I don't want to give jahez, but I want lots of bari..
;)
No need to re-type what you already said in my own words, cos you said it just 
Re: Whats the going rate for a husband nowadays?
PS: For some strange reason, i thought this thread was about selling ones husband 
Re: Whats the going rate for a husband nowadays?
Latest offer is buy one get one free 
On a serious note, weddings are expensive enough, even if you try to keep expenditure to a minimum. When you start counting all the presents which you need to give to his chachi, chacha and the other relatives, again bills start rising as well as blood pressures and the purse strings get tighter and tighter. Parents have other financial burdens too. They can’t just turn you into a nest egg or pour all their hard earned money into the laps of their childrens in-laws.
The wedding in itself will only last a relatively short period of time, but the marriage in itself is a long term matter. Jahez and bari can become outdated and what happens then?!Lots of money essentially down the drain because it is of no use to anyone. There should not be a compulsion in marriage or gift giving and recieving. Do so within your means but do not to it to keep up with your parosis and other khandaan waley. Yes you can provide the couple with essentials if they so need so and you can comfortably do so.
The only thing one should concern oneself with is haq meher, which is a fard and a woman’s right. It is non negotiable and the price set is not a buying price but was to aid and give stability to a woman (long term), unlike the concept of dowry in Hinduism.
Re: Whats the going rate for a husband nowadays?
I can understand why you would think that maroush...the title can be misleading. But Im strictly talking about men and MILs who shamelessly demand things in exchange for themselves!
I know this is a topic which is usually discussed in Weddings. However, I think its a life problem now so Im posting it here because I want to know what everyone thinks...not just the soon to be brides.
I was talking to someone about this a couple of days ago. Baree and Jehez. Many girls dont get married in Pakistan because there is no Jehez to give with the girl. Families will not accept a girl without taking either a large sum of cash or expensive items in exchange for their son. Years ago there was a rishta for me in which the guy's mother called my mom and blatantly asked how much cash she was going to give in Jehez. My mom laughed and asked "Ive been out of the loop for a bit, what is the going rate for a husband nowadays?"...something to that effect. Needless to say, that woman didnt get a call back from us despite her willingness to "negotiate".
My dad has four girls, where will he be if he has to purchase all of his son-in-laws? I personally know a man who filed bankruptcy after his daughter got married...he gave her everything he had. A car, cash, money for a down payment on a house, jewelry, blah blah blah.
I think as girls we need to start breaking out of this custom by simply not caring what we get and maybe even (WITHOUT OFFENDING) try to get out of taking baree or jehez if at all possible. We owe to every girl's family to stop participating in this archaic tradition.
P.S. - Candy_Apple, this thread was inspired by your thread but it isnt an attack on you. :)
This is something we muslims picked from other religions. Unfortunately we like to pick and choose the way we practice Islam.
Shame shame.
So when my cousin was getting married to this person, his mom asked my aunt for a hefty sum, supposedly to cover the cost of his education, like "oh we've spent so much on him, itna paRha likha damaad mil raha hai aap ko." SO my aunt told her that her daughter is equally educated and when she gets married to her son, she'll be bringing some serious money into their home and they as parents of the girl won't be getting a dime back. That lady was just shocked to hear all this but her son was furious and told his family not to sell him!
Isn't "mayun" and "rasm-e-henna" also adapted from the Hindu culture as well..?
Re: Whats the going rate for a husband nowadays?
That is the problem. Some of us are guilty of picking and choosing religion as per our own selfish requirements. Elements of culture get mistaken for religion and this is when problems arise.
Our religion actually liberates us from such practices yet still…
Do U know anyone personally who has “bought” their wife from NWFP or is this something that you’ve heard and are repeating ??? :aq:
***I am a pathan and I have not heard of any such standard practices ! ***
***We don’t “sell” our women ! ***
Re: Whats the going rate for a husband nowadays?
^^ 
wai wai .. khochi ko ghussa aa gayaa
Re: Whats the going rate for a husband nowadays?
PS - I'm glad my thread inspired you!
To be honest, I didn't even know that Baree and Jehez consisted of money, cars and a lot more than clothes. I thought the whole point of it was to just give nice clothes to the new bride because she would have to attend a gazillion functions/dinner parties after marriage (and off course it wouldn't hurt if these clothes happen to be beautiful b/c the new bride is supposed to be all dolled up...from what I hear and have seen).
I do think it is unfair to burden parents with such archaic traditions. In my case, neither my parents nor my fiance's parents are being burdened by these traditions because we are paying for the wedding and baree/jehez ourselves!
I think if the parents can afford it and want to give such gifts then go right ahead, but there should NEVER be a price tag on a rishta, that is just ridiculous.
Re: Whats the going rate for a husband nowadays?
Seriously guys,
Doesnt it feel like you're selling an asset? I mean, think about it. When we're selling a house or a car, we try to play up the nice things about it...like we just installed a new furnace, carpet is new and look at all the maintenance we have done throughout the years on it. We should get some return for it, right?
Ab dekhiya na...apko itna acha larka milraha hai...iske daant bhi naye hein...aur dekhiye na, chalne mein bhi acha khasa to hai...bachpan mein haddi tooti thi...vo bhi sahi karadi humne.
