What does Islam say?

Lifestyle Relationships
81

Re: What does Islam say?

I knew this was coming…the classic wife beater.

I want to know where you’re getting your Pakistani version of Islam from because NOWHERE in the Qur’an does Allah swt allow a man to beat a woman or slap her. Its something men like to believe so they can feel powerful because otherwise…they have no power. However, the thing is…a secure man who is comfortable and confident with himself does NOT need to be powerful, authoritative or beat his wife. That would also mean today’s boys becoming real MEN…which is an ajooba in itself. :cb:

Im positive my father sacrificed a LOT for his family. So did my mom. The difference between guys like you and my father are : he never forced my mother to live with my dadi/dada. He never hit her. He never limited her from doing anything…education, driving, socializing, working, etc. My mother went to school, held a job and has a larger social circle than I do. I dont think you can compare your nanna munna chooza ideas to his real life examples.

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Re: What does Islam say?

enough said

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Re: What does Islam say?

Men are the protectors and maintainers of women because Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other and because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are ** devoutly obedient and guard in (the husband's) absence what Allah would have them guard.** As to those women on whose part ye fear disloyalty and ill-conduct admonish them (first) (next) refuse to share their beds (and last) beat them (lightly); but if they return to obedience seek not against them means (of annoyance): for Allah is Most High Great (above you all).

*Surah 4. An-Nisaa V.34 Yusuf Ali
*

84

Re: What does Islam say?

well quoted, but do you even know the qualities and traits of that man who is allowed to beat his wife (even lightly) in case of ill-conduct. Its not todays sharabi, kababi, juwari, two timings, unfair, unjust, non loving, selfish, sinful man who is allowed to do that. The ayat is addressing real Momins. If you are one and your wife cheats on you, sure go ahead and beat the heck out of her, but only if you are a real momin.

85

Re: What does Islam say?

This what you said

“How would** a man **understand or empathize with a female? How would he get this? He has never been told to suppress his feelings, desires or needs for the greater good of the family”

i thought ‘a man’ means all men…i am glad that you don’t hate your father because he is ‘a man’…

whats with the ‘guys like you’ and ‘nanna munna chooza ideas’?? why your so full of hate??:bummer: i am just having a discussion…why you so quick judge?? These may not necessarily be my personal views… for that matter..some people think i am a girl :phati:

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Re: What does Islam say?

Well if we go by that logic then non-hijabi/ non-mehram free interacting/disobeying/unhelful/grumpy wife also doesn't deserve respect too......meaning that rules of quran only apply to true momin...and unless one is true momin he need not follow the rules?

Beating heck out of her is not allowed no matter how momin a person is.........

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Re: What does Islam say?

For anyone wishing to add to the pearls already spilled here, visit the following first…

http://www.paklinks.com/gs/life-and-relationships/463088-the-rally-to-restore-sanity.html

88

Re: What does Islam say?

You're not allowed to cause the skin to bleed or break so dunno why the word 'beat' keeps being used as it's so misleading.. It's meant to be like a tap with a miswak (or something similar), more symbolic than anything else..

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Re: What does Islam say?

Lol I agree…

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Re: What does Islam say?

Like I said…my father and in general most fathers from his generation are worlds different from what you see today. You cannot compare the two.

Im not full of hate at all…I dislike the notion of using a woman to be a slave to a man’s parents especially if he himself too LAZY to do it himself. Men seem to think they’re respecting their parents by bringing in a bahu that will do it all for them…its all rubbish and actually disrespect because he apparently cannot be bothered to care for the same parents that fed. nursed, clothed and made him the man he is today. Its so ungrateful of men to dump their parents on someone else. What if they had done that to him when he was a baby? Left him with someone else to care for him while they enjoyed life, traveled, shopped, etc instead of staying awake all night to care for a crying baby. “Here, have my wife to do your bidding because Im too busy and too important to worry about your doctor’s visits, medicine and health…I have much better things to do with my time”.

:k:

Nomi, why dont you look a little deeper and tell us how exactly a man is to beat his wife? Using what?

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Re: What does Islam say?

now you are asking my personal opinion??

hmm here it is...

i don't believe someone (whose acts are so bad that beating is warranted) would have any effect of beating....such a person is not worthy of my response anyways.....so i will just let them go their way into the abyss.

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Re: What does Islam say?

Uff…thats not what I meant…:smack:

93

Re: What does Islam say?

well ... thats the deepest i could go :@:

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Re: What does Islam say?

The essense of my position remains. There is no ruling on where the woman lives. Separate or with in-laws.

There is no such thing as women are not considered human being or their insaaniat is being questioned anywhere if she is living with in-laws.

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Re: What does Islam say?

whoa whoa whoaaaaaaa

why are we bashing people here? can't we just have a peaceful debate without saying stuff like "pray that you never have a daughter." that's unecessary and the worst form of debating.

come on now. we're grown ups.

96

The essence of your position needs some substance other than your post - which it does not possess. So, the ruling on where a woman lives is actually leaning more towards wherever the heck she wants because again…she is a human being. Not bheR bakri.

