There may be some backlash following my comments but these are my views. I don't understand why stay at home moms/women/home makers feel the need to be constantly applauded and appreciated for what they do? We all have jobs, some have them outside the house and some have them inside the home. If you think about it, stay at home women DO have it easier- they can get up when they want, rest when they want and essentially DO what they want whereas in a work environment you follow your work's rules. How many women applaud their husbands for going to work everyday? Why would you then expect to be applauded for carrying out your role? It doesn't make sense. You choose to stay at home so that means you choose to carry out the duties associated with that but don't expect to be treated like you change the world everyday by cooking, cleaning and ironing (not saying that women who have careers change the world but just in general).
This is most likely coming from someone who isn't a SAHM.
I think working moms and stay at home moms deserve a lot of credit!
@bold - NO we do NOT have it easier! NO we do not get to wake up when ever we want. We get up when our husbands get up, shortly followed by our kids. And depending on their ages we change diapers, take them to the loo, change their clothes, make them breakfast, feed them, put up with tantrums, clean messes, cook, clean and IF we get some time we can maybe take a shower (but gotta rush it cos the kids will get up any minute). I don't remember the last time I ate a hot meal or when I had breakfast first thing in the morning!!! We put our kids and family first and us second. We take our kids on outings, teach them new words, teach them how to read. And then our husbands get home and we are expected to put on a happy face and serve them dinner and feed the kids and put up with more tantrums. And don't get me started on when a child falls sick!!!!!
Did I do anything I wanted to do all day? Happens very rarely. We NEVER get a break so don't tell me that WE have it easier.
And on top of everything we hear "oh tumne kaunsa teer mara hai, you're ONLY a stay at home mom!!!!" Give it a rest already and tell us about it when you're a mom!
This. I don’t know why everyone is getting so worked up.
It’s incredibly rare that in-laws actually appreciate what their daughter in laws do in terms of ‘going the extra mile’. You (the wife) could even be the breadwinner, have all the financial burden on you, also take care of the house/cooking, provide emotional support etc and it will still be seen as just doing your duty rather than getting any praise for being a good wife. Who really cares? As long as you are satisfied with what you are doing and your husband appreciates you for what you do.
When you husband buys you a gift, does he do it to make you happy or to get that praise from other people? Same goes for you if you spend all day preparing an amazing meal.
I dunno why mz princess keeps saying that men don't get thankyou's for working and earning money. She keeps saying it in every other post and it irritated me to the extent that I had to say something.
I thank my husband every now and then for working so hard . The man deserves some credit for what he does.
I can only imagine how he would feel if I told him that he doesn't do me any favours by working and thats what he's SUPPOSED to be doing.
We should acknowledge what the other person is doing for us and thank them every now and then because we all deserve some gratitude and thank you's.
If my husband thanks me for doing something for him it makes my day. It really does.
Reha: you dont always need to take a stand and argue for the sake of arguing. Everyone has a right to hold an opinion whatever it may be. It is your discretion to agree or not, but bashing someone for not holding the same view as you is a bit below the belt and not upto the standard i personally feel you belong too.
P.S I really admire your flame and joie de vivre and it makes my day reading your posts. Also many congrats on getting married and i pray for the continuation of your happy union
Thank you for the kind words and wishes...
I am not bashing her...stating my opinion isn't bashing...I am not attacking her or insulting her.
Its not as cut and dry...just like I don't know what it feels like to be pregnant...people don't know what it feels like to raise a kid until you go through it.
I can't imagine telling an uncomfortable pregnant woman that she's exaggerating, complaining, asking for attention and making a big deal out of nothing. How can people say that? How can it even be assumed that every woman has the same pregnancy, marriage, home life, etc? You cannot.
My point is........women who stay home have to fight this "what do you do at home? watch dramas all day? why do you need to be recognized...this is your job"........all the time. And I think its unfair to think one doesn't deserve to be appreciated.
In your work environment, you get appreciated all the time if you do your job well. As a manager/supervisor/director you're told to encourage, support and nurture development and growth in your team members. So why does this formula not apply to a SAHM...because as I said...her efforts are not seen or spent in the form of direct deposit.
