What should I do?

[BusyBee]

Re: What should I do?

@Sidra

If I was you, I’d record her when she’s badmouthing about you, with all the galis and spices. Put it on youtube and send the link through email to all her students and to all those who think that she’s pious.
Throw the party anyways, and take snaps of how fun the party was and send it by mms to her.
Enough to make her furious but at least she’d get the fact that you ain’t submitted to her.

Hahaha funny but seriously that would be the end of me lol.

@Reha

I am not referring to a divorce. I am not even saying your husband is a bad husband. Yes, he needs to man up but let’s face it. This is your battle with your MIL and he cannot fight it for you.
IMHO, baby steps are what get you in trouble in the first place. You think taking small steps will ease her into a more comfortable mind frame. They won’t.
Do what you need to do and ignore everything she does. Do not do battameezi but do not back down.

I know you’re not referring to a divorce but I said I was scared of a divorce because you asked me what I was scared of. But yeah, I understand what you meant. I texted hubby this afternoon telling him I will have the party and he replied back “do it at your own risk” smh!

@ninjamummy

Your MIL does dars/ taleem..so is she into tablighi jamaat? Curious to know!

She goes to tablighi jamaat dars and regular dars and so does the entire family but they’re not into the tablighi stuff though. They only go to their dars and other dars and don’t classify themselves as tablighi jamaat people…if you know what I mean.

@saloo007

OP- Allah only knows how you are living your life in such conditions.

I totally understand what you mean when you say an american born educated girl would not tolerate this because this generation really would not. Heck we don’t even tolerate our parents these days. Its a sad fact but true. We are a selfish generation where we cannot put up with the smallest of hardships and give up. The fact that you are putting up with this is remarkable.

Personally I believe there are two ways you can resolve this situation.

Firstly have the frikkin party. This should be a turning point in your relationship with your mother in law. Show her that you are not going to put up with her antics any more. I am a firm beleiver in giving as good as you get. Treat the next person exactly how they treat you.

Stop acting like her slave. I mean give her food and cups of tea. Thats ok. But do not let her treat you like a slave. You are a human bieng and you need to start valuing yourself.

Have the party. When she throws a fit look her in the eye and tell her you did it because you wanted to. I think for me flawedsoul has hit the nail on the head. Do what you want, let her scream and ignore her. Go where you want, get what you want. She cannot do anything.

Secondly i think your husband needs to tell his parents to go to their own house. No matter how hard it is for him. Would he rather have you go through this torture just because it will be hard for him to tell his parents to go home?

And why not play you mother in law at her own game.. In islam it is your RIGHT to demand a house of your own. Im not sure of the hadees but research it and throw that at her.

Also I do not think you should give a crap about what people in the community think about you.. those people are not who you have to answer to. You only have to answer to Allah. No1 else. So let her say what she wants.

I think what you really need to do is grow some confidence. You need to start valuing yourself and learn to respect yourself. Then Allah will give you the courage to speak up.

Also I know the idea of divorce is so scary. But you need to have faith in your relationship and trust that your husband will do insaf by you. May Allah never bring divorce upon you but you cannot live your life in fear of doing certain things incase he divorces you. This would just mean that your relationship is weak and then brings into question what the point of going through this soul destroying experience is in the first place?

Thanks for understanding, unlike some people who just took the “american born” part out of context. Anyways, He can never tell his parents to go to their house, never. They tell him to book his ticket open and he can’t even ask when should I book the return because she will start saying stuff. Everywhere they go, even to the other kids’ house, my husband has to pay for the tickets. None of the other sons pay for them.

     I haven't personally said to her about my rights to a separate house but once their was a discussion going on about how a girl in the community just moved to a separate place out of her in-laws' house. My hubby casually mentioned that it's her islamic right, so what. MIL just started giving a lecture on how parents are a barkat in the house, the rizq is increased because of the parents, and how she can have a separate house but not stop her in-laws from coming over and staying because the son's house is the parents' house and son's money is parent's money, etc. That girl has no in-law problems and doesn't stop in-laws from coming over. MIL just mentioned it because she knew about herself coming for months. So, I can imagine what will happen if hubby said anything to her about us!