One thing I’ll add is that your MIL knows that she can get you to do anything by asking her husband to tell you. If you can show her that’s no longer going to work, then you’ll see some progress. So it’s likely not a question of if your husband will “change his mind” about it, but more of when. If you were to tell him that you know it’s his mother’s wish and not his, then you’re not going to comply. You can also tell him that you don’t want to know what his mother wants so don’t even bother telling you next time. You need your rest and you’re not going to get it there, that’s why you’re at your mother’s.
The only way you’ll have hope of deterring them is to start putting your foot down. Also remember, whenever you do decide to put your foot down, at first, they’re always going to take their antics up a notch. You know something’s coming so be prepared for it and don’t give in. If they line up more work for you, leave it pending indefinitely. Ignore their tantrums and do not keep any expectations from them, aside from that they’ll try something else to give you a hard time.
After all that ranting, I wish you a safe trip, good rest and a happy Eid spent with your mom and far away from antics of MIL.
OP, I'm going to list everything you have mentioned in your thread that has actually happened without actually worrying abt what you think/MIL thinks/we think.
1. you were able to have a party without your MIL and enjoy it
2. you married the man of your choice against parents' wishes.
3. you are now being blessed with a child
4. you have a home you can call your own and your parents in law visit as guests but its still YOUR own house.
5. you are only 8 weeks pregnant and husband has already booked you a ticket to your mother's house to get some rest.
6. your mom cancelled her pak trip cuz she cares for you and wants to help you.
7. Its not all roses. you do alot of house work and your MIL says very means things to you and elbowed you once because you were resting and making her mad by disobeying her.
But all in all, you have an awesome life. Yet you are focusing only on the negative. What your MIL says/thinks/wants is alot smaller than what is actually happening. you haven't even gone back to your mom's house and you are already only worrying and thinking about what your MIL will say to bring you back or what kind of excuses she will use etc etc. NOBODY can force you to board a flight you don't want to. You haven't mentioned even once how you are so glad that your husband has booked you a flight or that you were able to book yourself a one-way flight. You haven't mentioned any exciting things you will do once back at mom's place or how relaxing it will be to spend all this time in your mom's home. You haven't really shown much gratitute towards your mom for cancelling her trip to pakistan for your sake. You should be glad you have such loving ppl all around you and to be honest, things are going your way. You simply choose to focus on the much smaller negligible stuff and complain about it which is bad for your baby.
No, things did not happen without me "worrying" about what MIL will think. I had to go thru a lot of worrying and in the end, the results were bad too.
Yes, I had the party without MIL (first time without her) and enjoyed it but I couldn't have enjoyed it with her being here.....in my own house! Although I had the party I was still scared of her in my mind. Trust me, living in fear doesn't bring any positive thoughts.
Yes, I married him. My parents were only against it because of his family. They didn't have any problems with him, whereas his family had problems with everything. Then again, getting your love on the expense of suffering all your life= positive thinking? I don't think so!
Alhamdulillah for this blessing but I still live in fear how my child will be treated when my MIL already doesn't want this child or any happiness for me. Positive Much?? NO!
Yes, I can call it "my home" but what right do I have on this home. Only 2-3 months out of the year I can do what I want and even then I have to worry about "afterwards" when they come back. They're guests but certainly treat me like they own me too, let alone the house. I don't see anything positive in this either.
Yes, my husband booked the ticket, after me begging to do so. First of all, I should be able to feel rested in my "own house", shouldn't I? And it's still not decided when I come back since his mom can demand him anytime to call me back. Nothing positive here either.
Yes, my mom had to cancel her trip for a wedding. She's probably gonna get a hearing from her relatives too. They don't know she had to cancel it because my MIL is ruining my life. They think she didn't wanna come and obviously she won't go tell everyone why she actually canceled it. Of course she cares for me, but how positive is it for her to hear stuff from people just because my MIL is acting evil?
Elbowed me once? Are you kidding me? If it happened once, It can happen twice, thrice, and many more times. I was not disobeying her, never have. I was sleeping for God's sake in my so called "own house". So basically, I can't sleep with my own wish and that constitutes as disobeying my MIL? Yeah, very positive!
