The other kids don't even bother calling and telling them to come over. Yes, my hubby and I are enablers, we both know it, but can't help it much :( I guess I should've stood up for myself since the beginning and now since it's too late, I have to take baby steps, so, it'll take a long while till I get there.
Don't ever think it's too late. You're already taking steps in the right direction, which is much better than when I first read this thread. Anyhow, from here on out, don't involve or discuss any of your matters with your MIL.
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Hubby's already booked my ticket but now MIL is playing the "can't fly in pregnancy" card. The flight is only about 3 hours and it's not like I'm near my due date. She's just playing innocent and saying stuff like the baby gets effected from the flight.....right! My husband is not even saying a word back to them anymore, at least he used to say "some" stuff before but not anymore....don't know what changed. He's fine with me (most of the time) but doesn't wanna hear anything about them or say anything to them.
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This is exactly why I said stick with recordings. He's probably stressed enough with all this and would like to limit his involvement. So try not to get him involved in confrontations. If he confronts on behalf of his mother, then play the recordings.
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I don't discuss anything with MIL. We barely talk. She only talks to me when she needs something done or needs to ask me something. Other than that we don't have much communication. She's just showing that she's worried about the baby if i take a flight. My Dr already approved for me to fly, MIL knows it. I know it's not about the baby, it's about me staying here and catering to their needs. But, i hope hubby doesn't fall for her drama before my flight....one more week inshaAllah!
Also, I recorded her once few years ago when hubby didn't believe me but I got a lecture from him on how it's gunah and what not. I told him I only did it coz I want him to believe me. He said he already knows how his mom is, he doesn't need a reminder or proof. Even now, he says he knows she's doing wrong with me but I have to "ignore" it coz he doesn't wanna spoil his relation with his parents. So i guess his bottom line is, I should deal with and ignore everything just so they all can be happy. Smh!!
Good! :k: During the check-up, in front of your hubby, make sure you bring up the 3 hour flight and get the OB to say it’s safe for you/baby to fly. That way MIL can’t use that for the next 48 hours to bug hubby.
Go to your mom’s and take care of yourself and the baby. And please seriously re-evaluate EVERYTHING (what’s best for you AND the baby) before you make the decision to return home to hubby/MIL. It’s not only you anymore. You’re responsible for the physical AND emotional well-being of another human now. Time for some serious soul-searching.
Well, my MIL wants me to come back before Ramadan....smh! My ticket is only one-way for now. I told hubby I'm not coming before August. I wanna spend Eid with mom since my dad's gonna be in Pakistan and also I haven't spent Eid with my family in a long time!
When MIL asked me to come back before Ramadan, I just said "I'll see" . So, I don't know what she's thinking but hubby knows I'm not coming back before Eid...at least!
Well, my MIL wants me to come back before Ramadan....smh! My ticket is only one-way for now. I told hubby I'm not coming before August. I wanna spend Eid with mom since my dad's gonna be in Pakistan and also I haven't spent Eid with my family in a long time!
Good that you booked a one way ticket. For once in your marriage, put your foot down and stand up for yourself. Stay with your mom and enjoy a nice, relaxing Ramadan/Eid with her.
So when do you leave? I hope you go there and get a good rest. Here are some suggestions:
If your MIL tries to reach you, have it go through you mother first (i.e. have her answer the phone)
Have your conversations with her on speakerphone in the presence of your mom. If mom’s not around, don’t answer.
Spend Eid (and why not Eid-al-Adha) with your mom as well.
Relax. Don’t take any tension from MIL.
No matter what MIL tries, stand your ground.
Well, this will be good for both you and your child.
InshaAllah I get some rest and peace there. I leave this Friday. MIL will not call me, I know that. We barely talk at home so she won’t call at all. She doesn’t talk to my parents either. My mom calls her on special occasions. She’s never called my mom, even when my naano and daadi died, let alone special occasions! But, she’ll keep bothering my husband to call me back and she’ll use many excuses for that. I’m also scared that hubby might give in to her drama and call me back even though we already discussed I’m spending Eid there. Lets see what happens.
Well, my MIL wants me to come back before Ramadan....smh! My ticket is only one-way for now. I told hubby I'm not coming before August. I wanna spend Eid with mom since my dad's gonna be in Pakistan and also I haven't spent Eid with my family in a long time!
