What should I do?

[BusyBee]

Re: What should I do?

@yourfriend

maloom nahi kay yahan per kissko zabardust *Phanttii *ki zaroorat hai??..zayadatii kernay walay ko? yeh zayadatii sahnay walay ko?

I didn’t understand what you mean?

@Captain_Obvious

I’m curious to know, what ayaat and ahadeeth does she quote to you? If it has to do with respect/honor/obedience for parents, then you can smile and tell her that none of it applies to you and her, because it doesn’t. To your husband, sure, but not to you. Also, if your husband left it up to you, it’s up to you. Being the third party spectator who only knows as much as you’ve mentioned in this topic, I say go for it, don’t be shy. Heck, throw another party and maybe another after that.

I agree with Peony that the more you let her push you around, the more she will. You put your foot down, then that’s the first step to a better situation. Of course I’ll never advocate abusing/adopting bad manners but you have to polite but firm at the same time.

She quotes the ayah about parents how Allah says “parents” “right after” Allah. And she mentions “right after” literally like 5-10 times! She doesn’t say it to me anyways, she says it to her son, indirectly telling him to “make me” do as she pleases. Obviously, hubby is not “throwing” the party, I am, for my friend. So, she doesn’t want hubby to agree with me or side with me that’s why she quotes him that and other hadeeths like when Prophet Mohammad was asked who has the right to your goodness and He replied three times with mother and then the father, and jannah lies under your mother’s feet, etc. She keeps repeating “maa ka darja to baap se bhi 3 guna zyada hai, doosre kis khet ki mooli hain” lol…she has repeated this line over a thousand times since I’ve been married to him, sometimes just randomly out of context. I agree with all these rights to parents, and that’s why they’ve never heard a word from me, but she uses it in a blackmailing way. And hubby being the person that he is, listens to these hadeeths/tantrums/other drama and changes his mind to whatever he had said yes to before. He always agrees with me first and then says oh ammi said no now, so now just ignore it or forget about it.

The funny thing is she tells her own daughter about how she doesn’t need to do anything for her in-laws because “Islam” doesn’t force us too. She even tells her daughter that “shohar ka kaam bhi tum per farz nahi hai” and basically, my SILs husband launders his own clothes and even cooks his own breakfast before leaving to work, SIL doesn’t even work and her kids aren’t very little either. There are many things her own daughter does that if I do, I will probably get killed. She’s known in the community for being a pious lady, gives dars, always attending masjid programs, and other things so people believe her when she tells them anything negative about me, stuff that I’ve never even done or said. Oh and the other day, she even said “agar mere bagair koi takreeb hui yahan to dekho main kaise tumhari naak katwati hun sabke saamne”. And I don’t doubt her when she says this!