What should I do?

[BusyBee]

Re: What should I do?

@Reha

Why? I don’t understand why you put up with all this?

Okay while I sympathize with the OP - I have one BIG problem with you BusyBee:

You’re making this happen and you’re NOT doing anything at all to fix it. As in nothing.

If an aggressor KNOWS they can hurt you - they will. Its in their nature to do so naturally so they WILL.

If you would like for her to stop - you need to change yourself first. You have not done so and you refuse to stand up for yourself. I know you’re hurt, oppressed and feel like you cannot breathe. If you cannot breathe because you have a medical condition - I get it. However, if you are standing in front of a tank of oxygen and refuse to breathe out of fear of a 47 year old woman who acts like that old grandma from My Big Fat Greek Wedding…you don’t have my sympathy.

You’re an educated woman. You MARRIED your husband against your inlaws’ wishes. You became a PERMANENT part of their lives when they didn’t want you to. This fear of the MIL - where was it when you signed the Nikah papers??? You have guts. You’re just choosing to be helpless right now. Situations like these are infuriating to me because you’re EQUIPPED to deal with this but you won’t.

If I were you, I’d have that party without her and I’d take control of my life. She bad mouths you in the community because she knows she can walk all over you and you won’t do diddly squat in return. Who will question her? Challenge her? You? Who cannot even get your own mail? She treats you like a joke because that’s the position you’ve given yourself in your own home. Open your mouth. Next time she drops a tray full of food like that - say “ammi, apki tabiyat sahi hai?”

You refuse to fight for yourself but then complain about others mistreating you. Your husband is your husband - not a magician and not your babysitter.

To be honest, I put up with this because I don’t want a divorce. I can’t imagine myself being divorced and surviving in our two-faced society, I just can’t. And next, the thing is I’ve tried to speak up here and there but it always ends up backfiring. If I even say a word back in normal conversation she accuses me of being badtameez and then hubby tells me “you shouldn’t have”, even though he knows his mom was wrong. It’s like he tells me to speak up, but when I do, he tells me to agree with what ammi says. And honestly, If I knew MIL was gonna stay like this for the rest of my life I was NOT gonna marry him. He used to assure me his mom is a good-hearted person and she’ll change. I, on the other hand, being only 19-20 y/o used to believe him. Also, due to the fact she’s so known in the community for being a pious lady, does dars/taaleem and stuff, I always thought she can never do anything wrong. I always thought she’s doing all this “temporarily” when she used to cause drama before marriage.

      The other day she even said "agar mere bagair koi takreeb hui yahan to dekho main kaise sabke saamne tumhari naak katwati hun". So, I can't take this. I don't like getting badmouthed in the community for something that I haven't even done. And the funny part, believe her! Since she's so "mazhabi", gives dars, always tasbeeh in her hand, people actually think I'm the evil one. I, on the other hand, don't even mention to anyone what goes on in my house (except GS and few close people). Heck, even my mom doesn't know everything! 

      LOL at "apki tabiyat sahi hai." If I say that, I'm probably gonna get a whole list of cursing thrown at me. I barely talk to her, only if I need to ask her about if I should serve food, if she wants chai and stuff like that. I fear my own words now because no matter what I say, it's always blown out of proportion. I know hubby is not my babysitter but he plays no role at all. It's like I need to fight for myself. He even says so. But, even If I do stand up for myself, he won't back me up. As a matter of fact, he'll tell me to not do it because "ammi bura manjayengi." I'm sick of it myself. 

     I always decide that I'm gonna take baby steps but in the very first step, either I get discouraged because hubby tells me something or MIL creates another big drama. I just go back to square one and nothing has gotten me anywhere :'(