When MIL asked me to come back before Ramadan, I just said "I'll see" . So, I don't know what she's thinking but hubby knows I'm not coming back before Eid...at least!
I am so glad that you will get away from your MIL. I really hope you get to spend Eid with your mom and your MIL doesn't ruin it. She probably wants you to cater to her needs while she is fasting. She is so eviL! arghh it makes me angry and sad every time I read your posts.
InshaAllah I get some rest and peace there. I leave this Friday. MIL will not call me, I know that. We barely talk at home so she won't call at all. She doesn't talk to my parents either. My mom calls her on special occasions. She's never called my mom, even when my naano and daadi died, let alone special occasions! But, she'll keep bothering my husband to call me back and she'll use many excuses for that. I'm also scared that hubby might give in to her drama and call me back even though we already discussed I'm spending Eid there. Lets see what happens.
Please stand your ground and do not come back because she will only make your life hell.
InshaAllah I get some rest and peace there. I leave this Friday. MIL will not call me, I know that. We barely talk at home so she won't call at all. She doesn't talk to my parents either. My mom calls her on special occasions. She's never called my mom, even when my naano and daadi died, let alone special occasions! But, she'll keep bothering my husband to call me back and she'll use many excuses for that. I'm also scared that hubby might give in to her drama and call me back even though we already discussed I'm spending Eid there. Lets see what happens.
So have your mom talk to your husband if that's the case and make excuses for you and why you can't come back. If you do come back early, then bring your mom with you. Even better, have him pay for the ticket. But if he's promised you, he's bound by it.
I don't get why the OP can't stand for herself and say I will stay with my mother for xyz time period. Why the entire world needs to make excuses to convince her husband.
I don't get why the OP can't stand for herself and say I will stay with my mother for xyz time period. Why the entire world needs to make excuses to convince her husband.
You're 1000% right. I would tell her to make clear to her husband from now that she's only coming back after spending Eid and she doesn't care what his mother says. Also, whatever his mother says about her coming back early, her husband should just tell her that she'll come back when she decides to and there's no point in her saying anything anymore. So whatever her MIL says, her husband doesn't need to tell her anything because she doesn't want to know and if he asks her to come back early because mother told him to, she should just stay with her mother anyway, until she decides she's ready to go back telling him that she knows it's not really what he wants, he's just saying it because his mother told him to.
It would be nice if she could put her foot down like that but I just wanted to be cautious in what I suggested. Because apart from that, the fact that she needs to start putting her foot down was fairly obvious.
I don't get why the OP can't stand for herself and say I will stay with my mother for xyz time period. Why the entire world needs to make excuses to convince her husband.
OP, I'm going to list everything you have mentioned in your thread that has actually happened without actually worrying abt what you think/MIL thinks/we think.
1. you were able to have a party without your MIL and enjoy it
2. you married the man of your choice against parents' wishes.
3. you are now being blessed with a child
4. you have a home you can call your own and your parents in law visit as guests but its still YOUR own house.
5. you are only 8 weeks pregnant and husband has already booked you a ticket to your mother's house to get some rest.
6. your mom cancelled her pak trip cuz she cares for you and wants to help you.
7. Its not all roses. you do alot of house work and your MIL says very means things to you and elbowed you once because you were resting and making her mad by disobeying her.
But all in all, you have an awesome life. Yet you are focusing only on the negative. What your MIL says/thinks/wants is alot smaller than what is actually happening. you haven't even gone back to your mom's house and you are already only worrying and thinking about what your MIL will say to bring you back or what kind of excuses she will use etc etc. NOBODY can force you to board a flight you don't want to. You haven't mentioned even once how you are so glad that your husband has booked you a flight or that you were able to book yourself a one-way flight. You haven't mentioned any exciting things you will do once back at mom's place or how relaxing it will be to spend all this time in your mom's home. You haven't really shown much gratitute towards your mom for cancelling her trip to pakistan for your sake. You should be glad you have such loving ppl all around you and to be honest, things are going your way. You simply choose to focus on the much smaller negligible stuff and complain about it which is bad for your baby.
^ If you have a person in your life who does all sorts of things to bother you, your life becomes focussed towards them. It sort of makes you afraid about what they will do next to mentally prepare yourself. I used to be concerned about my inlaws' reactions every time I chose to do something. It is not that easy to see the positive in life when someone is making you miserable.
