Sara, no I haven't.
Re: What have u suffered at the hands of ur In laws
B/c if you did, you wouldn't say that anyone deserves such horrible treatment...regardlesss of gender. :)
Re: What have u suffered at the hands of ur In laws
Sara, I did not say regardless of gender, I said overall as a gender. The only reason I say this is when one gets badly treated, instead of taking revenge from the next generation, why not create an environment where this stops propagating down to the next generations.
This is absolutely ridiculous. Almost 99% of the MILs and SILs here seem to be evil. I am sure your mothers and yourself are part of the evil group when looked from the other side. So at the end, just blame yourself. You more or less deserve this treatments as a gender overall.
How can you say these women deserve this kind of treatments. That makes me really angry as i've seen my own mother go through horrible treatment and she DID NOT DESERVE IT! maybe you should read this thread properly and see how much these women have to put up with!
May Allah all grant you paradise as you women have gone through a lot in life! Just keep strong and be patient and always have faith in Allah swt as ALLAH will always show you happiness...Ameen :)
You women are very strong and have put up with so much and i'm very admirable.
Sara, I did not say regardless of gender, I said overall as a gender. The only reason I say this is when one gets badly treated, instead of taking revenge from the next generation, why not create an environment where this stops propagating down to the next generations.
So, women deserve to be treated badly by their inlaws and husbands. They should just suck it up and think about what they did in life to deserve this. Im sure giving birth to a baby girl deserves abusive behavior from inlaws and hubby...lets go and reflect on how we can change that in the future. Right?
When you run into someone who doesnt understand something, I can understand taking the time out to help them. But what does one do with statements like yours where you have no clue? Where does one start? Or does anyone even bother to start?
^^So I have not gone through this thread from the start; I might have misinterpreted the situation. However, you did not try to understand what I was saying as well.
I have almost lost all hope that there will be improvement in such things in the future, because of the way I see females close to me behaving. And they see nothing wrong in torturing others as they believe it is their divine right. This improvement needed to come from the womenfolk but I think it was only a wishful thinking from me.
Re: What have u suffered at the hands of ur In laws
Not all MIL's are bad. there r good ones too. i must say some girls mashallah r really lucky to have good MIL's and after reading ur comments about "us" belonging to the evil group...... then YES WE DO.... getting tortured and beaten by a man just for the sake of being his wife is total sh!t!!!!!
One has to be strong enuff to hold the guys hand and twist it back so hard that he knows where its hurting... which for once i am proud of myself that i have did in defense of him slapping me.
Now of course you can say i belong to the evil group :)
Re: What have u suffered at the hands of ur In laws
if my husband slapped me, i would slap him back, no running away crying in corners and suffering for years.
One has to be strong enuff to hold the guys hand and twist it back so hard that he knows where its hurting... which for once i am proud of myself that i have did in defense of him slapping me.
Korn, now I understand how you have managed to survive your marriage.
Before reading your post, I thought ke aisi baatien sirf dramas main hoti hain. Infact, dramas main bhi sirf "hold the guys hand" wala part hota hai, "twist it back so hard" wala part nahi hota hai. Believe it or not, it sounds really funny to me for something like that to happen in real life. I'm still wondering what would be a guy's reaction to such a thing.
Although I think a woman should not react physically (esp. to her husband), but in your case korn, I think you did the right thing. Sadly, some men do need such a treatment sometimes.
^^So I have not gone through this thread from the start; I might have misinterpreted the situation. However, you did not try to understand what I was saying as well.
I have almost lost all hope that there will be improvement in such things in the future, because of the way I see females close to me behaving. And they see nothing wrong in torturing others as they believe it is their divine right. This improvement needed to come from the womenfolk but I think it was only a wishful thinking from me.
If you bother reading a little bit of this thread, may be you will know what torture really means and who is really being tortured and who is really torturing who. And do I agree there are some bad womenfolk as well, but you shouldn't have said "You more or less deserve this treatments as a gender overall".
Re: What have u suffered at the hands of ur In laws
I hope these evil MILs burn in hot acid
if my husband slapped me, i would slap him back, no running away crying in corners and suffering for years.
Ofcourse "running away crying in corners and suffering for years" is not a solution, but slapping your husband back will make you equally as bad as him.
Re: What have u suffered at the hands of ur In laws
You can’t hit him back, you can’t cry. What to do then? 
If I was in that situation my brothers would most likely beat the crap out of him. Next time someone wouldn’t raise their raise hand again. I also forgot to add I would make his life a living hell. Our women have put up with these people alot. The younger generation needs to sort them out.
I hope these evil MILs burn in hot acid
I would say may Allah forgive them (Ameen), because afterall if they did know what they were doing was evil (or had gone through such treatments themselves) they wouldn't have done it.