I dunno why mz princess keeps saying that men don't get thankyou's for working and earning money. She keeps saying it in every other post and it irritated me to the extent that I had to say something.
I thank my husband every now and then for working so hard . The man deserves some credit for what he does.
I can only imagine how he would feel if I told him that he doesn't do me any favours by working and thats what he's SUPPOSED to be doing.
We should acknowledge what the other person is doing for us and thank them every now and then because we all deserve some gratitude and thank you's.
If my husband thanks me for doing something for him it makes my day. It really does.
Agree with tranquil.
Mz princess turned this into a SAHM vs I dont know what debate. OP did not ask for anyone's experience with the SAHW around them or how or if these women complain for being recognized for their work.
OP, though I am working and my in-laws have never said in my face how my husband goes the extra mile; because we are both doing the same thing, working and taking care of house chores.
But my husband does praise me in front of his family for anything extra or special that I do.
It could be a small thing as cooking something special (I hardly cook anything special and am not a good cook) or doing something special for the kids or house. That is what makes my in laws see that I am going an extra mile.
PS: My in laws do not live with me and are in Pakistan.
I am not too fond of this showing off by him but I guess it helps my case in front of the inlaws.
Do your in laws say how you are so lucky in front of your husband ? If they do, does your husband say anything in response ?
I personally really dont care if someone thinks I am lucky because I have a good husband and not vice versa. I do what I do for myself, husband and kids. As long as my husband sees the value in whatever I am doing and acknowledges it, I am good with it and he does !!
You know what’s impressive. When you’re kinda trippin on some exotic flower, while a trained ninja is trying to duel you. You manage to fake him out by cutting the sleeves of a few of his cohorts (that are watching the duel) in the same spot you have been cut. He then mistakes you for one of them, and you gain the advantage and win the duel. Now that’s impressive right?
Agree with tranquil.
Mz princess turned this into a SAHM vs I dont know what debate. OP did not ask for anyone's experience with the SAHW around them or how or if these women complain for being recognized for their work.
But mzprincess DID answer the OP's question, here
Well lady I can tell you that probably nothing is going to get you an ooh and an aaah for being a SAM because the fact of the matter is that's your role.
and gave her reasoning for the answer that she gave. Her subsequent posts have simply been an explanation of her view. Just because many people disagreed with her view, it doesn't mean she didn't answer the question at hand. With all due respect, just because a poster doesn't answer a question in the manner that you'd like or gives an answer which you don't like, it doesn't mean that they didn't answer the question.
As far as this
OP did not ask for anyone's experience with the SAHW around them.
The OP asked a question and unless she was specifically asking for statistics or scholarly research on the matter, it should be expected that people are going to give their views and support those views with examples from their everyday lives and personal experience.
Major difference between a housewife and a SAHM. While I salute SAHMs, I have no sympathy for the housewives unless they have cruel inlaws who are equivalent to having battameez grown kids.
OP, as long as your husband appreciates what ever you do for him,all is good.
you actually are doing it for him and not for your in-laws. why would they appreciate and applaud you for things that you are doing for your husband, your home and for your relationship??
do you appreciate your MIL for things she must have done and must still be doing for her family, her children, your children etc? if you do the n i can understand the need to be reciprocated by her in the same way but if you also don't appreciate her for these things then don't complain.
But mzprincess DID answer the OP's question, here
and gave her reasoning for the answer that she gave. Her subsequent posts have simply been an explanation of her view. Just because many people disagreed with her view, it doesn't mean she didn't answer the question at hand. With all due respect, just because a poster doesn't answer a question in the manner that you'd like or gives an answer which you don't like, it doesn't mean that they didn't answer the question.
As far as this
The OP asked a question and unless she was specifically asking for statics or scholarly research on the matter, it should be expected that people are going to give their views and support those views with examples from their everyday lives and personal experience.
