What are your thoughts on polygamous marriage/being a co-wife?

[PyariCgudia]

Re: What are your thoughts on polygamous marriage/being a co-wife?

And we can only assume that Ali (R) and Fatima (R) did have conversations about this, just because it’s not mentioned in the hadith doesn’t mean the two didn’t talk about it. It would be inconceivable to imagine they didn’t talk about Abu Jahl’s daughter’s proposal. The fact he withdrew from the proposal was BASED ON the fact that Fatima (R) was unhappy with the arrangement. Therefore, if your wife is unhappy with you taking a second wife, it is SUNNAH for you to withdraw the proposal and stick to your first wife.

[Southie]

Re: What are your thoughts on polygamous marriage/being a co-wife?

The bottom line is a moving target nowadays.

[PyariCgudia]

Re: What are your thoughts on polygamous marriage/being a co-wife?

@cherryontop

You are completely misreading this Hadith. The Prophet acted as a father would. He saw his daughter was distraught that her husband was going to get another wife so he told Hazrat Ali not to do it. **Tell me one thing. If consent was required, there was no issue! Hazrat Fatima would simply say no you may not marry again and that would be the end of the story. But because consent is not required, she was upset and the Prophet stepped in to tell Hazrat Ali not to proceed with the second marriage. **

Also you don’t need grounds for Khula/divorce so your argument doesn’t make sense there either. You only need your husband’s consent for Khula or you can always get a divorce if you have availed yourself of that right in your Nikah contract.

And lastly you make it seem as if a man wanting to be physically intimate with another woman is never a legitimate reason to get married again. It can be and again it’s perfectly fine as long as he treats all his wives equally. Keep in mind being equal and fair doesn’t mean loving them equally. A man can be more fond of one wife over the other and again there is nothing wrong with that as long as he treats them equally.

You are trying too hard to make sense of this using circular logic. Islam is a very straightforward religion. It is what it is.

So you’re basically saying Fatima (R) had to go to her father to circumvent Islamic LAW or in other words, ALLAH’S LAW? So Rasullullah in this case repealed a LAW that Allah has created in your opinion?

[PyariCgudia]

Re: What are your thoughts on polygamous marriage/being a co-wife?

@cherryontop

Huh what?! What are YOU smoking?? Islam does not require a wife’s consent for a second marriage. I stated it is unfair that the first wife has no say if her husband decides to take on a second wife.** She can either leave him or accept his second marriage.** She does not have a choice to continue her life as is and that to me seems unfair. But again as TLK’s posts have shown, there is a lot of historical context behind this verse. However the bottom line remains…a man does not need his wife’s permission to marry again.

Well, then the Prophet’s Sunnah is just BS I guess, because for his own daughter, she did not leave her husband, nor did she accept the marriage against her feelings. They convinced her husband to drop the proposal. Which the girl and her family has a right to do. Therefore, a girl’s consent is definitely a factor.

Otherwise, Ali (R) would have been completely right in marrying Abu Jahl’s daughter and would have told RAsullullah “sorry, you’re wrong on this, I am just following what Allah wants, and what future cherryontop and TLK think are right” :k:

[Balthier]

Re: What are your thoughts on polygamous marriage/being a co-wife?

And the ground realities for women in polygamous relationships in Pakistan remain, she has to choose between the lesser of two evils. Either go through divorce and the social stigma (and life in uncertainty) that follows, or forcefully “consent” to being part of a polygamous relationship.

I think it would be more productive for us Pakistanis, especially those of us who are fortunate enough to be educated and better off financially than the common Pakistani, to concentrate on the plight of women in Pakistan, rather than what did or did not occur in 7th century Arabia. So we can help improve the social conditions for women in Pakistan.

My 2 cents in any case.

[PeshawarKameez]

Re: What are your thoughts on polygamous marriage/being a co-wife?

@Balthier

In Pakistan, given the strong social stigma a divorce carries for a woman, she pretty much has two choices,

1. Become the doormat at her husband’s house, but still retain some form of social dignity.
2. Become the doormat at her parents/brother’s house, and carry the social stigma of being a divorcee. And not know whether she will ever be able to remarry, and if she does remarry, who knows what kind of proposal she’ll have to accept (perhaps of a widower with 3 to 4 children, where she is pretty much rendered a maid).

thats sad, i hate damn social stigmas

[PeshawarKameez]

Re: What are your thoughts on polygamous marriage/being a co-wife?