It was not the woman’s insaniyat that was being questioned in posts…it was a man’s. :smack:

The fact is men do not respect their own parents and that is why they cannot expect their wives to.

When women speak of wanting to care for their parents…their primary concern is they themselves being able to help their parents. Finding a man willing to deal with even that much is a big deal apparently…lol. I don’t know any woman who has ever demanded her husband live with her parents and take care of them. You know why? Because they have apni zimmidari ka ehsaas. They realize how much they need to take care of their own parents and want to be there for them in their old age.

But the men I see posting here are not interested in becoming apne maan baap ka sahara…they want someone ELSE to do it all so they do not have to.

Mashallah.

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Re: What does Islam say?

Would you care to bring any reference where it is said anywhere a woman has God given ‘right’ to live separate? Bring it on.
No religion of book says that. It is a cultural issue.

The question by OP has been answered repeatedly: There is nothing in Islam or any religion which says how a couple should live. Period.

I only translated the word woman being considered as ‘human being’ to insaaniat, not what you wrote in your last sentence. :slight_smile:

Rest of your post is again emotional gesture.

Men in general do not look for their wives to look after their parents. Neither men’s parents look forward to have a bahu for their comfort. That may be some specific example.

All along I have been emphasizing on general attitude.

Which is give love to get love.

Don’t be hostile to his parents from day one..or rather from day minus the marriage date. (Even before marriage).

Go with open mind in to marriage at his house.

Don’t think MIL is evil witch with a broom.

Respect elders.

Try to mix with people.

What is wrong with that?

What goes atound comes around. Someday these so called liberated women will be MIL. Their claim of nurturing their sons to be what they want to be may not work if the boys see mothers being so selfish or disrespectful to elders.

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Re: What does Islam say?

It’s an Islamic obligation for the man to provide his new wife with the the absolute bare minimum of a bedroom with a lock on the door, her on bathroom and cooking area and if he is able to afford it their own home (tho she can forfeit this right if she chooses), **can the men on here stop pretending otherwise:

EVERY single reputable Islamic site out there is saying it is NOT recommended - and then it becomes haram if there is a BIL or other non-mehrams living there (‘the Brother in Law is DEATH’ in Islam)****
**
Marriage and islamic teachings about living with in-laws

Answered by Ustadha Zaynab Ansari, SunniPath Academy Teacher

Question:

**I have received a marriage proposal from an excellent practicing and knowledgable muslim brother, Alhamdullillah. The only hinderance in making any decision is that he and his family (including his younger brother) want to live together in one house, meaning everyone living on the same floor, sharing one bathroom and so forth. **This is going to be a very difficult situation for me regarding privacy and parda. i will have to be in hijab and proper outfit while performing house chores around the house. This brother agreed earlier that they understand this situation and are planning to move into a different house where this won’t be a problem (maybe make separate portions).
**
However, now this brother and his family have changed their plan and have decided to live the way they are living now (everybody living together and i will only have a bedroom) and will live the same way anywhere they move. I would like to know what is the Islamic teaching on this. **The brother is really nice and religious , mashallah but living together is the only problem that is hindering me from making any decision.

Answer:

In the Name of Allah, the Gracious, the Merciful.
Dear Sister,

I apologize for taking so long to reply.

Choosing a spouse is one of the most important decisions you’ll ever make. Looking for someone with good religion and character is foremost. However, this is not the only consideration. Women should also look for men with stable and lawful incomes, and the ability to support them adequately.

Please see Ustadha Hedaya Hartford’s Islamic Marriageat almuhajabat.com for more details on choosing a spouse.
**
At the very least, a man has to provide his wife with her own separate apartment, even if it’s within the confines of his family’s home. The wife should have her own living area, bedroom, bathroom, and kitchen.
**
Please think long and hard before you put yourself in a situation where you have no privacy. You deserve your own space. This is not a luxury, but a religious obligation upon your husband.
Please think long and hard before you put yourself in a situation where you have no privacy. You deserve your own space. This is not a luxury, **but a religious obligation upon your husband.

Please see this related answer: A Wife’s Right to Housing Separate From Her In-Laws and Others: http://qa.sunnipath.com/issue_view.asp?HD=1&ID=273&CATE=87****](http://qa.sunnipath.com/issue_view.asp?HD=1&ID=273&CATE=87)**
And Allah knows best.

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Re: What does Islam say?

^ Proposal from a Muslim brother! :S nice!

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Re: What does Islam say?

Most of us girls on here don't want to put our sons on such a pedestal whilst bringing them up that they can't/won't stand on their own two feet and *spend their whole lives living out of one bedroom in our homes with their future wives (and kids).. *

I can't think of much worse than that level of 'mutual dependence' which means a mother can't function without her son around or vice versa. Most of us on here have had a decent education and most will also work, at least for a while, before we marry and have children so we prob won't be in the same position that a lot of our mothers, grandmothers, great grand mothers etc were in.. being taught growing up that they'd be helpless without being 'looked after' (financially and emotionally) by their husbands or sons..

If it's 'selfish' or 'disrespectful' to live away from inlaws that must mean 90% of the Muslim Ummah are those things (basically everyone apart from us desis lol)..