She is constantly dealing with drama and I could not call that "smaller negligible stuff." She had to worry so much just to throw a small party at her OWN house. Her husband did fight with her when she brought up going to her parents' place. Additionally, her hubby does not even stand up for her. Her mother had to cancel her flight because her husband did not hire some help or ask his mother to start contributing. He could not even get his parents to go to Pakistan. If she cannot get her in-laws to leave her house, it is debatable whether it is even her own house. She is not even allowed to go walk on her own. How is that small or negligible?
Are you reading the same thread I’m reading? Do you realize that OP does not want to leave her husband to go to her mother’s house? That the reason she’s leaving is b/c of the stress created by the MIL? In this situation, leaving for her mother at 8 weeks pregnant is not a “happy” occasion. Do you not see anything wrong with a pregnant woman who needs to go to her mother’s house in order to rest and focus on her pregnancy? That she’s not able to rest in her own house? Oh are you really serious with #7? Physically hitting another person (even elbowing them b/c one is annoyed) is NEVER ok! On top of that, MIL knew that OP is pregnant! Should OP wait until the next time MIL loses her temper and actually physically hurts her or causes harm to her pregnancy before freaking out?
Why should OP be glad about the ticket being booked? She wanted her husband to send her MIL to Pakistan temporarily as he told her he would…but since he failed to do that…OP is left with no choice but to leave the house herself. Is she supposed to be glad that her husband would rather see his pregnant wife leave the home than his mother…a mother that elbowed the woman carrying her grandchild? Why would any pregnant woman feel happy b/c her husband booked her a 1-way ticket back to her mother’s house?
And none of us really know anything about what conversations OP has had with her own mother so let’s not make assumptions about whether or not her mother feels appreciated for cancelling the Pakistan trip. And yes, OP mother is loving…but if OP felt loved and cared for by her husband and MIL…she wouldn’t have had any reason to go to her mother’s place.
Such husbands who enable or tolerate their parents abuse towards their wives and kids, under the guise of 'respect for parents' will be held responsible by God.
In islam, despite the huge emphasis of obeying your parents, an exemption to disobey is clearly permitted if their demands or behaviour are against the teaching of islam.
OP, I'm going to list everything you have mentioned in your thread that has actually happened without actually worrying abt what you think/MIL thinks/we think.
1. you were able to have a party without your MIL and enjoy it
2. you married the man of your choice against parents' wishes.
3. you are now being blessed with a child
4. you have a home you can call your own and your parents in law visit as guests but its still YOUR own house.
5. you are only 8 weeks pregnant and husband has already booked you a ticket to your mother's house to get some rest.
6. your mom cancelled her pak trip cuz she cares for you and wants to help you.
7. Its not all roses. you do alot of house work and your MIL says very means things to you and elbowed you once because you were resting and making her mad by disobeying her.
But all in all, you have an awesome life. Yet you are focusing only on the negative. What your MIL says/thinks/wants is alot smaller than what is actually happening. you haven't even gone back to your mom's house and you are already only worrying and thinking about what your MIL will say to bring you back or what kind of excuses she will use etc etc. NOBODY can force you to board a flight you don't want to. You haven't mentioned even once how you are so glad that your husband has booked you a flight or that you were able to book yourself a one-way flight. You haven't mentioned any exciting things you will do once back at mom's place or how relaxing it will be to spend all this time in your mom's home. You haven't really shown much gratitute towards your mom for cancelling her trip to pakistan for your sake. You should be glad you have such loving ppl all around you and to be honest, things are going your way. You simply choose to focus on the much smaller negligible stuff and complain about it which is bad for your baby.
Busybee - DO take a stand and let your hubby know you will not be back before Eid. Regardless of what MIL says. If your husband says his mom wants you back....tell him YOUR mom wants you to spend Eid with her. You're not a child, your husband or MIL can't dictate for how long you're willing to stay at your mom's. It should be YOUR decision.
Are you reading the same thread I’m reading? Do you realize that OP does not want to leave her husband to go to her mother’s house? That the reason she’s leaving is b/c of the stress created by the MIL? In this situation, leaving for her mother at 8 weeks pregnant is not a “happy” occasion. Do you not see anything wrong with a pregnant woman who needs to go to her mother’s house in order to rest and focus on her pregnancy? That she’s not able to rest in her own house? Oh are you really serious with