@TLK

Thanks for explaining your name.

Sincerely,
Karachipajama

LOL

[Guppshupper]

Re: What are your thoughts on polygamous marriage/being a co-wife?

‘those against second marriage’ i was referring to those who are against this concept generally- not the 1st wife in a specific case.

because such people opt for ‘live and let live’ , ‘to each their own’, ‘not judging’ line of justifications for fornicators out of wedlock.

[SindSagar]

Re: What are your thoughts on polygamous marriage/being a co-wife?

@Gujranwalay

you can make it illegal in the west, maybe.

Better consult God/Quran before you grant wives a option for “2nd husband”. Let us know how it goes.

Even in the USA now they have stopped prosecuting polygamous marriages amoung the Mormon communities where actually the first wife brings other wives into the marriage and they all raise the children collectively!

to each his own…mian or beweean razi to kia karey ga Qazi !

[SindSagar]

Re: What are your thoughts on polygamous marriage/being a co-wife?

@PeshawarKameez

I’m sure most men would think ‘its great’ but I need more in depth answers. Girls - would you do it? Why or why not? Men - if you had the chance to take a 2nd wife would you? For what reasons?
Do you think it would work? What are your thoughts on people who are in polygamous marriages? Who are the candidates who should approach such a marriage? Is it that common amongst pakistanis?

Ooh and how about parents - have any of your fathers taken a 2nd wife, what would your reaction be to it if they did?!

Interested to hear your views.

If we examine Islamic History take for example the Patriach of all three major monotheistic religions of the World is Ibrahim ES, he took second wife out of necessity and his first wife Sarah did encourage him to do so, but after Sarah was blessed with her own son she became jealous because Bibi Hajara’s Son was the eldest son so he would inherit his fathers wealth! so I think Sarah’s jealousy may have played a major role in having Bibi Hajara and Hazrat Ismail sent away into the wilderness of Hejaz.

In other words the second marraige if it had not happened we Muslims would not be going to Mecca for Haj and doing all the rituals! Wallah Alam!

[BigdaNawab]

Re: What are your thoughts on polygamous marriage/being a co-wife?

Everyone thinks they ought to be richer, and every one wishes other to be richer, but shouldnt everyone deserve to have a life partner?

[PyariCgudia]

Re: What are your thoughts on polygamous marriage/being a co-wife?

@Balthier

And the ground realities for women in polygamous relationships in Pakistan remain, she has to choose between the lesser of two evils. Either go through divorce and the social stigma (and life in uncertainty) that follows, or forcefully “consent” to being part of a polygamous relationship.

I think it would be more productive for us Pakistanis, especially those of us who are fortunate enough to be educated and better off financially than the common Pakistani, to concentrate on the plight of women in Pakistan, rather than what did or did not occur in 7th century Arabia. So we can help improve the social conditions for women in Pakistan.

My 2 cents in any case.

I agree.

Part of that is teaching the actual utility of polygamy and understanding it from an Islamic viewpoint. Once you understand it, you realize that it’s a very dicey topic and better to stay away from it. Most muslim guys who have a good understanding of it, and their faith, they don’t go for polygamy. They prefer to stay monogamous, because they take the verses in the Quran very seriously. Monogamy IS better for you.

[PyariCgudia]

Re: What are your thoughts on polygamous marriage/being a co-wife?

I argue that people practicing it in Pakistan are doing it out of lust and status. All the wrong reasons. And once you understand that aspect of things, you realize it’s not worth it. If one were to go into it with pure Islamic intent, you’d probably NOT be abusing your wives and treating them unequally. And you’d probably respect that you engaged in polygamy with FULL consent and appreciation of your wives.

The fact that we don’t see this happening in Pakistan is proof that they don’t understand polygamy and the Islamic perspective on it, let alone Islam itself. Most of these people haven’t even read the Quran, so why are we using them as a barometer for the religion??

[strangeworld]

Re: What are your thoughts on polygamous marriage/being a co-wife?

@Theorist

Exactly! Why should any self-respecting and independent woman be okay with this arrangement?

Because it’s allowed in Islam and if he’s being fair about everything you got a choice to leave and keep your self respect and independence.