Thank you Mezghan, that's exactly right. Unfortunately though people don't like hearing what is not in conjunction with what they think.
and gave her reasoning for the answer that she gave. Her subsequent posts have simply been an explanation of her view. Just because many people disagreed with her view, it doesn't mean she didn't answer the question at hand. With all due respect, just because a poster doesn't answer a question in the manner that you'd like or gives an answer which you don't like, it doesn't mean that they didn't answer the question.
As far as this
The OP asked a question and unless she was specifically asking for statistics or scholarly research on the matter, it should be expected that people are going to give their views and support those views with examples from their everyday lives and personal experience.
Referring the original post, seems to me Op understands the role of a housewife.
quote
"In a husband-wife relationship where traditional roles are being fulfilled ..... "
she knows she is responsible for meals, house, kids and all.
Then she asked,
quote
"What I want to know is in this traditional sense of a family, what things could the WIFE do which would count as going out of her way?"
She also said that for her husband, when he does anything outside of his work it is recognized as impressive, so clearly she is asking what to do other than her regular duties to get that oh the husband is so lucky.
the answer that you are referring to "nothing is going to get ooh and aah for** being a** SAHW"
question is not to get applause for being SAHW but what to do extra or how to go out of the way !!!
Though I must admit that all the other posters who replied to princess by stating what SAHM do or are supposed to do is in itself impressive,
also helped turning the thread into a debate.
She also said that for her husband, when he does anything outside of his work it is recognized as impressive, so clearly she is asking what to do other than her regular duties to get that oh the husband is so lucky.
the answer that you are referring to "nothing is going to get ooh and aah for** being a** SAHW"
question is not to get applause for being SAHW but what to do extra or how to go out of the way !!!
^At this point, it seems to be a question of semantics to be quite honest. After all, why does the OP want to go out of her way or do something extra? Because she wants it to be viewed as impressive and get that "oh your husband is so lucky" comment, which is, in essence, getting "ooh and aah" for what she does. Personally, I don't think there is anything wrong with that but let's not make it come across as more complicated than it really is.
Also, what mzprincess and the other posters were trying to be point out is that the reason her husband gets applause for doing things outside of his job is for that very reason: it is *outside *of his job and separate from his job duties. In the case of housewives, there is nothing (home related) which they can do that is considered impressive because all tasks related to the home and the running of the home are viewed as part of their job. Hence, nothing they do which is related to the home will get "ooh and ahh" because it is not viewed as something extra but rather, as something they should be doing anyway. What the posters were implying is that if a housewife would like to receive the same "applause" as her husband for doing a bit "extra," that "extra" must be something that is not related to the home and the running of the home.
What a shame if what wives do isn't impressive! Funny thing is that these views are coming from women on the forum and not men.
Everyone likes to be appreciated once in a while. It is human nature. Ever heard people complaining that they don't/never get any appreciation at work?
Whenever we have a reunion with my tayas and phuphos, they mention the Chinese food my mom made for them some 25 years back on their trip to Pakistan/sahiwal. My mom feels good that her inlaws appreciate her thoughtfulness and the effort she made to make their stay comfortable.
When I was visiting Pakistan last year, my husband's nieces showed me all the bands/clips/hair accessories I mail them from states. My MIL further mentioned, they wear them on special events. It was a good feeling that my little gesture was appreciated.
^ Personally, I think that many stay-at-home moms do a great job and deserve much respect for what they do. However, I don't think it is correct to assume that people do not appreciate them simply because they don't blatantly say so or praise them on a regular basis.
Try going to work on monday morning after 16 hours of flight from karachi to ny and then 8 hours drive from ny to home just because u cant take a extra day off and u HAVEc to go to work. Try entering in home after long day of work leaving work related problems and stress outside the door. Sound pretty easy to me. Have been doing that for 12 years and will inshallah do it for 25 motre years.
And now to 2nd part of ur question what can wife do to go extra mile? If she can somehow manage NOT to say what u just said (and i just quoted) that would be whole extra mile and few yards…if u wana go one more extra mile, stop thinking of yourself as a victim (unless u really are) because sooner or later these thoughts will start growing roots and will start effecting ur relatuionship.
