I personally don't think there is anything wrong with being a housewife.... especially after one have kids. Before kids - I don't really see myself being one just out of sheer boredom. All the young housewives I know are pretty bored with their lives and are honest about it. Not for me. But after kids??? Definitely. I think having a parent around is wonderful for a kids upbringing and very important. It is a job that should be taken very seriously and requires dedication that could mean quitting work completely.
I use the word "parent" though instead of mother because a guy can be a "househusband" in my opinion too. It is a rewarding and important job and men should have no problem taking it on. Men are usually the number one supporters of why women should become housewives... so they should understand this better than anyone. The couple should think super reasonably about who is making more money and whose career has more of a potential to lead to bigger and better things. A decision about who stays home should be based on this. It's the year 2010 people.
My parents have Indian family friends where the mom works full time (as a doctor) and her husband is a full time stay at home dad. He was the "freeloader" in this situation! He was a doctor too but due to his wife's speciality - she made almost twice as much as him. When it came time to who will stay at home and raise the kids and look after the house.... it was an easy decision on their end that uncle would stay home while Auntie continued to work and provide for the family. And on Uncle's downtime.... rather than gardening or making his own spices or learning how to sew.... he took on the hobby of the "stock market" and started investing and managing his own portfolios in the comfort of his own home. He had enough time to do all of this and this family got beyond loaded due to their little strategy. Their 2 kiddies are now in college... Auntie is still working full time ..and now Uncle is doing the stock thing full time.... they enjoy the fruits of their labor by taking amazing vacations with their kids, have their retirement all taken care of, as well as all the expenses for their kids education and potential wedding expenses.
It's honestly really really refreshing to see a desi couple take an unconventional route in life and see how well it has worked out for them and how great their kids have turned out. :D
I'm sure our mothers wouldn't have changed anything in their lives but most will tell you that they woke up one day and were like "hey, where's my life gone?"
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and most working moms will tell you about days they wake up with the guilt that comes with trying to find a fair balance btw kids/home and work....useless debate blah blah do what works best for your circumstances instead of trying to figure out who's role is more 'intellectually stimulating' and who made the 'right' choice i.e stop with the judgemental mumbo jumbo
Men take every opportunity they get to be freeloaders. Let's not joke about that. Just look around at your office. How many of those men are on facebook or texting their GF about her sexy panties? shakes head Men don't work if they can help it.
PubjabiRose, if this auntie jee ever becomes single/available, please let me know. I'd be interested in making her acquaintance for the purpose of holy matrimony/adoption. thank you.
and most working moms will tell you about days they wake up with the guilt that comes with trying to find a fair balance btw kids/home and work....useless debate blah blah do what works best for your circumstances instead of trying to figure out who's role is more 'intellectually stimulating' and who made the 'right' choice i.e stop with the judgemental mumbo jumbo
Good job pal. I wasn't talking about working mums was I?
I was saying that these young unmarried girls need to stop deluding themselves about how rewarding and fulfilling it's going to be. You do it out of love and sacrifice.
I'm sick of people not reading posts in this forum.
Nahhhh… thats not fair. Common. I think everyone takes every opportunity to chill out when they get the chance. Women and men both alike are on FB and Gmail .. etc. I worked at so many different offices and this was my own perception. It’s just human nature to take the downtime when you can take it. Regardless of if you are male or female. Guys are not the only ones on FB and texting.
Good job pal. I wasn't talking about working mums was I?
I was saying that these young unmarried girls need to stop deluding themselves about how rewarding and fulfilling it's going to be. You do it out of love and sacrifice.
I'm sick of people not reading posts in this forum.
comprehension problems much? i was responding to the judgemental tone in your post with some of my own and here it is again. whats 'rewarding' and 'fulfilling' for some might be an ultimate sacrifice for others. you cannot question someones motives by calling them delusions, its all relative, to each their own.
I've worked since I was 16, and full time after graduation. Now that I'm having a baby i will take a career break for at least 2 years, or untill my child goes to full time nursery but while I am gonna have that time off i'm already thinking about home study and extra courses i can fit in and hubby can look after the baby one evening a week. I wanna learn italian, expand myself in my career by utilising my time when the baby priorities have been met, BUT my first priority will be my child so hence I DO think it's important to take that time off.