[Theorist]

Re: What are your thoughts on polygamous marriage/being a co-wife?

@strangeworld

Because it’s allowed in Islam and if he’s being fair about everything you got a choice to leave and keep your self respect and independence.

Way ahead of you… I don’t believe in anything that allows blatant descrimination. So no religion for me.

So if I decide to get another husband today and tell my first husband that I will treat both of them equally good, should he be okay and does it make everything alright? No. Does leaving restore his self respect?

[WendyDarling]

Re: What are your thoughts on polygamous marriage/being a co-wife?

I would never be ok with it. My husband is only mine! No sharing!

[strangeworld]

Re: What are your thoughts on polygamous marriage/being a co-wife?

@Theorist

Way ahead of you… I don’t believe in anything that allows blatant descrimination. So no religion for me.

So if I decide to get another husband today and tell my first husband that I will treat both of them equally good, should he be okay and does it make everything alright? No. Does leaving restore his self respect?

If you don’t believe in religion that’s your problem and may Allah guide and show you the right path.

I can prove it right even according to science. You’d be surprised to know that if a man on any given time is sleeping with more than one women he doesn’t carry or transfer any sexual diseases to all of those women or himself for that matter.

But if a woman is having more than one sexual partners at any given time medical science has proved that more likely those sexual relationships will generate sexual diseases in either the men or the women or both.

Which means what Allah has allowed even makes sense on the scientific grounds, that’s the beauty of Islam. And as far as you are concerned since you don’t believe in religion it’s sort of pointless to argue with you over this.

[Paheli00]

Re: What are your thoughts on polygamous marriage/being a co-wife?

@strangeworld

I can prove it right even according to science. You’d be surprised to know that if a man on any given time is sleeping with more than one women he doesn’t carry or transfer any sexual diseases to all of those women or himself for that matter.

But if a woman is having more than one sexual partners at any given time medical science has proved that more likely those sexual relationships will generate sexual diseases in either the men or the women or both.

Can you please post references for this finding? I would love to read exactly how medical science conclusively proved this.

[strangeworld]

Re: What are your thoughts on polygamous marriage/being a co-wife?

@Paheli00

Can you please post references for this finding? I would love to read exactly how medical science conclusively proved this.

I heard this a while ago in a lecture from a very authentic Islamic scholar who was is a medical doctor as well. I don’t remember the source but I googled for just like 5 minutes and I found out a reference for you and I’m quoting.

“Moreover it is medically proven now that one of the major causes of the serious diseases which have become widespread, such as AIDS etc., is women having intercourse with more than one man, and the mixing of seminal fluids in the woman’s womb causes these lethal diseases. Hence Allah has prescribed a waiting period (‘iddah) for a woman who has been divorced or whose husband has died, until enough time has passed for her womb and passages to be cleansed of any traces of her former husband, and the monthly period also has a role to play in this matter.”

And here is the source POLYGAMY

If you find hard trusting this source you can google for yourself and I hope you’ll find plenty others as well.

Hope that answers your questions now.

[Paheli00]

Re: What are your thoughts on polygamous marriage/being a co-wife?

@strangeworld

I heard this a while ago in a lecture from a very authentic Islamic scholar who was is a medical doctor as well. I don’t remember the source but I googled for just like 5 minutes and I found out a reference for you and I’m quoting.

“Moreover it is medically proven now that one of the major causes of the serious diseases which have become widespread, such as AIDS etc., is women having intercourse with more than one man, and the mixing of seminal fluids in the woman’s womb causes these lethal diseases. Hence Allah has prescribed a waiting period (‘iddah) for a woman who has been divorced or whose husband has died, until enough time has passed for her womb and passages to be cleansed of any traces of her former husband, and the monthly period also has a role to play in this matter.”

And here is the source POLYGAMY

If you find hard trusting this source you can google for yourself and I hope you’ll find plenty others as well.

Hope that answers your questions now.

Yes, this does answer my question. If a Islamic scholar who has a medical degree says something, you believe it blindly. And the link you posted also did not bother to post any references for his claims on this. I don’t feel the need to Google anything b/c I’m not saying the my views here are proven by medical science. You made that claim, I asked for reference, and if this is the best reference you can find to justify YOUR views…then we’ll just leave it at that.

Thanks for posting it.