Re: What Were You Thinking???
muzna: disturbing situation.
Re: What Were You Thinking???
muzna: disturbing situation.
STA: indeed
Re: What Were You Thinking???
So there's a desi couple that have been through a tumultuous relationship over the past, let's say 6 or 7 years. They have a six year old daughter and a toddler son. They live on their own in Canada with her family within driving distance and his family back in Pakistan. Both have decent employment and they own their own place.
Over the years they have had numerous disagreements in which both husband and wife have taken turns reaching out to her family and a close family friend. All have attempted to keep them together and have made their best efforts to calm the situation down.
From my interactions with the couple I can see that the husband has some very negative views about western society. He is of the opinion that this (Canada) is not a place to live and raise a family. One should simply make money and take it back to Pakistan......take every opportunity to rip off the system......take advantage of whatever comes his way for his benefit and then head back to the promised land. Along with these views he has some narrow views on how a wife should act/behave and how her interaction with her family should be limited.
She used to be a sweet young girl before she got married. Her mother had raised her to know how to manage a home, cook, clean, etc. as well as hold down a job. It was not until several years after her marriage that I saw her and boy was there a change! She had hardened....seemed bitter and obstinate. Today her smile has vanished and in its place there is obvious dejection.
I found out that recently that the situation had worsened and she had served papers to her husband. To everyone's surprise the papers turned out to be separation papers and not a petition for divorce. Everyone was completely convinced that she would want to be done with the whole relationship and walk away.
Turns out the husband says that he is not interested in separation and would prefer to call it quits now and she can keep the kids.
His response has left her devastated. She is shattered that he would walk away and further troubled by the fact that he doesn't want to even fight for the kids.
When asked why she did what she did and why she is surprised she replied that she wanted to have some time away, perhaps scare him a little with the idea that he could lose his family and gain some ground in the battle.
All's fair in love and war? What do you think?
If her intention was to scare him...this was wrong.
If her intention was divorce...this was right.
Having him served with papers when he is already so bitter...not a good move. All it did was push him over the edge...even further away from her. There is a certain finality a person feels when its on paper. Her plan could have been better.
She isn't wrong though to want to call it quits if she is.
I feel there is a point where you have to see if you're even capable of being happy for the sake of your kids. Staying in a marriage where there is no love for wife or children is NOT beneficial for the family. They grow up seeing this and thinking its how marriages are...the mentalities we gawk at over here...they have a beginning somewhere right? Someone out there plants a seed in their mind...who does it? Parents, our family system, our ghar ka mahol, environment, examples they see around them, etc.
I think she could definitely approached it differently but from what I read so far...I am not sure what is left to save? She has lost herself completely in this marriage.
Re: What Were You Thinking???
Word. Don’t deal out what you cannot handle.
Re: What Were You Thinking???
All is fair in love and war?
Naah, if anything, be fair in love and war.
Re: What Were You Thinking???
Queen you are smart. Stay away from Life1.
Re: What Were You Thinking???
The law can't get him to pay child support if he wraps up and moves back to Pakistan. And he does want to save up and move back.
Re: What Were You Thinking???
The law can't get him to pay child support if he wraps up and moves back to Pakistan.
very true.
by the same token the methods of revenge available there are mostly without consequence......
Re: What Were You Thinking???
anything is to be done in love and war, should be fair.
Re: What Were You Thinking???
very sad situation.
Personally I would not judge her and would not call her step wrong or irrational because in the end the motive & intention behind it was to save her marriage but her husband was just waiting to hear something like that from her , may be he had his mind already set to walk out of this marriage and his children. I mean his marriage may have not meant anything to him but his children they are his flesh and blood not some lifeless objects from his house whom he could leave like this. I mean how can a parent leave his/her child so suddenly ? IMO he never loved them either.
I think it is in her and her children's best interest to have this man out of their lives , it has already been too late better not spend rest of their lives living with someone who can just abandon them like this. She will have to be very very strong and take responsibility of what she has done & start rebuilding her life (which is going to be a long & tough task) .and she should go to court to get the child support don't let the man walk out on his responsibilities like that.
Re: What Were You Thinking???
very sad situation.
