For you to look outside of your marriage for…
I know that most people are going to feel that they would never do this but I’m not asking if you would or not…I’m asking how bad the situation at home would have to be for you to consider and perhaps embark upon another relationship.
Re: What Would It Take.....
..I'm asking how bad the situation at home would have to be for you to consider and perhaps embark upon another relationship.
Well....if even the alcohol fail to make him look like a keeper.......
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I'm so totally not the right person to answer this question since I'm not in a relationship. But I'll say one of my holdbacks to taking the plunge has always been the idea that none of the guys I met ever seemed to inspire an emotional connection that I would put above all others.
And the idea that there wasn't/isn't that abiding emotional connection which to me equates to companionship worried me - I wonder - could I be faithful or forget about faithful (I think I'm wired for fidelity) - would I stick it out in the relationship or would I bail?
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More seriously....what if some would prefer to end a bad marriage first as a prerequisite to embarking upon another relationship?
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The situation has to be pretty darn bad for me to consider such a path. Cheating is the only thing i can think of at the moment. I dont think anything else can be as big !!
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very good response Sehrysh......people don't often think about this sort of thing before getting in to a relationship.
have you ever thought about what you will do if you never really feel that emotional bond with someone? perhaps that is another thread altogether as I don't want to derail this one just yet.....
rv....bear goggles?...okay then.....
but yeah, of course the moral high road would always suggest that they end the commitment before they embark upon a new one....but what if for some reason you can't? (though I am with you on this..... humour me and give me an answer anyway.....)
kaun......
I hear you buddy.....that has got to be one of the top ones.
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Muzna, it's so subjective.......can it be easily measured as to which situation is more or less "worse" than the other? For one person...persistent emotional/physical absue might the limit......and for another person a marriage where there's a complete disconnect in terms of interests/compatibility/intimacy might be unendurable....for another (as Sehrysh said) infidelity would be the deal breaker and for yet another...infidelity may be worked through and overcome, etc. How do you answer that?
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rv....I've asked for what situation would drive you to another......
you are welcome to give the reason that would be the motivation for you not speak for everyone or judge which is a valid reason and which isn't.
my objective here is to understand what sorts of things people find intolerable to the degree that they can justify looking outside of their marriage.....
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Hmm....infidelity....that'll really mess with not only the relationship but your mind/self-esteem. And peristent abuse (and that can include a variety of behaviors).
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this is like asking women on the forum how much they weigh. i'm not sure anyone even thinks about these things, or want to think about it. is there a reason you are curious about this kind of stuff, muzna?
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For you to look outside of your marriage for.... - sympathy - emotional support - companionship - gratification (physical and/or mental) .
lack of all the above in current relationship (maybe)
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yeah queer....its not often at all that the mind goes here but there is a reason why I am curious......trying to understand something that is going on in someone else's life in order to help them......
and whenever I am engaged in trying to help my mind just gets boggled that anyone would walk down this path......I want to be able to feel for the person but I am finding it very difficult.
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whats wrong in getting anything (ofcourse not being physical) from someone else IF you are not getting it from your spouse....?
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We often talk about emotional versus physical infidelity and which hurts the partner more. Infidelity, or at least emotional infidelity isn't necessary a conscious choice in the beginning, rather it is seeking something from someone else, that is absent in that other married/committed relationship. It's not to say that it's the partner's fault that "something" is absent - it's about whether the cheater feels the absence of that "whatever" so keenly that they cannot go without it. Feeling the absence of something isn't a choice, connecting emotionally isn't always a conscious choice - but ACTING on it is. When the feelings for the other person become more than what you feel for your spouse and you choose to continue this friendship/love affair and act on it, that's when I see the partner as having stepped over a line.
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For me, there are two scenrios that are automatic deal breakers:
Infidelity & Abuse (emotional and/or physical).
Knowing myself, and the type of relationship I have with my spouse, if either of these were to take place, it would be only because something in our marriage was damaged repair.
I cannot share my life with a person who has broken my trust to such an extent that he a)raised a hand to me b) slept with another women c) had emotional ties to another women
I am willing to work on or learn to deal with just a out anything else..
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I cannot share my life with a person who has broken my trust to such an extent that he a)raised a hand to me
I was about to raise my hand to put a shafqat bhara haath on your head as an older brother .. but i changed my mind
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I think it would be cheating or physical abuse....
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all very interesting replies indeed.
keep 'em coming folks.
great food for thought here!
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i think it would be okay for you to do that TLK bhai as she isn’t going to be sharing her life with you anyways 
Muzna Baji
nothing could make me look outside my marriage except abuse (physical, verbal or emotional) and infidelity however lack of reciprocation would make me depressed…as in if I feel like he doesn’t reciprocate the romance or the love or the respect that kind of thing
which kinda ties in with what sehrysh said wouldn’t go for a man who i didn’t feel an emotional connection to
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Bhaiya ki baat alag hai…carry on…