Alhamdulillah, I have a great life and better than many. I'm not focusing on the negative, these are major things. It's not at all smaller than what my MIL does/says/thinks. It's hard to live with all this for 6 years and that too when you don't have any support. Of course I will think about what MIL will say/think/do before I even go because I know how she is and what she's done in the past. How can a person be positive for someone when all the negatives come from them? She already told me to come before ramadan.....isn't that enough to worry? Yes, I'm glad he FINALLY booked the flight after I begged him. He's done it for the sake of his unborn child......any sane man would do it. And, of course I know how relaxing and exciting it will be here at my mom's and that's why I'm here! Also, how am I supposed to show gratitude towards mom canceling her ticket...on a forum?! Of course I owe it to her but I can't chant that here on GS.....I come here for advice. Moreover, if you remember from my previous posts, I didn't want her to cancel her trip at all.
I'm glad there are loving people on my life. I don't choose to focus on "small negligible" stuff. This IS NOT small negligible stuff. I don't even mention daily "small negligible" stuff in my posts. I'm not doing any na-shukrapan at all. I'm not being hard either, If I was like that, I would have left my husband in the first year of my marriage. I don't see anything positive in the points you mentioned, sorry but that's my opinion. From what I know, I think I was strong to deal with all this ALONE!
UPDATE: I'm at my mom's yay!!! I can finally breathe a little! Of course, MIL knew I'm leaving today but she left the house like every friday and didn't even say salams. She left while I was in my room packing. I asked hubby if I should call her and say salams and all.....he said no, there's no need. So, I didn't call her. And of course I cooked before I was supposed to leave and just to show her nakhra, she told my hubby to eat khaana by himself since she's not gonna come early. She said it in front of me while I was cooking, just to show me she doesn't care.....whatever! I'm glad I'm here alhamdulillah :)
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And it's still not decided when I come back since his mom can demand him anytime to call me back. Nothing positive here either.
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No she can't demand anything from you! MAKE SURE you don't give in to this. Stay at your mom's till Eid. If she or hubby says anything, tell them your mom cancelled her trip for you so she could spend Eid with you and that you will stay with her. Seriously, do not give in here because this could be a baby step in the direction to show your MIL that you will make your own decisions. And she's not around to yell or scream at you this time.
No she can't demand anything from you! MAKE SURE you don't give in to this. Stay at your mom's till Eid. If she or hubby says anything, tell them your mom cancelled her trip for you so she could spend Eid with you and that you will stay with her. Seriously, do not give in here because this could be a baby step in the direction to show your MIL that you will make your own decisions. And she's not around to yell or scream at you this time.
This. What would happen if you just tell your husband that you don't want to hear about his mother's tantrums and tell him not to tell her every detail about your matters either. He should be a man and keep your matters and hers separate. As flawedsoul said, stand your ground this time. Don't go back till after Eid. I've said this before but here it is again--if he does ask you to come early, tell him that he's done his part by conveying his mother's message but you know he doesn't really care about it and he said you could. So you're going to stay until Eid and if his mother has anything more to say about it, you don't want to know but he should just tell her you won't come and there's no point beating that dead horse anymore.
She'll do it as long as YOU let her. Remember what your mother left for you. Don't let that go to waste. I doubt his mother could afford to let him leave you if were to refuse, or at least she couldn't if the divorce laws there are as strict as they are here.
Sorry but what a nasty thing to say. A person has been going through so much psychological pressure that she is forced to flee her own house and here you are making light of the situation.
Nasty? I thought I was seeing the whole thing from a very artistic point of view, I genuinely think this thread can make a very good story line for star plus dramas.
PS: Forgive me for taking everything said and told on internet forums with a pinch of salt. :)
you’ll see some progress. So it’s likely not a question of if your husband will “change his mind” about it, but more of when. If you were to tell him that you know it’s his mother’s wish and not his, then you’re not going to comply. You can also tell him that you don’t want to know what his mother wants so don’t even bother telling you next time. You need your rest and you’re not going to get it there, that’s why you’re at your mother’s.