Re: What age is appropriate for dating?
Njgal 
Re: What age is appropriate for dating?
so you have the same reason, interesting 
Re: What age is appropriate for dating?
Legally 16.
Re: What age is appropriate for dating?
our reasoning behind it is a bit different because you as a man you are thinking “I don’t want my gals to date because I know what the other guy are really thinking and after”
as a woman - I don’t get that. I hope the rules for my boys and girls are not completely different. It’s a bit complicated to explain but if you found that your kid went on a date - it’s not the end of the world. I hope this generation realizes that - that it a part of growing up and we should not be judgmental overly emotional parents especially because we were exposed to more of the world than the generation before ours.
Re: What age is appropriate for dating?
^ couldn't agree more!
Re: What age is appropriate for dating?
There is no space in Islam for dating, hence hubby and i would never allow it. That doesn't mean they have no say in choosing their life partners. If they are interested in marrying someone/ we find someone, they can tell us about it and we would organise supervised meetings with them, as many as they want till they come to a decision. I supervised my younger sister's meetings with her honey-waaley, they chatted on one side of the room while we were on the other.
All we can do as parents is to teach our kids whats Islamically right vs wrong and leave the rest to Allah. He has entrusted the raising of a Muslim upon us and we will be questioned about our efforts. I really pray i succeed iA.
Re: What age is appropriate for dating?
They'll definitely date - I did. 97% sure but it would be behind our back.
But wouldn't that be worse?
I would rather know what my kids get upto, no matter how bad, than be in the dark about it..
Also, the thought of my daughter or son going to their bf/gfs parents houses for dinner without me knowing and perhaps confiding/trusting them with things they feel they couldn't tell me would make me feel absolutely awful.. I know of lots of girls (inc family members) who have to go to a certain auntie (or their bf's mum!) because they feel closer to them than their own mothers when it comes to personal problems and issues..
Re: What age is appropriate for dating?
But wouldn't that be worse?
I would rather know what my kids get upto, no matter how bad, than be in the dark about it..
Also, the thought of my daughter or son going to their bf/gfs parents houses for dinner without me knowing and perhaps confiding/trusting them with things they feel they couldn't tell me would make me feel absolutely awful.. I know of lots of girls (inc family members) who have to go to a certain auntie (or their bf's mum!) because they feel closer to them than their own mothers when it comes to personal problems and issues..
Deeba - It would depend on how mature they are and how old they are. I am going to go with the no dating policy for now. I don't want to send them mixed messages at such a young age. It's one thing to date in your 20s versus at 13 or 16 or to pursue someone for a serious relationship rather than casual dating.
I advocate that they tell me what going on in their life and at 6 and 4 they do :) but I don't know how much our relationship is going to change in the future and how much they information they are going to share.
I know many parents don't agree with me on this but I don't want to be my child's confidant or friend about everything. I want to be their parent. I don't want those lines blurred.
I for one am okay if she goes to her khala, her cousins or someone else that she feels closer to. I don't need to be the only role model in her life.
Re: What age is appropriate for dating?
Ok, sorry I see what u mean..
I wouldn't be ok with my kids dating at a young age either, obviously it would be dependent on age and maturity and the person they were seeing (tho tbh I would prob just bite my tongue and keep quiet whilst keeping an eye on them rather than try and put a stop to it unless there was some major problem with him/her)..
I know many parents don't agree with me on this but I don't want to be my child's confidant or friend about everything. I want to be their parent. I don't want those lines blurred.
Fair enough..
Re: What age is appropriate for dating?
Deeba - It would depend on how mature they are and how old they are. I am going to go with the no dating policy for now. I don't want to send them mixed messages at such a young age. It's one thing to date in your 20s versus at 13 or 16 or to pursue someone for a serious relationship rather than casual dating.
I advocate that they tell me what going on in their life and at 6 and 4 they do :) but I don't know how much our relationship is going to change in the future and how much they information they are going to share.
I know many parents don't agree with me on this but I don't want to be my child's confidant or friend about everything. I want to be their parent. I don't want those lines blurred.
I for one am okay if she goes to her khala, her cousins or someone else that she feels closer to. I don't need to be the only role model in her life.
im pretty sure i've heard some celeb say "i dont want to be their friend, i want to be their parent" on the letterman show : P
Re: What age is appropriate for dating?
I think being able to have trust and friendship is good, but you have to make sure you are not afraid to discipline or be the bad guy. The parents I know that struggle the most are the ones who have this issue.
Re: What age is appropriate for dating?
^I think there can be a fine line and we all know of kids who have prob turned out worse due to their parents being too strict as well as others who struggled cos they were too lenient..
Re: What age is appropriate for dating?
It's not about being lenient. Just because you make your kid comfortable talking to you doesn't mean that you always have to agree with them about things, etc.
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^I didn't say u did..
(Last post I meant in general.. not particularly in the case of dating..)
Re: What age is appropriate for dating?
Ok,
I'll mix everything up.
Call it as weired or as NO NO as you can, but when I have children, I'll let them go on a date (18+ for girl, 22+ for boy) only if its a double date with me and my wife, no MAKING OUT (obviously). and it can only be with a potential spouse.
:)
Re: What age is appropriate for dating?
Deeba - It would depend on how mature they are and how old they are. I am going to go with the no dating policy for now. I don't want to send them mixed messages at such a young age. It's one thing to date in your 20s versus at 13 or 16 or to pursue someone for a serious relationship rather than casual dating.
I advocate that they tell me what going on in their life and at 6 and 4 they do :) but I don't know how much our relationship is going to change in the future and how much they information they are going to share.
I know many parents don't agree with me on this but I don't want to be my child's confidant or friend about everything. I want to be their parent. I don't want those lines blurred.
I for one am okay if she goes to her khala, her cousins or someone else that she feels closer to. I don't need to be the only role model in her life.
See, this is where I get confused. I do not want to ever ever ever say its okay to date. Because its not and I will not allow it. However, will this push them to do things behind my back that I wish I knew about? Shouldnt I know those things too? Or should I depend on my sisters to be closer to them?
Re: What age is appropriate for dating?
^Kids need to know your limits and guidelines. Theirs may be different, but they need a stable and strong belief system, and they may challenge it.
Re: What age is appropriate for dating?
Nope.
But when they are ready for marriage (after completing at least a bachelors) they may begin to meet potential spouses unchaperoned.
Perfect approach. No dating allowed except for the SOLE purpose of getting to know your potential spouse and that too after getting an undergrad degree so you're somewhat mature when you begin the process.
Re: What age is appropriate for dating?
after getting an undergrad degree so you're somewhat mature
Sorry but I laughed.
Re: What age is appropriate for dating?
Sorry but I laughed.
No need to apologize. Laughter is good for you. Anyways it's not meant to be taken literally that as soon as you get handed a degree, you become mature. It's more like by the time you're in your 20's, you're not as immature or fixated on puppy love as you are when you're a teenager. Also, you have an education to fall back on so you don't end up screwing your life by 'falling in love' only to realize the person is not right for you and you have nowhere else to go.