You answered your question yourself. Get your brothers and family to deal with him. And most of all, be a good wife, so when your husband is asked about treating you badly, he will have no excuses. You have a tounge, sort it out by politely (and lovingly) asking him afterall what is the reason he treats you like that, what can you do to make him happy. Do whatever you can to please him, make him smile. He has a heart afterall, he may feel something someday. May Allah help us all, (Ameen)
I will tell you all what I think. Its really hard to understand the mentality of such men. But what I think is that they are so much deprived of love themselves, that they don’t want others around them be loved too. They are frustrated with life, with themselves, with those around them, so they express all that by agression and violence. They haven’t tasted the sweet feeling of love. If we learn to love them, they will learn to love us. This is what I think, but some may disagree.
And most importantly, be grateful and thankful to Allah, that He chose you to be a believer in Him, so you know Him and can ask Him for help as much as you want.
I am amazed and really respect and look up to all those brave and sensible women here who have put up so much to live with ease and happiness with such mean husbands and in-laws.
May Allah reward all those women who had put up so much with their mean husbands and in-laws and bless them with happiness, Ameen.
^^So I have not gone through this thread from the start; I might have misinterpreted the situation. However, you did not try to understand what I was saying as well.
I have almost lost all hope that there will be improvement in such things in the future, because of the way I see females close to me behaving. And they see nothing wrong in torturing others as they believe it is their divine right. This improvement needed to come from the womenfolk but I think it was only a wishful thinking from me.
No might, you did.
When I see such harsh and mean statements from people who dont try to understand anyone else...just makes me think of how our men are these days. They want their women to be left at their parents' mercy because they deserve to be treated and tortured. According to you, its a gender-wide problem and we are the source of all evil.
I lose hope concerning men too. I think it would be an absolute miracle if I found a guy that wasnt a mama's boy and didnt think I have to kiss his mother's feet in order to win his affection. I know men who are so pathetic their wives have to cut their fingernails for them! I know men who beat their wives. I know men who have never had a job in their lives...because their women work to support them. I know men who wont let their women work because it will make them too smart. All of this improvement needs to come from the women because the men are bholay bhalay se bachay and so mazloom. Men dont have minds of their owns, a voice, convictions, preferences, responsibilities, etc. Where in Islam does it say men are void of responsibility and that women will take the fall for all mankind?
Seriously, it seems like the improvements should be coming from both sides. Not just women so you dont have to shoulder the responsibilities.
Ofcourse "running away crying in corners and suffering for years" is not a solution, but slapping your husband back will make you equally as bad as him.
No, it doesnt. If you defend yourself, you're not bad at all.
I would say may Allah forgive them (Ameen), because afterall if they did know what they were doing was evil (or had gone through such treatments themselves) they wouldn't have done it.
Its easier said than done. Its SOOOO much easier to say "I would have done such and such"...but no one knows until they go through it. Do you have any idea what it takes to hold your hand and not fight back? Similarly, do you have any idea how much it takes to finally stand up for yourself so you dont get beaten to a pulp one day? Every time you shut up, you encourage mistreatment.
Ive noticed this...my views before marriage and my attitude of "I would have said this or that" are worlds apart from after. WHen you're not there, you're looking at things idealistically. YOu will give a bookish answer and one expected of you. WHen you're there, your human and natural instincts take over and you do what is best for you at the time. YOu have to survive, right? You werent born to get beaten or abused so you have to stand up for yourself. Yes, Allah swt gives us strength but he also lets us defend ourselves.
^^So I have not gone through this thread from the start; I might have misinterpreted the situation. However, you did not try to understand what I was saying as well.
I have almost lost all hope that there will be improvement in such things in the future, because of the way I see females close to me behaving. And they see nothing wrong in torturing others as they believe it is their divine right. This improvement needed to come from the womenfolk but I think it was only a wishful thinking from me.
I think it is time for you to just sink WitchDr.. You are just saying rubbish for the sake of saying something..
well ur right! i used to think after hearing other girls stories kay ye sab dramoun mein he hota hai, BUT NO! IT DOES HAPPEN IN REAL LIFE TOO
and after ur with a guy for over 4 years and he again hits u, aur wo bhi, WITHOUT any reason, coz hes drunk and hes totally out, then u do such thing which i did...
I KNOW IT IS WRONG, us din say pehlay meinay kabhi us per haath nahi uthaya tha, yehi soch kay , kay its not right! magar jis din say i twisted his hand us kay baad say aj tak us nay mujh per haath nahi uthaya!!! :)
n now i think, mujhay ye bohut pehlay ker layna chahiye tha!!!!!!
Re: What have u suffered at the hands of ur In laws
what he drinks too?? Korn, I m sorry but your husband sometimes sound he is not normal, by his actions and aadatien.
yup, thats why I said in your case it was good, now he haven't done something like that again :)
Ladies I do agree & fully support the fact that a wife can raise her hand in self defence.
But I can tell you from my personal experience that Allah just has not made women powerful enough to fight physically with men. It's true and it's the way Allah has made both genders. It's just something Allah has not given to us women. I don't think women can fight back , to me it's impossible. Women just don't have the physical strength and power to fight back men.
I am not saying this to make women look inferior to men. I am saying this from my own experience and it's the truth. So if anyone's hubby is physically abusive on regular basis , think alot about your safety and take the step that is in your best interest.