What should I do?

[BusyBee]

Re: What should I do?

@Shak09

And people still believe in the joys of joint family

j/k

If they bother you so much, you guys should get a place of your own? That is a solution for so many MIL sil problems, but desis can’t leave mommy daddy after shadi eh Sorry don’t mean to be harsh

Actually, this place is ours. My husband also bought them a house too. But they don’t stay in their own house and come to live with us for almost the whole year. They’re usually here 9-10 months, hence, they know people from my community too.

@Paheli00

I 100% agree with Peony. Especially since your husband is not taking MIL’s side and ok’ed the party…and has given you the power to decide. Go ahead with the party. I imagine your closest friends are already aware of your MILs personality. Just send an e-mail out to everyone stating the time/date/place for the party…and clearly state that if they have ANY questions, they should speak with you directly to confirm details. If anyone calls saying that your MIL has told them the party is cancelled…say that at her age, she gets confused easily and should be ignored.

This x 10000!!! People like this are no different than spoiled children. As long as others give into their stupid tantrums, they will continue to use them to get their way.

People know how she is but they have to show and be nice to her too coz my MIL knows their MILs and moms. And lol, I can’t blame her age here, she’s only 47!

@hareem01

Aren’t we suppose to involve our ageing parents in our happiness?

If you read my previous posts, you’d know what kind of happiness she gives me. Besides, MIL doesn’t even know the friend I’m having the party for! And, her son OKed for me to have it w/o her because he knows how she is. She’s only 47 and very active, goes out almost every day to her friends house, whereas I’m at home cooking and doing all the chores and not even ALLOWED to go out of the house w/o her, not even to groceries or heck even check the mail without her!!

@Ahmed_Fayyaz

Yeah, Take advantage of her neediness/helplessness, make her pay for it.

Of course we must but for some people the term “Parents” mean my parents as in her parents and for his parents, goli maaro, they are dramatic people and are always wrong, vice-versa.

Seriously, have you read my other posts?! The way I treat her up to this day and the way she treats me? I go out of my way to please her when she’s degraded me, called me names, threatened divorce…so imagine, if she had been nice to me, how would I treat her?! 2 days ago, she called me a “kutti, haramzadi” in front of the whole family (my husband, BIL, FIL, SIL, and SILs kids) because I forgot to put her clothes in the dryer after the washer was done and she needed them to go out. Tell me how many girls born and raised in America with a professional degree would tolerate it or ignore it?

@Huma

You should be like theek hai ammi aap hon gi toh meri help bhi ho jaye gi … and then make her wash the dishes after the party.

On a serious note, if you only want to spend time with your friends, why not just go out with them instead of having a daawat at home?

Help? What help? She doesn’t even put back her glass after she drinks the water, I have to throw her dirty bones after she’s done eating, I have to bring food to her wherever she’s sitting and take back the dirty dishes while she’s sitting…and I should expect cleaning the dishes from her? No on in this house does anything. I’ve had dawats before and she doesn’t even lift a plate or stir anything on the stove even if it’s burning, because to her, I should be able to manage to cook 7-8 dishes simultaneously! Usually, she just leaves the house during the day when there’s a dawat, comes back right before guests show up, eats/talks with them, goes to her room when the guests are gone. Also, I’m throwing this party for a friend (who’s getting married soon) and MIL doesn’t even know this friend of mine or her family. Going out would be different than throwing a party and even then MIL will want to come along!

@tea1234

^^This. I personally think you should go ahead with it. But if you think it’s gonna cause a big huge drama then just invite your friends out to a restaurant instead. And then you can say to your MIL that you are not having the party at home but don’t say anything else.

Restaurant will be the same thing. If I had hidden from her then gone to a restaurant it would’ve been different but now that she knows I was supposed to throw a party for this friend (whom she only knows by name) she’ll think I booked the restaurant for the party and all that, which is even worse! She won’t care where I have the party, she just wants to attend now. Even though hubby tried to explain her that it’s only our friends and it’ll be weird for her too but nope! FIL just sided with her saying stuff like “maa ko naraaz karoge toh Allah naraz hoga, maa ki badua kyun lete ho, maa ka bhi khayal karo” and all that to hubby. No one realizes that she’s out almost every single day to other people’s house or just to stroll in the mall whereas I barely go out and even when I do, I have to take her with me, no matter what! It’s like she’s like my shadow!!

@Muzna

I may have missed where you mentioned what harm it would cause if she attended…

Muzna, she’s not only insults, degrades, and embarrasses me but also causes unnecessary drama! Usually when we have dawats there are all kind of people, her age too, so she is busy talking to them and still manages to cause all the drama. But now, when it’s only our friends, I know what she’s gonna do. The last dawat we had, She caused so much drama that people came up to me and asked me how do I live with this woman! She deliberately threw a tray on food on the floor and people SAW her, and then blamed on me saying “kisi kaam ki nahi hai yeh, tray bhi sahi se nahi rakhi table per aur tray gir gayi”. And that was before people took the food. Then, she kept on nagging at me for little things in front of everyone and called me names like moti bhaens, nikammi, maasi jaisi shakal, and so much more! She goes out almost every day, and I can’t even step outside the house to check mail without her! Did I ever say anything to her? NO! For once I wanna enjoy without nagging and getting degraded! I want to be able to breathe!