! not how many clothes i got or how much gold i got....
Great point. The best thing you can get from your in-laws is respect. Everything else is irrelevant. Baree and Jehez just give rise to bitterness and unnecessary expectations between the families.....
when i got married both my hubby n i said no for mehndi,mayun etc.at that time i didn't really thought cost wise but i found it unnecessary.my friends n mil did however wanted to do those functions.we had 2 parties though although my fil wanted to hav only one party i wanted 2.so we did rukhsati n valima both.however no cards were printed,no professional photography.my bil made our video that he actually ruined.:(
as for jahez we r 3 sisters n none of us took jahez accept some clothes n gold n my father put some cash in our personal accounts but no furniture or gifts for each n every realtive.
I have lived in Peshawar for months at a time. One of my uncles is a native of Peshawar. One of my bhabee (May Allah grant her Jannat. Ameen) was his daughter. She practically raised me. So I have first hand information.
I have dug out an online resource for you to refer too.
An excerpt from this article:
The custom of buying brides is rooted in the tribal area’s culture and the bride-money has risen sharply because tribesmen gainfully employed in the Gulf States are able to offer a higher price for the girls of marriageable age. In comparison, girls could be bought much cheaper from peasant families settled in districts such as Mardan, Charsadda, Swat and Malakand Agency. Husbands and families paying huge amounts of money for girls often consider them as some kind of property instead of wives and treat them accordingly.
someone tell me what in teh hell is the difference between “mayoun” and “mehndi” when BOTH events the bride dresses up, it’s in a hall, with singing and dancing and dholki and food… what is the distinction? Just seems liek a MAJOR waste of money/time…the same ppl who complain about giving jahez can be considered just being selfish and stingy b/ they rather all the money be spent on them (the zillions of events) rather than on gifts.
People camplaining of jahez mater in this thread= Very useless.
We face this ill of society of jahez, like other ill of society that we blame on others is not due to wrong society but due to our own wrong selves and greedy + deviance.
us all pakistani people girl and boy both greedy for jahez, then we point finger on other, but when we not right ourselfvs then how can make society better?
we all greedy lalej wale pakistani, until we not start making good charcter and sacrifice from inside ourself and home we can not spread to outisde home.
all girls in shadi r like liitle girls like dncings and dikava and shor sharaba.
all girls want to be like madhuri dixit and reema.
if girls act maturly then daadies money will be saved.
u want so much gold and jewelrries
all girls become like bachis in mehendis
aur sheyn ji, ye sahi waqeya hai, in peshwar lot of patans that are uneducated family give thier daughters for 1 or 2 lac, for only nikah.
You seem to have confused issue of giving Haq Mehr and distorted it into something that its not !
***Haq mehr is the womans right according to Islam and people give Haq mehr depending on their social and financial status , so it can range from anything like money or gold to even property that is written in the woman’s name . ***
I am sure other ethnicites of Pakistan also practice the same rituals however as always people like to ostracize a particular ethnicity and i suppose no one else in Pakistan does haq mehr coz they be hindus innit.. :chai:
If the women stopped crying about the size of their diamonds and truly gave non-females the impression that they're not into glitter, may be then when they cried about dowry, someone would take them a little more seriously. (Yeah, I didn't read all 5 pages).
Everything needs to be judged from the background the guy has to the way he behaves with you. Abusive men who are dominant in the beginning of a relationship (as in the case of love marriages) and in the case of arranged, if they give the dominant aggresive vibe and those in your circles warn you, are likely to give you trouble in every possible way, from jaheiz to family to self esteem.
