you are chatting garbage. Most wealthy pakistani girls I know can't lift a feather duster. Most sucessful parents naukaraniah dahej mai dettai hain.
You know what you gotta do.
We are not wealthy and as successful to follow u r suggestion.
Thanks anyway.
I don't think I agree with a lot of people saying its not important for your daughter to learn how to cook. IT IS IMPORTANT. and as a wife she will be expected to know how to cook. You can of course find a guy who will be fine with her not knowing how to cook but eventually two three yrs down the road she'll have to learn. Most guys do need good food. She can learn after she gets married but saying oh who cares.. no worries.. she won't have to cook. That's wrong.. she'll be expected to cook!
Re: What would happen when .....
its not hard to cook, she just needs to start off with basic dishes and adapt and work her way up. encourage her to try and cook something once a week so she starts to get the hang of it.
i also happen to disagree with the idea that she doesnt need to learn and cooking isnt important. in an ideal world it wouldnt matter if she can cook or not but in the real world she will probably be expected to atleast cook here and there. my best friend's sister got married last yr and she has never ever cooked at home. she had a love marriage and her IL's were always very nice to her and she had no worries about cooking because the MIL usually cooked the evening meal. but then her MIL ended up seriously ill in hospital and ofcourse it fell to the DIL to cook and the only thing she could come up with was omlettes and plain boiled rice. her hubby and FIL never said anything about her lack of cooking skills but she was embarrassed enough about it to go back home on the weekends and learn how to cook from her mother.
the point is ur daugther will hav to cook one day or another so just encourage her to learn a few things at home to make it easier for herself in the future
Re: What would happen when .....
I agree with everyone said that no matter how she need to learn how to take care this, infect i discussed with her, her point is this is not a major issue as she could learn to do cook when needed.
I would have problem if she refused to get into this, the only issue this is not her priority right now. As her job is too taxing for her that gave enough excuse for not pushing her on this.
We do not need the money, but still encourage her to work because have seen so many horrors girls went through in case of bad marriages. A professional lady is more equipped to cope with any eventuality in life.
I am more concern with impact of this on Rishta or early period of marriage.
Re: What would happen when .....
Not to worry. Someone who is looking for a chef should marry a chef . As for cooking and other household chores , it is not a rocket science and does not need any degree or training.
These are skills you learn on the job, meaning by running a household. She being smart girl will learn in no time.
If someone is looking for those skills in their daughter in law , you should stay away from them anyways , they are looking for a maid not for a daughter in law.
every parent is insecure about their tarbiat.
uncle, itni education dalwa dee thee to us education ka istemal kerna bhi sekha daitay. ya sirf itna he khe dain k "baita, use your education and knowledge wisely"...and it will be enough for us girls. this choi-moi attitude is ruining us!
kindly pray for us, and stop transferring these insecurities in your daughters.
you are also a married man, so ask yourself does khana pakana really every mattered to you? did ALLAH SWT made Eve to make only food for Adam?
every MAN (yes, i am talking about The Man) dont need a slave, they need someone to share their time with, share their values, and share their approach in life. and same goes for the woman.
ps. kindly, do yourself a favour and ask your daughter what she thinks about marriage? and then contribute your rational experiences (up and downs in life) with her cuz we girls preciously take our fathers opinion.
ps.2 ur dauther is my age, and apprently i recently discovered my passion for cooking. its a lively experience. i started off by taking photographs. and now this food photography has turned in to a serious business. so give her the recipe of your favorite food to her and ask her to make it for you. :)
You have made some interesting points.
Yes we are insecure! but rest assure this insecurity only limit to discuss with close friends and on this forum where everyone could speak openly unanimously. I would never share these with her, as I want her to marry and leave home happily rather then apprehensive about unknown future.
Due to same insecurity we pushed them to the limit to focus on education and build the career just in case of any unfortunate event they would not be dependent on anyone.
Talking about The Man the real man of today, I agree with you what you are saying, but just remember i was the man (not sure the real one or not). In the good or bad old days there was a clear distribution of work, man go out and earn the living and women take care household (I am sure your mom or grand mom either of them went through same).
Today world is changed so the aspiration of peoples, now young peoples are not looking for wife as glorified Noukrani but a companion, some to share with, compatibility is huge issue today (which was never before).
But this would work if one find a match themselves, so all the parents do is necessary arrangement. If the guy or girl does not have anyone in mind and leave Rishta things on parents then I sure they would be looking from same standard again.
