What would happen when .....

Lifestyle Relationships
1

Ok may be I am a bit from old school, would really like to hear what you guys think about it.

I have a 23 years old daughter, Graduated with a good business degree.

A great job with one of the largest IT Company in the world, in a regional position which even envy to her colleagues.

Despite all of her successes at early age, she still has a lot of tings of innocence.

She is a homely person. Nice and humble and easy going personality (well loved by everyone know her), with moderately conservative, with strong moral values.

Very caring as well, being from a large family background, she understands and value relationship with extended family and willing to live husband’s family.

So far so good!

The only negative thing I could find on her, due to my obsession of best education for my children, I never pushed to learn how to take care house hold chores.

Now she has zero cooking skills, and taking care the household chores (as mom still doing it) is not her forte.

I am wondering what would happen when she marries, would be she able to be good wife?

Would her husband able accept her with her weakness?
How about In Laws?

2

Re: What would happen when .....

You can learn all that crap. Noneof those things require any intelligence.

3

Yes agree!

But one should enjoy these in order to do well at home?

And you have understand that the guys, always look for "r*ight fit*" for himself and family.

I hope to hear from someone who went down this road, how they coped?

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Re: What would happen when .....

She doesn't have any weaknesses, so far as I can tell. She has a lovable personality, good values, a good education. All of these things, especially the first two are more important in making a good marriage than being Martha Stewart's double. You may be able to cook like Julia Child and have the know-how to make your home look like a Laura Ashley catalogue, but if you have zero personality, humor, morals, etc., you're not going to get on with anybody, much less a spouse.

So she can't cook or clean. Big deal. She could easily learn. And more importantly, do you want someone for her who is only looking to marry for the sake of a clean house and some good meals?

Inshallah, based on how glowing your description of her is...she's gonna find someone great who doesn't give a flip about any of that. In fact, I bet he will be so awesome (like her) that he does his fair share of the housework. :)

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Re: What would happen when .....

Yeah. Are you wanting her to find a partner or are you looking to pedal out a maid?

6

TS,

Saw my cousin in Pak a few weeks back. She was born and raised there. She's been married for two years (got married in her mid-twenties...so she was older than your daughter).......and MashaAllah se, she's very happy. She now has a son who is almost a year old.

She herself tells me that she learned cooking/household management after marriage. Her family had a servant, she was busy with her education and job, so never really learned cooking before marriage. After marriage, she adapted.

I know of other friends and cousins who learned these things after marriage.

People can usually adapt to situations. You adapt to a new school.....new job.....new home, etc. It's a bit challenging in the beginning, but as time goes by, you start adjusting.

I know examples of people who.....when living with their parents were very spoiled (didn't have to do that much housework). But then they moved out......or moved to college and lived in a dorm.......and slowly started cooking their own food/cleaning/doing their own laundry, etc.

Your daughter will be fine :) If you're so worried about her, gently encourage her to start cooking. Maybe you can tell her to cook one dish a week. Perhaps on the weekends. One week she can practice vegetarian......another week a meat-dish.....another week a desert. Etc.

7

Thanks.

Honestly speaking as a person she is better then what i described. being conservative person, When she started going to University , i was worried about undesirable influence on her and she told me "PAPa do not worry about me, we know what is going on around us, do not indulge ourselves not because of you but because we know it is not right".

I am proud that she did not disappointed me.

8

I too have a business degree and started working even before I got the degree. My mom and dad never made me do house chores as well. When I got engaged my this weakness was well known 2 all and was acceptable too but things change drastically after I got married. It was something that was badly missing in their bahoo. So I learned how to do house hold chores and I learned fast. In 2nd week of marriage only I was cooking , cleaning , do dishes and all. I didn't even washed a glass before I got married but after marriage I used to do a pile of dirty dishes everyday. I feel that "need is the mother of invention" when there is a need an individual automaticaly learns , sometimes u learn the hard way. I would suggest that you advise your daughter to do some work in house, May Allah bless with a good understanding hsuband and inlaws but one shd always "hope for the best and prepare for worst."

9

Lets put it this way, if she told me about someone i would certainly allow it, but she do not have one right now so i started looking around as well.

But I only wish to play a role of facilitator, she is the one going to make ultimate decision.

10

Re: What would happen when .....

tipu sahab

my wife knew how to cook a few items when we got married, she was in school and working so did not really have time. we got married almost a year before we had planned to, in which time she had planned to get some more practice, but it was not a issue..recipes were given by her mum and my mum. not really hard to be up and running.

There were hiccups along the way, sometimes she made something and it was not great and we would still eat it, sometimes she made something and we were like..oh no. not sure what happened here and would end up picking up takeaway. it was not a big deal. i cook as well but with desi food I was not great so I had some peculiar creations as well.

you should be proud of her accomplishments, what she is doing is not something everyone can do, but everyone can whip up some daal chawal and aloo qeema..no worries. you just have to see that whomever she finds, or whomever you introduce..would value her for who she is first and foremost, and then appreciate her for all that she has accomplished..and not be holding up limited cooking skills as some issue on her head..

be proud of raising a go getter daughter, more power to you.