Re: Whats the going rate for a husband nowadays?
That’s it
Re: Whats the going rate for a husband nowadays?
Yeh Psq..it’s like putting a price on someone which essentially is not only morally wrong but like how much, is any amount ever enough:konfused:?
Dowry giving is an ancient social practice. And centuries ago the dowry was meant as a means of protection for the bride from not only ill-treatment from the groom's family.......but also as financial security in the event the husband were to fall ill or die.
But over the years, the practice of dowry became twisted. And the groom's family......instead of understanding that the dowry was meant as a means of support for the bride from her own parents...............used it as a BRIBE and THREAT. Many women in India (most prevalent in India), Pakistan, Bangladesh are burned alive for not bringing in the extra cash, the TV, the microwave, or the car demanded by their husbands and in-laws. Such demands not only take place during the rishta negotiation process........they can continue for years after the marriage has taken place.
What I've always wondered is that doesn't it hurt the man's pride to have to have to beg things from his wife's family......especially if he's financially capable and has the health and ability to get a job???? Many guys find it to be insulting/embarrassing if the girl pays for the meal after a date. Do the same sentiments not apply when threatening your wife to get her parents to buy you a big screen TV?
Of course I understand that not all guys/families are like that.......but this practice reduces the value of relationships and marriage. And its especially sad that some Muslims.....knowing that this social practice is not supported to by Islam...........decide to take unjust advantage of it anyways. Many desi parents like to give their daughters gifts (dining sets, clothes, jewelry, etc) that she can use in her personal life after marriage. To give your daughter gifts for her use is one thing............to be forced/threatened for a dowry.....is another issue.
Re: Whats the going rate for a husband nowadays?
yes its not islamic to ask for jahaiz. but the trouble is tali dono hathoon say bajti hai.selective islam doesnt work. if you want to have an islamic wedding marry an islamic guy, not go after the ones who arent, surely marrying with the consideration of islam is islamic too.
jahaiz is bad but so is spending oodles of money which most of the threads in fashion are all about. that isnt islamic either. so is another thing, most people give preference to money, does the guy earn this much or that. well if you are going to be materialistic tough luck expecting selflessness from others.
Dowry giving is an ancient social practice. And centuries ago the dowry was meant as a means of protection for the bride from not only ill-treatment from the groom's family.......but also as financial security in the event the husband were to fall ill or die.
i think it was more of an inheritance issue. women move away after marriage to hubby dearest's hut, and were given their share of ancestral property's worth as dowry.
as for today, dowry will always lurk around in societies where women have poor economic and/or social worth.
i think it was more of an inheritance issue. women move away after marriage to hubby dearest's hut, and were given their share of ancestral property's worth as dowry.
as for today, dowry will always lurk around in societies where women have poor economic and/or social worth.
Yes, you are right about dowry being a socioeconomic issue. But contrary to the popular belief that dowry giving only takes place in the lower classes........the reality is that it's prevalent in all socioeconomic classes (low, middle, high).
It could also be that the inheritance of land given to daughters by their parents were a means of security and protection (in the even the daughter was divorced, or encountered financial problems in the marriage, or the husband became ill/died). It was something to fall back on. I've also heard/read that the practice of adapting husband's last name after marriage was a practice that originated in the West. And that this practice was also a means for the husband to get his hands on wife's inheritance. The belief was that "She has my last name. She belongs to my family and is like my property. So all that she is given now belongs to me."
Re: Whats the going rate for a husband nowadays?
My point is, some families that enjoy financial stability can provide a beautiful dowry without an issue. These families are NOT in a majority but because of them...the majority suffers because now...they have to give their daughters amazing Jehez.
How many people have the guts to walk into their inlaws homes without the bedroom set, furniture, cash, car and all that?
My point is, some families that enjoy financial stability can provide a beautiful dowry without an issue. These families are NOT in a majority but because of them...the majority suffers because now...they have to give their daughters amazing Jehez.
How many people have the guts to walk into their inlaws homes without the bedroom set, furniture, cash, car and all that?
It's more than just lack of consideration for whether or not the girl's family is able to afford or not. It's a deep rooted societal ill. For example, you're born with your skin color. Now if it's tan or saanwla, you can't help it. There's little you can do to change it. The skin color does not determine your personality or whether you will make a good wife or bahu. BUT.......STILL........many parents want a "gori chitti bahu" for their sons.
See what I mean? Often times, parents believe that "Oh larki waalay hain. Jahez ka to in ko pata hi hai. Sadiyon se yeh riwaj chalta jaa raha hai. To zaroor kisi nai kisi tarha larki walay intizaam kar lain gay jahez ka. Aaakhir kuch to saving ki ho gi apni betiyon k liye." I've heard such mentality even from the middle to upper class families. Reha, deep-rooted beliefs often times transcend common sense and morality.
And I feel its more of a problem in the mother land than it is over here. In my opinion some families dont' go to the extreme of buying car or furniture. And many parents like to buy such things as a gift for their daughters. What the parents give her is non of her in-laws business. They have no right to **demand **that girl or her parents buy them them things like car, fridge, furniture, etc.