For you to look outside of your marriage for....
- sympathy
- emotional support
- companionship
- gratification (physical and/or mental)
I know that most people are going to feel that they would never do this but I'm not asking if you would or not....I'm asking how bad the situation at home would have to be for you to consider and perhaps embark upon another relationship.
Tough questions, tough questions.
generally, I don't believe that one spouse can provide every single thing, and I argued this point in the intellectual intercourse thread a few weeks back....and finding something like mental gratification (here I am assuming that the mental gratification = intellectual..not even close to sexual or emotional) with someone else isn't cheating.
Im not sure what exactly sympathy, emotional support and companionship imply here :/
agree with other members tho when things get difficult you either go for counselling or you end ur relationship... You dont cheat....there is no excuse for cheating imho...but what if your guy is a good guy but he is kinda indifferent, or cold in the sense that he doesnt reciprocate the love the romance etc
And when you suggest counselling he is not open to that either,...could that not make you look outside ur marriage without ever cheating on ur spouse.....like finding someone to talk to about your feelings n concerns...
I don't even care much if I am not loved. I don't even expect that but if someone decides to destroy my peace of mind and my content life, I would hate them for it.
This is a very interesting point regarding “emotional cheating”. Is this okay when things are that bad that you need to get emotional support from someone other than your spouse? I dunno, I’m just asking.
That makes me sad to hear I guess it’s good to keep expectations low, but I’A when the right one comes along for you he’ll love you in spades. Ameen and stuff.
The situation at home doesn't even have to be bad for you to look elsewhere. A combination of low-esteem, chemistry with a co-worker, husband/wife being away for some practical reason, is all it takes for someone to fool around.
For you to look outside of your marriage for....
- sympathy
- emotional support
- companionship
- gratification (physical and/or mental)
I know that most people are going to feel that they would never do this but I'm not asking if you would or not....I'm asking how bad the situation at home would have to be for you to consider and perhaps embark upon another relationship.
With couple of under 10 kids, nothing can now make me look outside the marriage. I am in for good.
Real answer from a real husband :)
PS: I hope begum is not reading this else she will take unjust advantage of this :D
For you to look outside of your marriage for....
- sympathy
- emotional support
- companionship
- gratification (physical and/or mental)
I know that most people are going to feel that they would never do this but I'm not asking if you would or not....I'm asking how bad the situation at home would have to be for you to consider and perhaps embark upon another relationship.
Crawling through mud is not an actual definition of living.
Any one can have issues, you got to TELL!!! and then move on.
Playing with sh-t is no cool.
The feelings, this weakness, is in all of us ... some are never tried, some are tried and they pass and some fall for it. Human life is too diverse & each situation too complex to actually figure out what would it take.
The feelings, this weakness, is in all of us ... some are never tried, some are tried and they pass and some fall for it. Human life is too diverse & each situation too complex to actually figure out what would it take.
^ This!
I was typing up a comment, that butresses the same idea.
Ultimately, some people are not wired for infidelity and while some people are wired in the sense that they are capable of infidelity - the temptation and ability to stray is within them - there are far more people who fall in the latter category, but maybe the opportunity or desire has never presented itself, so they've never had to deal with it.
For those who aren't wired that way, this is a moot point. But for those who could be unfaithful - it is a choice to act or not act on the temptation.
I second that the choice is in your hand to make or not anyway. People do with all the above you mentioned Muzna, and stay in the relationship with all sincerity and honesty as long and as much as they can.
If it has to be something, anyway, for me, it might be emotional insecurity or unfulfillment. Here both the factors include, infidelity and lack of understanding/disappointment. The later itself isnt really as suffocating as to make one be needing the artificial oxygen, but well, too much of it can make someone look for the needs to be fulfilled outside the marital relationship.
as Sehrysh said - for some it might just take "that an opportunity presented itself" even things were not bad in a marriage.
For others it can be all of the above (emotional & physical disconnectedness) in a marriage. They just can't because fear of karma/God/guilt/society/consequences.
Ultimately, some people are not wired for infidelity and while some people are wired in the sense that they are capable of infidelity - the temptation and ability to stray is within them - there are far more people who fall in the latter category, but maybe the opportunity or desire has never presented itself, so they've never had to deal with it.
ok that was the politest way of saying "mooqa naheen mila is liey"
Well opportunity is not hard to create since %50 of the world can be used to full fill the desire.
Then people who did not ponder upon their sexual their rational/behaviour day after after, and gave in to society(pakistani) and not had sex, should get some respect from us.
Let just say any one who actually wants it... do it!!
That was really lame generalization, which I have heard from smart mouth pakistanis over and over and over and over... about issue after issue after issue after....
ok that was the politest way of saying "mooqa naheen mila is liey"Well opportunity is not hard to create since %50 of the world can be used to full fill the desire. Then people who did not ponder upon their sexual their rational/behaviour day after after, and gave in to society(pakistani) and not had sex, should get some respect from us. Let just say any one who actually wants it... do it!!That was really lame generalization, which I have heard from smart mouth pakistanis over and over and over and over... about issue after issue after issue after....
Monk, please explain. And if it's easier to do so in Urdu then write it in Urdu.
I guess it’s good to keep expectations low, but I’A when the right one comes along for you he’ll love you in spades. Ameen and stuff.