Re: What Were You Thinking???
but dude she didn't think about the kids? when she filed for the separation where were kids going to go? with the husband or wife?
Re: What Were You Thinking???
usman0412 and Paheli- I can have any opinion about the situation I want . Please have some tolerance towards other people's opinions. It is not necessary that people agree with your point of view.
and secondly this is a third person posting someone's personal life on this forum & seeking opinions of others and i think it is wrong if the couple's consent hasn't been taken . There is alot more in this story than actually mentioned only known to the husband wife involved.
let's keep this civil.....and not let emotions get the best of us.
you are always entitled to your opinion...just as every other member is so entitled.
as far as posting someone's personal life is concerned.......there are no identities and some of the details have been changed to protect their identities. you won't know this because you have no idea who these folks are.
the purpose of posting this thread was to illustrate how badly someone's actions can backfire on them.
there are many, many incidents of disputes between couples that we discuss here and it is important to show how some can be really fouled up.
Re: What Were You Thinking???
yes i don't know who these folks are I did not say that their identities are reveled all I said was that this a private matter and these folks are being put on trial here and judged here and yes this includes myself too I have also judged incase someone starts questioning again and I still hold the opinion that it is wrong to post someone's private matter on a public forum.
and like u said " you are always entitled to your opinion...just as every other member is so entitled "so lets not question me if my point of view differs from yours.
I am out of this place now
peace
Re: What Were You Thinking???
Can i say that its dishounourable for a man to leave his kids.
Re: What Were You Thinking???
so let me get this straight.....
you came, you read and you posted your opinion:
very sad situation.
Personally I would not judge her and would not call her step wrong or irrational because in the end the motive & intention behind it was to save her marriage but her husband was just waiting to hear something like that from her , may be he had his mind already set to walk out of this marriage and his children. I mean his marriage may have not meant anything to him but his children they are his flesh and blood not some lifeless objects from his house whom he could leave like this. I mean how can a parent leave his/her child so suddenly ? IMO he never loved them either.
I think it is in her and her children's best interest to have this man out of their lives , it has already been too late better not spend rest of their lives living with someone who can just abandon them like this. She will have to be very very strong and take responsibility of what she has done & start rebuilding her life (which is going to be a long & tough task) .and she should go to court to get the child support don't let the man walk out on his responsibilities like that.
usman0142 came along and took exception to your comments and expressed their own feelings.
keep in mind that nowhere in this post did he/she say that you shouldn't think the way you do.....he/she simply suggested that the wife could have taken another approach. Paheli did the same.
Wow nice way to kill someone's character. she may have been trying to save marriage. filling separation isn't the last resort. She could have easily told him hey i need my space right now. i'm going to my parent's house for couple months or that, maybe he would have realized that he needs them in his life. but like decent said bluff called. it could be her fault not just the mans. he could have been thinking she doesn't want to live with me why would i want to live with her?
out of the blue you came along and told these two to have tolerance and that not all people will agree.
should't you be taking some of your own advice and believing that not everyone will agree with your own point of view?
usman0412 and Paheli- I can have any opinion about the situation I want . Please have some tolerance towards other people's opinions. It is not necessary that people agree with your point of view.
and secondly this is a third person posting someone's personal life on this forum & seeking opinions of others and i think it is wrong if the couple's consent hasn't been taken . There is alot more in this story than actually mentioned only known to the husband wife involved.
usman0142 further clarified their position in a very reasonable way.....
Exactly, so that's why you can't assume it's husbands fault or wife's fault. but saying it might be better for wife and kids is wrong. you don't know how fed up the husband was. we only know the wife filed for separation and husband took it step further.
Pink'd Out asked a valid question and you retorted with a flippant remark.....
Then why are you in here giving your opinion in the first place? contradicting much?
meri marzi
Your frustration is very obvious in this message....and perhaps rightfully so.....but the root cause are not any of the members taking part in the discussion so isn't it a bit unfair to let loose on them?
fed up of kids ? when I read that she can keep the kids it was like she can keep the change. You people are calling her wrong because two innocent kids are involved here and she did not think about them before making the move but what do you all feel about him leaving his kids ? divorce happens between a couple and not with children no decent & caring parent would ever walk out on his/her children.
I sympathize with your emotions......but isn't this a bit irrational? We are all simply having a discussion here. That's what we do. For all intents and purposes I could have posted the same thread with a disclaimer saying that this is a hypothetical situation.....would that have made you feel better about expressing your opinion?
yes i don't know who these folks are I did not say that their identities are reveled all I said was that this a private matter and these folks are being put on trial here and judged here and yes this includes myself too I have also judged incase someone starts questioning again and I still hold the opinion that it is wrong to post someone's private matter on a public forum.
and like u said " you are always entitled to your opinion...just as every other member is so entitled "so lets not question me if my point of view differs from yours.
I am out of this place now
peace
Sorry that this has upset you so much.
Re: What Were You Thinking???
Can i say that its dishounourable for a man to leave his kids.
absolutely......you can say that.
Re: What Were You Thinking???
if the wife wants separation/divorce, what would the great honorable man do? fight for his kids from their mom? this whole honor thing is the biggest nonsense in desi society.
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but dude she didn't think about the kids? when she filed for the separation where were kids going to go? with the husband or wife?
I think she was thinking about the kids usman and that's why she filed the papers.
Look, she should not have filed so fast. But its not like he even argued with her...he agreed to it so fast.
