Re: What should I do?
OMG!!! BB! Congratssssss… I am soooo happy for you! :)
Just relax and enjoy! Let you MIL do her childish stuff. Please stop serving them! Don't even go near her. Join like a pregnancy class or something.
I can't even respond to her behavior anymore because I am so happy for you.
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After reading all this I don't know why I'm feeling this way... She is going to hurt you, I mean physically...stay away from her as much as u can...may God protect u and ur baby....and try to avoid eating that she makes specially for You these days
What should I do?
Congratulations on your pregnancy!
Re: What should I do?
Bohot bohot mubarak ho! May Allah SWT bless you with an easy pregnancy, and may your child be blessed with the best of health, imaan, naseeb, ameen.
I hope you've realised by now that you are responsible for another human being and that your baby should now be your top priority. If that means resting whenever you want resulting in no dinner/ a pile of laundry/ messed up house then so be it... the good ol' Aunty can do it or put up with it. Take great care of yourself please.
So glad you walked out on her (but how cheap that she followed you to finish off her rants!)... keep up this defensive attitude and hopefully she'll give up one day iA.
May Allah SWT make things easier for you, soon.
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ps: dont rub it into your hubby's face that his parents aren't show any happiness, he's probably hurting more then you but cant admit it.
Thanks for the wishes guys, it really means a lot. MILs still giving me the silent treatment like a kid but taunting at the same time, Hubby's been taking dinner to their room since they came, and they close the door and I'm left out all alone to eat. During lunch she just takes her n FILs food inside. She told hubby main tumhari biwi se abb zyada kaam nahi karwana chahti....hello? Who's cooking the food you're eating? And who's cleaning up after you?? She's basically buttering hubby and he's falling for it arguing with me over small things now.
We went to a wedding yesterday and someone was talking about my BIL getting married and she added "bas Allah ab buri bahu se bachaye and khushiyan dikhayen" and the aunty goes "bas sabr Karen aap, aap ko meetha phal milega". Like wth?? I told this to hubby and he yelled at me for being so "sensitive". This lady is giving me a bad name everywhere and I'm not even allowed to open up to my husband *sigh*. He's been coming from work and going straight to their room and basically comes out for namaz and when it's time to go to sleep.
He's not even talking to me coz hes always in her room or doesn't seem as excited for the pregnancy. Oh and MILs playing the same game again...saying stuff like biwi ka khayal rakho n stuff in front of him and behind his back she's giving me the same hell as ever! She even said she doesn't wanna go to Pak. She told me Han tumne peeche se aish Karni hogi...I just kept quiet. I'm just too frustrated than ever before. Although I'm happy, but I often think I did a mistake trying to bring a child in this mess :(
Re: What should I do?
Why is your hubby not eating with you? DId you tell him that you need love and affection too.
This lady is completely insane! Just stay as far away from her as possible. Don't sit with her at dawaats, don't even speak with her unless it becomes absolutely necessary.
It is great when she gives you the silent treatment, just don't say anything but salaam when you see her.
I hate how your hubby treats you. I hate even more that you put up with it.
I will keep you in my prayers.
What should I do?
Well her abuse was bound to increase. That much was expected. She wants you to ask for forgiveness and get back in to line. Bringing a baby into the mix was a mistake, but theres no point crying over that. Forget the inlaws, the baby should be your priority.
As for your husband; the least said the better. You NEED to give him an ultimatum.to do the right thing!!
Apparently hubby's not eating with me coz MIL told him to bring the food into their room coz she doesn't wanna give me kaam like setting up the table. Obviously it is BS coz setting up the table is far less than cooking and cleaning. And even IF she thought that way, they could've told me to come in and eat but NO, they just close the door. Even hubby doesn't even ask me to come in or he doesn't even ask if I ate while they were eating inside. He just basically comes into our room when I'm already done with cleaning and in bed.
I told him it hurts me and he basically said my mom needs my time too. I don't know what she's putting into his head. He didn't talk like this before. He used to say things but his tone is completely changed. He even told me the other day "don't try to boss me, I'm not answerable to you, I'm not your dog"....i was shocked! I had only asked him why they closed the door while eating inside....and I asked just casually like I was smiling! I just don't know what's wrong. He seemed very happy when we found out I'm pregnant but now he doesn't even say a word since his mom came back. How can people change to that extreme in matter of couple of days. MIL on the other hand keeps asking me "how I got pregnant NOW"....I just smiled and said Allah ki marzi and she is not buying that answer coz she's asking me the same question everyday! I don't know what's wrong with these people!
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^ Congrats on your pregnancy!!
I think other married women will be able to help you out in terms of your husband, but my heart really goes out to you. I pray that Allah makes all this easier for you and gives you the strength and ability to deal with such problems. Ameen.
As for your MIL wanting to know how you got pregnant....could you do me a huuuuge favour?? Please tell her EXACTLY HOW you got pregnant and secretly videotape it, and then put it on GS. :D
P.S. Although I'm not so serious about videotaping it, I am about telling her exactly how and make sure you don't miss out those minor details. You never know, she might just get off your back!!
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He's not even talking to me coz hes always in her room or doesn't seem as excited for the pregnancy. Oh and MILs playing the same game again...saying stuff like biwi ka khayal rakho n stuff in front of him and behind his back she's giving me the same hell as ever! She even said she doesn't wanna go to Pak. She told me Han tumne peeche se aish Karni hogi...I just kept quiet. I'm just too frustrated than ever before. Although I'm happy, but I often think I did a mistake trying to bring a child in this mess :(
Yeah, let's just leave it at that.