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Re: What would happen when .....

Depends on the husband.. one of my aunties couldn't really cook either when she got married, she was v.gifted academically but totally undomesticated but her husband helped her and showed her how to do the cooking and make simple dishes.. He thought it was sweet and as it was an arranged marriage it was a nice way of them bonding with each other as well lol.

Inlaws do usually tend to be more fussy than the husband tho imo, if ur looking for a partner for her ask the parents what their expectations would be regarding if she will be expected to live there, do the housework for the family, continue studying or work and if so will they give her some leeway so as not to put her under too much pressure.. I know it sounds like an obvious thing but soooo many girls over here are miserable cos living with inlaws turned out to be completely different to what they expected..

12

Re: What would happen when .....

Preserve her innocence.... keep her away from GS.

I don't think household chores really matter these days. The aunty generation which had problems like that is becoming extinct as second generation immigrants take over households.

13

I know A LOT of people in this situation. Its nothing that's not common. My sisters can't cook at all.. married or unmarried they just can't cook. Thing is, I would highly recommend that when you find rishta for her, you find a suitable match. A guy who always wants fresh home cooked food probably won't work for her. A guy who want his wife to work and give just decent food is ideal. My husband for example wants GOOD food no matter what so I do cook everyday on the other hand my BIL doesn't care as long as he gets some okay food to fill his tummy. My sister is ideal for him as she is becoming a doc.
It is good that she learns bit by bit. Don't push her. I think if you ask her to cook every sunday for the family, that way she'll learn and not get exhausted or think you are just being harsh. Remember one thing though, when learning, NEVER criticize. That de-motivates the person. Always appreciate everything she makes, even if its a cup of tea. You can always when done eating.. in a more relax atmosphere just casually tell her what she could've done to make the dish better.
You can build her interest by maybe getting good recipes of different food and just say lets cook this together.
I cooked small meals for family like maybe once in two week before getting married. Now I have to cook everyday for a husband who wants food all the time.. Good food. I try different dishes.. sometimes they don't even turn out good.. so what.. I try! She needs to have this attitude too. Don't push her though or say nahi seekha to saas jootay maray gi..

14

I think it all depend on the way relationship develops, if one find someone whom he/she loves then all weaknesses become immaterial (as long as both parties are happy).

But when one need to go through parents to select, they would be particular about these skills.

On her case she does have anyone, she found most of Pakistani guys oversea (or upper class environment in Pakistan) drinks as matter of social trend which is unacceptable to her.

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Re: What would happen when .....

every parent is insecure about their tarbiat.

uncle, itni education dalwa dee thee to us education ka istemal kerna bhi sekha daitay. ya sirf itna he khe dain k "baita, use your education and knowledge wisely"...and it will be enough for us girls.
this choi-moi attitude is ruining us!

kindly pray for us, and stop transferring these insecurities in your daughters.

you are also a married man, so ask yourself does khana pakana really every mattered to you? did ALLAH SWT made Eve to make only food for Adam?

every MAN (yes, i am talking about The Man) dont need a slave, they need someone to share their time with, share their values, and share their approach in life. and same goes for the woman.

ps. kindly, do yourself a favour and ask your daughter what she thinks about marriage? and then contribute your rational experiences (up and downs in life) with her cuz we girls preciously take our fathers opinion.

ps.2 ur dauther is my age, and apprently i recently discovered my passion for cooking. its a lively experience. i started off by taking photographs. and now this food photography has turned in to a serious business. so give her the recipe of your favorite food to her and ask her to make it for you. :)

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Re: What would happen when .....

Hey sir! I'm 26 years old masters in software engineering from one of the top ranked universities of uk. I am a full time software developer at a really good company. I have never liked working in the kitchen, cooking etc is all managed by my mother and younger sister. BUT since i got engaged i have started taking part in the cooking. I can proudly say that after 2 months of my engagement i am a biryani expert claps. A month ago i was here scared of cooking and asking everyone how did they cope and learn, but now im learning and its easy peasy. I can survive without cooking but now im thinking of the guy who would want me to take over the kitchen. SO i think once ur daughter is commited she will understand that now she has to cook.

Also as zobia above me said, the guy wont be marrying ur daugter just for the cooked foood. Marriage is about understanding. He will understand that she has never cooked and would be supportive. Dont worry .... just chill chilll just chilll

Farooq Sattar’s coordinator died in Rangers’ custody
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Re: What would happen when .....

I am or was the same. My dad pushed me to excel academically and alhum I have but my mum was always asking me to pay attention towards home too but I didn't. I only started learning stuff recently and I picked it up very easily. I do have food sense so that made it easier for me.

Oh and I disagree that you do not need to be intelligent to learn cooking and other house things too.

Farooq Sattar’s coordinator died in Rangers’ custody
18

Re: What would happen when …

Yeah we get it. Your daughter is the best thing since sliced bread :k:

19

Yes thank you.. you can read my mind lol

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Re: What would happen when .....

you are chatting garbage. Most wealthy pakistani girls I know can't lift a feather duster. Most sucessful parents naukaraniah dahej mai dettai hain.

You know what you gotta do.