Ok i talked to my mom about it, and she talked to my sister about it. But it did not get well i think it went horribly wrong. After some time talking to my mom, she stormed my room yelling at me that what i told my mother. The argument got really bad and we started to be a bit open to each other about it. she asked what my problem was and i said its the way you dress infront of me, i can see everything. so she goes to me and says, whats the problem with it i know how i am dressing. its ok for you when you see other girls dressing like this when you go out but not when i am dressing like this. why do you get embarrased seeing me. i said because you are my sister!. she said i know how i dress and what it shows and what doesn't and im comfortable with you seeing me like this then why cant you be. I said wtf that means, she didnt say anything and stormed out of the room.
she has some temper, i dont know what she meant by that. My mom was sleeping at that time i think because she has not said anything, i dont think she knows about the argument. and its been hours and im still avoiding my sister. seriously is there a problem with her or me, All i asked her was to not wear too much thin dress that shows you know. i have no idea what to do.
As much as you might dislike what just happened...its good. These things never go well and there's really no way you could have approached her where she didn't get offended.
Let her simmer a bit...think about it...this needed to happen.
Now you know that she doesn't share your moral hangups when it comes to dress codes. Nothing you can do now except for avoiding her when the temperatures are soaring or when she's working. Move your work desk or computer downstairs. Spend some quality time with your mom.
It's time you learn that you can't control everyone around you. People do what they wanna do, you have to learn to work around them. I wouldn't suggest confronting her again or asking mom to, that might aggravate her further and she already knows how to get under your skin. Things could get worse!
I understand the sister wearing thin clothes while at home with the summers being so hot in Pakistan and there being no central AC. I'm pretty sure you prance around the house in your "banyan" all the time, but your sister she's some other worldly creature who shouldn't be affected by the hot weather. Tauba karo bhai, aur dosron ko bhi jeenay do.
but men's bodies are not sexual. It doesnt make us uncomfortable
^No! That is rude and embarrassing coming from a brother. Let the mom take care of it.
& its not at all embarrassing discussing here with others?? A brother could speak about her sister with others but he can't speak to his own sister directly?? wth??
& its not at all embarrassing discussing here with others?? A brother could speak about her sister with others but he can't speak to his own sister directly?? wth??
Embarrassing? You're being unreasonable, Queen. OP ne kaunsa apni behna ka naam aur pata bataya hai thread main that it would be "embarrassing" or shameful for her. He hasn't even attacked her character or criticized her personality........agar us ne aisa kiya hota, it would fall under gheebat, but that's not the case. So, why do u find it embarrassing/shameful/sinful? How about "rants" about in-laws/relos/family/etc....where negative things are said about people.....U think that's much better? He hasn't said his sister is baysharam, chalaak, taiz, badtameez, etc. He was even decent enuf to not use words like naked, bra, and list body parts. To bataao......why are you feeling so embarrassed? But when he says in a gruff way "dhang k kapray nahi pehn sakti" n storms off.....imagine how embarrassed she'd feel when she thinks about what her brother may have seen, etc. You don't see the embarrassment in that? She lives with him and a comment like that can create awkwardness between them. Have u thought of that? Let the mom deal with her...let the mom scold her...lecture her ...whatever.....but it's still less "embarrassing" to get it from ur mother than your bhai. You're a woman yourself...who do u prefer to be scolded by on something this....your mom n sister....or your dad n bro?
Pls sometime come over,you ll just love lahore and ill take you to canal its just near my house, you can enjoy the scenaric veiw of desi men in geeli shalwar, pati hoee banyan and flabs of charbi swiming and eating melons.
Embarrassing? You're being unreasonable, Queen. OP ne kaunsa apni behna ka naam aur pata bataya hai thread main that it would be "embarrassing" or shameful for her. He hasn't even attacked her character or criticized her personality........agar us ne aisa kiya hota, it would fall under gheebat, but that's not the case. So, why do u find it embarrassing/shameful/sinful? How about "rants" about in-laws/relos/family/etc....where negative things are said about people.....U think that's much better? He hasn't said his sister is baysharam, chalaak, taiz, badtameez, etc. He was even decent enuf to not use words like naked, bra, and list body parts. To bataao......why are you feeling so embarrassed? But when he says in a gruff way "dhang k kapray nahi pehn sakti" n storms off.....imagine how embarrassed she'd feel when she thinks about what her brother may have seen, etc. You don't see the embarrassment in that? She lives with him and a comment like that can create awkwardness between them. Have u thought of that? Let the mom deal with her...let the mom scold her...lecture her ...whatever.....but it's still less "embarrassing" to get it from ur mother than your bhai. You're a woman yourself...who do u prefer to be scolded by on something this....your mom n sister....or your dad n bro?
First of all, I would appreciate if you stop over assuming what I said by using words like shameful and sinful. You are over exaggerating my opinion. And No, neither I have appreciated rantings about in-laws, relatives or families !!
Yes, I found it embarrassing because maybe I would not use such a place to speak such thing about my own sibling!
Also a girl always knows what she is wearing and how she is wearing... whether her clothes are revealing or not... its nothing unnoticeable.. so why should I imagine what she thinks when her brother scolds her when she doesn't get embarrassed of what she is wearing with her brother roaming around the house??
Her Mom has already spoken to her but besides taking it seriously and understanding the situation, she confronted her brother and that already shows how behaya she is, as she finds it no problem wearing such clothes in front of her brother and she yelled back at him.
And yes, because I am a woman, and I would *NEVER *prefer to be scolded by Dad or bro or even husband, I would better know what to where when who is around!!
Queen, your recent post came AFTER Op's update about the situation. Given the girl's response, i doubt that she'd have behaved any better if OP had talked directly with her and that too in a gruff manner. IF the mom had used a calm approach and it led to this much drama....I imagine that a blunt remark from the brother would have been worse.
As for my using the words shameful or sinful....they were to expand on ur use of the word "embarrassing" as I found it vague. Op's post is not embarrassing..his language wasn't crude...he explained the situation as decently as possible. And though going thru the mom did not work....i still think it was better than him snapping dhang k kapre nahi pehn sakti and storming off. I never accused u of not knowing how to dress, nor do u have to prove it to me. I just asked the question to challenge your former suggestion, that's all.
& its not at all embarrassing discussing here with others?? A brother could speak about her sister with others but he can't speak to his own sister directly?? wth??
Its about hayaa...OP is not that frank with his sister that he is able to tell her she's wearing revealing clothes and to cover up. Here, on an anonymous forum where no one knows who he is or who his sister is...its safe to ask. Asking someone like his friend or even another sibling would have been disrespectful. IMO...he's not wrong to want his sister to dress a bit more appropriately. What's wrong with that? Its not as if he asked her to put a burqa on...just wear a dupatta if you plan on wearing see through lawn!
Yes, reha, absolutely. I also mentioned its about hayya, earlier.
As the hadith of our very beloved prophet says: "agar tum main hayya nahi to jo chahay karo"
And hayya is attributed as a momin's jewel.
As young girls, we were always taught to duppatta phelaa kay pehno. Later on it was my own instinct that made me to cover my self properly infront of mehrams.
OP, you mentioned this situation is going on at your house for over a year now. so i am wondering what was her way of dressing before that? i mean does she used to dress appropriately before and has just started dressing this way now? and if its over a year then do you mean she was wearing thin clothes in winters as well? how is that possible. btw there are some very good lawn brands thatdo not have all seen-through lawns in their collection. lawns like junaid jamshed, asim jofa, al-karam all are very "Thandi lawns" and are not transparent. she can perhaps wear those.