Lastly i am very close to her, we do discuss the matters are in very good understanding.
I pray for all of you to have a good life.
Allah Hafiz
its not hard to cook, she just needs to start off with basic dishes and adapt and work her way up. encourage her to try and cook something once a week so she starts to get the hang of it.
i also happen to disagree with the idea that she doesnt need to learn and cooking isnt important. in an ideal world it wouldnt matter if she can cook or not but in the real world she will probably be expected to atleast cook here and there. my best friend's sister got married last yr and she has never ever cooked at home. she had a love marriage and her IL's were always very nice to her and she had no worries about cooking because the MIL usually cooked the evening meal. but then her MIL ended up seriously ill in hospital and ofcourse it fell to the DIL to cook and the only thing she could come up with was omlettes and plain boiled rice. her hubby and FIL never said anything about her lack of cooking skills but she was embarrassed enough about it to go back home on the weekends and learn how to cook from her mother.
the point is ur daugther will hav to cook one day or another so just encourage her to learn a few things at home to make it easier for herself in the future
Not only that but it's a good skill to have, to be able to cook/take care of home. No matter how educated/well paid she is, she will have to take part in running her household...etc. Not only that but even if her hubby is super understanding, eventually they would get tired of eating out and want a simple home cooked meal. Or like the poster said, what if unforeseen events come up, it helps to be able to make a few meals.
Ok may be I am a bit from old school, would really like to hear what you guys think about it.
I have a 23 years old daughter, Graduated with a good business degree.
A great job with one of the largest IT Company in the world, in a regional position which even envy to her colleagues.
Despite all of her successes at early age, she still has a lot of tings of innocence.
She is a homely person. Nice and humble and easy going personality (well loved by everyone know her), with moderately conservative, with strong moral values.
Very caring as well, being from a large family background, she understands and value relationship with extended family and willing to live husband’s family.
So far so good!
The only negative thing I could find on her, due to my obsession of best education for my children, I never pushed to learn how to take care house hold chores.
Now she has zero cooking skills, and taking care the household chores (as mom still doing it) is not her forte.
I am wondering what would happen when she marries, would be she able to be good wife?
Would her husband able accept her with her weakness? How about In Laws?
Awww...you sound like such a doting father :) When I started reading your thread, I thought you were advertising her for marriage! hehe
My folks are exactly the same...wanting us to be independent, they've never pushed us to do the household chores and rather we focused on our studies etc. That doesn't necessarily mean that you should be oblivious to other skills you may need in the future. My mother always says, it doesn't matter whether you do something or not, as long as you know how to do it or can easily learn! I think other factors such as having good moral values are more important.
Anyway, getting back to your questions, I wouldn't call not being able to cook 'a weakness' and she can ease herself into this perhaps by experimenting on a free day.
Whether someone accepts her being able to cook/ household chores or not depends on the individual/ family she gets married into. Hopefully, they won't be as tedious to overlook the other qualities your daughter possesses!
You did a very good job Mashallah by giving good education (both moral and other) to your daughter. House chores (cooking etc) is not a rocket science and I am sure she will be able to learn that quickly (if and) when needed.
Ok may be I am a bit from old school, would really like to hear what you guys think about it.
I have a 23 years old daughter, Graduated with a good business degree.
A great job with one of the largest IT Company in the world, in a regional position which even envy to her colleagues.
Despite all of her successes at early age, she still has a lot of tings of innocence.
She is a homely person. Nice and humble and easy going personality (well loved by everyone know her), with moderately conservative, with strong moral values.
Very caring as well, being from a large family background, she understands and value relationship with extended family and willing to live husband’s family.
So far so good!
The only negative thing I could find on her, due to my obsession of best education for my children, I never pushed to learn how to take care house hold chores.
Now she has zero cooking skills, and taking care the household chores (as mom still doing it) is not her forte.
I am wondering what would happen when she marries, would be she able to be good wife?
Would her husband able accept her with her weakness? How about In Laws?
Re: What would happen when .....
You guys talk like this is some master's degree. It's really not hard to figure out how to cook and clean.
Any family that has these issues as their priority are families looking for a maid. Your daughter has to ask herself if that's what she wants to be.
Re: What would happen when .....
^ agreed and its not a 'weakness' as you describe it, and even if it is, can be cured.
A lot of other issues, psychological and ethical, women have these days are hard to cure though.