Personally I would not judge her and would not call her step wrong or irrational because in the end the motive & intention behind it was to save her marriage but her husband was just waiting to hear something like that from her , may be he had his mind already set to walk out of this marriage and his children. I mean his marriage may have not meant anything to him but his children they are his flesh and blood not some lifeless objects from his house whom he could leave like this. I mean how can a parent leave his/her child so suddenly ? IMO he never loved them either.
I think it is in her and her children's best interest to have this man out of their lives , it has already been too late better not spend rest of their lives living with someone who can just abandon them like this. She will have to be very very strong and take responsibility of what she has done & start rebuilding her life (which is going to be a long & tough task) .and she should go to court to get the child support don't let the man walk out on his responsibilities like that.
Wow nice way to kill someone's character. she may have been trying to save marriage. filling separation isn't the last resort. She could have easily told him hey i need my space right now. i'm going to my parent's house for couple months or that, maybe he would have realized that he needs them in his life. but like decent said bluff called. it could be her fault not just the mans. he could have been thinking she doesn't want to live with me why would i want to live with her?
Re: What Were You Thinking???
.Personally I would not judge her and would not call her step wrong or irrational because in the end the motive & intention behind it was to save her marriage
People who choose to drive while drunk don't have any intentions of harming anyone. They just don't consider the possibility that someone could get hurt exists. So when that happens, we still hold them responsible right? After all, just b/c they didn't INTEND to kill someone, that doesn't mean that their action was right or rational.
Her intention may have been to save her marriage...I'll agree with that. BUT as a adult woman who's the mother of 2 children, it was wrong for her not to stop and consider the numerous possibilities of her action. Like a immature school girl, she assumed that he's get scared and come back to her crying. The fact that she chose to ignore the possibility that he might actually agree to her "tactic" is beyond ridiculous. At this stage in her life, she should know better.
Re: What Were You Thinking???
I have to agree with Paheli.
When the lives of four individuals are at stake.....particularly when two of them are innocent young kids that depend on you......you cannot afford to play games like this.
If she didn't want a permanent result than she really should not have started down that path.
Re: What Were You Thinking???
usman0412 and Paheli- I can have any opinion about the situation I want . Please have some tolerance towards other people's opinions. It is not necessary that people agree with your point of view.
and secondly this is a third person posting someone's personal life on this forum & seeking opinions of others and i think it is wrong if the couple's consent hasn't been taken . There is alot more in this story than actually mentioned only known to the husband wife involved.
Re: What Were You Thinking???
there is alot more in this story than actually mentioned only known to the husband wife involved.
Exactly, so that's why you can't assume it's husbands fault or wife's fault. but saying it might be better for wife and kids is wrong. you don't know how fed up the husband was. we only know the wife filed for separation and husband took it step further.
Re: What Were You Thinking???
usman0412 and Paheli- I can have any opinion about the situation I want . Please have some tolerance towards other people's opinions. It is not necessary that people agree with your point of view.
and secondly this is a third person posting someone's personal life on this forum & seeking opinions of others and i think it is wrongl if her consent hasn't been taken . There is alot more in this story than actually mentioned only known to the husband wife involved.
Then why are you in here giving your opinion in the first place? contradicting much?
Re: What Were You Thinking???
Then why are you in here giving your opinion in the first place? contradicting much?
meri marzi
Re: What Were You Thinking???
Exactly, so that's why you can't assume it's husbands fault or wife's fault. but saying it might be better for wife and kids is wrong. you don't know how fed up the husband was. we only know the wife filed for separation and husband took it step further.
fed up of kids ? when I read that she can keep the kids it was like she can keep the change. You people are calling her wrong because two innocent kids are involved here and she did not think about them before making the move but what do you all feel about him leaving his kids ? divorce happens between a couple and not with children no decent & caring parent would ever walk out on his/her children.
Re: What Were You Thinking???
the reason i'm calling her wrong is because she tried to play and it back fired on her, but in all honesty in a court who gets kids most of the time?
Re: What Were You Thinking???
She got blindsided by her husband's apathy towards the kids. She was counting on him asking for a second chance for the sake of his kids, but he doesn't give a rat's ass. He would have left her sooner or later even if she hadn't served him the papers. He was already thinking about it or else he wouldn't have made this decision so easily.