I really don't understand how you make your decisions or prioritize: you wanted a party, party you got. You knew the outcome exactly and as it happens, you become afraid, upset and hurt all over. You wanted a baby even though the writing was on the wall about your situation but alas baby you got. Lather, rinse, repeat.
I honestly feel so bad when I read your posts and how they alienate and isolate you but then again - you kind of permit all this to happen.
Hope you are given the strength in the upcoming days to handle whatever else is being planned and thrown your way. Keep yourself and the baby safe.
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Thanks for the wishes guys, it really means a lot. MILs still giving me the silent treatment like a kid but taunting at the same time, Hubby's been taking dinner to their room since they came, and they close the door and I'm left out all alone to eat. During lunch she just takes her n FILs food inside. She told hubby main tumhari biwi se abb zyada kaam nahi karwana chahti....hello? Who's cooking the food you're eating? And who's cleaning up after you?? She's basically buttering hubby and he's falling for it arguing with me over small things now.
We went to a wedding yesterday and someone was talking about my BIL getting married and she added "bas Allah ab buri bahu se bachaye and khushiyan dikhayen" and the aunty goes "bas sabr Karen aap, aap ko meetha phal milega". Like wth?? I told this to hubby and he yelled at me for being so "sensitive". This lady is giving me a bad name everywhere and I'm not even allowed to open up to my husband *sigh*. He's been coming from work and going straight to their room and basically comes out for namaz and when it's time to go to sleep.
He's not even talking to me coz hes always in her room or doesn't seem as excited for the pregnancy. Oh and MILs playing the same game again...saying stuff like biwi ka khayal rakho n stuff in front of him and behind his back she's giving me the same hell as ever! She even said she doesn't wanna go to Pak. She told me Han tumne peeche se aish Karni hogi...I just kept quiet. I'm just too frustrated than ever before. Although I'm happy, but I often think I did a mistake trying to bring a child in this mess :(
So she's not talking to you anymore. I'd suggest you try to take advantage of that situation. Look at the bright side. I think what you need to do now is to show that their behaviour is not affecting you. As for the comments made, a nice answer to that would have been to talk to them normally, showing that you don't see any connection with the comment and anyone you know. Add in a nice grin to make things more effective. Then at a later point, talk about that someone you know whose guests refuse to leave. Or you could also start talking about how much you enjoyed your dawat and thanking the people for coming over and stuff, saying you need to do it again, and how you thought that was one of your best dawats in a long time. You've got to show that you're not going to be intimidated by them. Try to avoid arguing with the husband. This is probably a tense situation for him too.
What's the situation with going out, getting mail and regular errands now? I'd say you take the opportunity to take little steps and reestablish the boundaries.
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I'm just too frustrated than ever before. Although I'm happy, but I often think I did a mistake trying to bring a child in this mess :(
You know, you posted a few months ago about the EXACT SAME STUFF. People here told you the EXACT SAME THING. that bringing a child into this mess won't be the best idea. You knew EXACTLY what was going to happen, so I'm not sure why you're surprised and sad--what are you expecting really?
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Bringing a baby into the mix was a mistake, but theres no point crying over that. Forget the inlaws, the baby should be your priority.
As for your husband; the least said the better. You NEED to give him an ultimatum.to do the right thing!!
Yeah, let's just leave it at that.
I really don't understand how you make your decisions or prioritize: you wanted a party, party you got. You knew the outcome exactly and as it happens, you become afraid, upset and hurt all over. You wanted a baby even though the writing was on the wall about your situation but alas baby you got. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Agree with the above. Of course trying to get pregnant in this mess was a HUGE mistake. But you chose to think with your emotions instead of your brain. Its too late now and no point in wasting time/energy dwelling on the past. The other thread written by Princess....go through it carefully. Her husband/in-laws have not changed in 7 YEARS.....even after 1 kid (I believe she's currently pregnant with her 2nd). Learn something from her thread. Your in-laws will NOT change. Get that through your head. And you need to have a serious conversation with your husband and figure out whether or not he's going to support you. Because if not, then it's just you and the baby in that household with your husband/in-laws constantly picking on you. This is the time for you to get focused and stay strong.....b/c things will only get harder with the pregnancy/new born.
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BusyBee...you're pregnant. Things are about to get a whole lot harder. Please don't get scared or upset. What you need to do is figure out what to do gain control over your marriage and life. No, I don't think you understand what that means. If your MIL gets nasty with you behind your husband's back - fight back now. Stand up for yourself otherwise you will be treated like dirt in front of your kids...right now its husband and MIL...later on...it will be your baby.
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I'd NEVER let anyone push me around like that
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You need to separate from your hubby for a while and give him the ultimatum that you wish to bring up your kids without inlaws or seriously consider ending the marriage.
What should I do?
In most scenarios, abuse usually gets worse after a child.. When you are most vulnerable, physically and emotionally dependent, isolated, and even less likely to leave. Why you thought it would improve anything is beyond me. However you owe it to your unborn child now to either make a stand, or get out of there. Go to a friends, relative.. Refuge if need be.. Until your parents get back.
Either that or you can continue to live as you are, accept things as they are and quit complaining.
But one thing is clear, you DO have a choice in the matter. You are not powerless to resolve the issue either way.
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Put in on GS why 
I understand the humour but why extend it and put it on GS 
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^ I think she means to secretly videotape her reaction to telling her MIL "HOW" she got pregnant. :D