I mean i don't want anyone else bringing my child apart from me and hubs and hell yeah i'm gonna be a 'freeloader' for a few years but thank God my husband doesn't think like that and it's like he's the man who has to provide for us whether i work or not. Ultimately I will go back to work because I don't want to sit at home like a lazy bum while my kid is at school, I mean where's the attraction in that? How much shopping/gym/coffee could I do everyday?
Good girl. I’m probably going to do the same. Or at least move to part-time when I have babies and expect him to take care of the baby part-time as well. Depends on his job, as I don’t believe I’ve met him yet.
Waisey why do you have to even take a couple of years off Just take the 6 weeks maternity and get back to work… I mean really, after 6 weeks, a baby is pretty healthy immunitywise, there are great caretakers out there who could watch your baby while you’re at work
My situation is a bit different but if my children were in school I'd still prefer to stay at home, and learn and do all the house chores I always wanted to do; I'd make gourmet everyday; I'd master all the desi dishes; I'd learn cake decorating; I'd sew curtains, cushion covers and quilts; I'd polish the spoons; I'd do craft and so many other things....
I personally haven't seen many middle class or upper middle class women working 9 to 5 even if their kids are in school etc, for example, my husband's boss's wife doesn't go to work, she does house chores and makes handmade jewellery as a hobby.
Nikkie, because as rewarding and wonderful as careers are, they are not the only thing in life. In America, women have swung the pendulum the other way entirely, and our corporate env't is so cut throat that women feel pressured to keep 110% attention on their jobs and 0% attention on their kids to keep that job. Having a career is great, but the minute it gets in the way of you living a happy life, you need to drop it. It's the only way corporate America will begin being more accomodating to families, and we already see some companies offering better maternity options for women (ex. on-site babysitter service, part-time options, work-from home options, etc). Depends on the business, the career, and how flexible they can be.
So I encourage women to take time off for their families. Not all women have the luxury to do so, and if husband is only making 30,000 dollars, they all have to agree to live like paupers OR she goes to work. Simple. And there are ALOT of people making 30 or less. I was teaching, and after taxes, I had 24 per year. I couldn't even afford an apartment on my own and HAD to live with my parents. So how would a GUY manage if he has to support a family on that income?
Anyway, if you have the luxury to spend time with your kids you should. But once they're in school, I would encourage you take up some hobby or business or work while they're at school, for sure, as oppose to being useless at home. You do nothing fabulous for the world in those 7 hours they're at school.
There aren't different definitions of intellectual stimulation, just some (most) people are quite happy not challenging their brains. It makes them cry.
That statement would describe 90% of Guppies, regardless of gender, marital and work status.
It's okay though, the world needs more people to do the mundane jobs than the intellectual ones.
Actually, the world needs more intellectual people, regardless of their field of employment.
It seems like everyone on this thread is getting worked up into a lather and folks of either view are passing judgments left and right.
For what it's worth: I don't think that becoming a house-spouse (be you male or female) causes your brain to atrophy irrevocably (anymore than joining the workforce does, at least). It's a fallacy to assume that all jobs are intellectually stimulating, just as it's narrow-minded to assume that homemaking is dull and dreary. If two people marry (and assuming it's financially feasible) whether both partners decide to work or one wishes to remain home and be supported by the other (regardless of whether or not they have children), if both partners are okay with it, then the matter is solely between them, no matter what anyone else thinks. Your life is what you make of it, and it's too short to be passing such judgments on others.
I beg to differ. Ever since my schedule has tapered down and now I don't have much to do, I AM getting stupider and stupider.
Our desi women are not the type to keep their minds stimulated with reading and puzzles and scrabble. Have you seen girls who sit at home? They go to the mall every other day, have at least one dawat a week to attend which they spend all week getting hair accessories for, and they spend the reminder watching dramas, and calling their girlfriends to gossip while they stir their salan which honestly takes an hour to make. Woop Dee doo.
Guys have no clue what they're asking for with a stay at home wife. 90% of this stuff you will never know about.