I think what she was counting on is her husband's love for his children. That's why she stayed with him all these years, right? Her children need their father. That's the bottom line, isn't it?
So when husband didn't even try to keep the family together, he made it clear that he doesn't care. I think diamond's point is simply that a man who walks away from his family so fast...she shouldn't be with him anyway.
And yes, she needs to go to court and make sure she gets child support and anything else she is entitled to.
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Not that what she did was right but I feel bad the lady in the post is being vilified (whether for the right reasons or not)
After 6 years of stressing and fighting, i guess you don't always end up being in the right state of mind to make the logical/rational decision.
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And yes, she needs to go to court and make sure she gets child support and anything else she is entitled to.
Sadly I don't think that this will happen.
If she chases he will likely run to Pakistan and avoid altogether.
Re: What Were You Thinking???
Not that what she did was right but I feel bad the lady in the post is being vilified (whether for the right reasons or not)
After 6 years of stressing and fighting, i guess you don't always end up being in the right state of mind to make the logical/rational decision.
Excellent observation Sara.
I don't think the intention of anyone is to vilify either of the parties involved here. I'm sure that they are both suffering in their own ways.
What we should be doing is learning from what has happened.....perhaps one of us might be faced with an opportunity to help another couple in a similar situation......perhaps as a result of reading all this we might be able to guide them in a better way.
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maybe vilify is the wrong word...but yes everyone here has said it was a bad move on her part...and I feel bad for her... nobody wants to do the wrong thing, but sometimes...things can get so bad that you just dont' care. OR maybe she probably really thought the threat would work. Maybe he'd threatened her in the past, and she felt it worked on her, and it would work again....and as unpleasant as it sounds...sometimes threats and ultimatums DO work...bad, but true.
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Separation agreements cost money and aren't prepared over night. Makes me think she knew what she was doing. It's ok to walk away from a bad situation ....
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It is okay to walk away.....but then she shouldn't be surprised that he's not reacting as she expected.
Mind games are bad even when they don't involve legal documents.
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Maybe she's putting on a show for those around her or for her kids? We don't know the circumstances for either party.
The fact that he's already walked away with no resistance shows how vested he was in the first place.
Then again, maybe his ego has been hurt? We don't know.
Re: What Were You Thinking???
I don't think the woman is any worse (for lack of a better word) than the man in this case. I think they're both equally responsible for the current situation.
After 6 years of stressing and fighting, i guess you don't always end up being in the right state of mind to make the logical/rational decision.
nobody wants to do the wrong thing, but sometimes...things can get so bad that you just dont' care.
I agree with both of the statements above. And in this situation, these statements can be applied to BOTH the husband and wife. Since none of us knows for a fact what the father was thinking....the argument could be made that he doesn't want to put his kids through a court battle, and believes the best thing for them would be to stay with their mom since they're young. Who knows. He certainly wouldn't be the 1st parent ever to sacrifice being with his children if he believes that would be better for them. Again, its very easy to make him to be a jerk (heck I said it earlier myself!). But none of us truly knows what his motives are behind his actions/words.
Over the years they have had numerous disagreements in which both husband and wife have taken turns reaching out to her family and a close family friend. **All have attempted to keep them together **and have made their best efforts to calm the situation down.
I think the bold part above is a major issue in the desi community. Couples reach out for help. Extended family members/close friends believe that the couple should stay together. So instead of focusing on solving the problems, everyone the couple goes to for help ends up being focused on keeping them together, and calming down the situation temporarily. Everyone HOPES that things will get better. No one considers the possibility that sometimes the best solution is for the couple to go their separate ways.
And it goes round and round. Couple fights. Outsiders calm then down and keem them together. Couple deals with the stress every-single-day for years (after all, other family members/friends aren't living with them). Slowly the anger, hurt, resentment grows. And one day is just blows up. Sadly by then innocent children are involved in the picture.
Re: What Were You Thinking???
does anyone else think the husband is sleeping around with 3 or 4 of the neighbours? coz if you analyze the dna on the first post, you see the evidence.
Re: What Were You Thinking???
I think this sums it up
Re: What Were You Thinking???
Turns out the husband says that he is not interested in separation and would prefer to call it quits now and** she can keep the kids**.
Muzna I wanted to clarity the bold part. Not sure if you know the specific details on this but did the husband actually mean that he doesn't want to have ANY contact with the kids at all? As in no visitation etc?
I ask b/c I know someone who's currently going through a divorce. Her husband also doesn't want the kids full-time (the kids are all under 5) but wants to maintain join custody/visitation. Thus I wonder, does the hubby in your story still want be a part of the kids lives, and just doesn't want full physical custody.
Re: What Were You Thinking???
Muzna I wanted to clarity the bold part. Not sure if you know the specific details on this but did the husband actually mean that he doesn't want to have ANY contact with the kids at all? As in no visitation etc?
I ask b/c I know someone who's currently going through a divorce. Her husband also doesn't want the kids full-time (the kids are all under 5) but wants to maintain join custody/visitation. Thus I wonder, does the hubby in your story still want be a part of the kids lives, and just doesn't want full physical custody.
I am pretty sure that he's going to want shared custody but he will not have them living with him. Perhaps her separation agreement offered a solution whereby they would live with both (a week here, a week there) or something like that.
Knowing what I do of his personality, and I'm still guessing here, I can't imagine him giving up his rights altogether.
Time will tell I suppose.