What age is appropriate for dating?

Lifestyle Parenting, Household Affairs and Cuisine corner
81

Re: What age is appropriate for dating?

You could have just said 20’s then. There’s plenty of people who screw their lives up for others; with jobs and degrees and what not. There’s no guarantee.

But fair enough, I see your point. The odds are, they’re more level headed. :k:

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Re: What age is appropriate for dating?

^ That and they bring something about themselves that they have cultivated A LITTLE at least to the table. And they have a way to provide for themselves, if necessary.

83

Re: What age is appropriate for dating?

No dating whatsoever.

That is un-Islamic... you cannot be a (good) Muslim if you go on unchaperoned romantic dates. Kissing, hand-holding, sex?!? You have got to be kidding me. What's the point of identifying as a "muslim" if we're just going to disregard the Qu'ran anyway?

And for those saying it can't be helped, well, to put it bluntly, you're totally wrong.

It depends on your parenting skills. I am seventeen years old, and have never -- for once in my life -- thought of sneaking behind my parents backs to get a boyfriend. Neither have any of my sisters. If you teach your kids correctly, it should never happen.

Saying "they'll do it anyway" is just utterly moronic. Will your children become christian anyway just because they're surrounded by christian people? Will they drink? Will they decide to indulge in mindless violence because that's what is on television?

Honestly, people. *Think.

EDIT: Re-reading this made me realise it sounded rude. Sorry if I got a bit carried away here. :)
*

84

Re: What age is appropriate for dating?

I completely agree with you, I'm 18 and I have never been on a date or had a boyfriend. So it is possible!

85

Re: What age is appropriate for dating?

That's fantastic for you. You are both still quite young, so keep it up. But I don't think you are old enough nor experienced to give parental advice. It's easier said than done.

My parents didn't teach me wrong they told me not to date and they will find a match for me. I ended up with my first boyfriend at 21. It was wrong sure but what was worse was when my parents held me hostage and left me to starve for days.

So yeah kudos to you both and keep it up within the next few years.

86

Re: What age is appropriate for dating?

Sorry for sounding rude and yes that was completely wrong of them to do. Because if we as their kids are listening to them then it doesn't mean they can take us for granted and also if you did get a boyfriend it still doesn't give them the right to do that to you.

87

Re: What age is appropriate for dating?

ahhhh to be young and think you know it all. So cute. :)

88

Re: What age is appropriate for dating?

No you weren;t rude, kiddo :). Just you remind me of how i sounded at my age i was really headstrong. Hated all the schoolboys, thought eugh. But i went to uni, it kind of changed for me. Not saying it will happen to you. You are probably alot stronger than I was. But its ok im married to him now, at least something worthwhile came out of all that suffering

So just keep it up :)

89

Re: What age is appropriate for dating?

Dating has nothing to do with age. I have witnessed an 80 year old couple , in neighborhood ,dating and being more cummy in public than young lovers.

90

Re: What age is appropriate for dating?

Wow Sajania, seems like u went thru a hell of a lot :(

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Re: What age is appropriate for dating?

Sajania you are very strong. But at least you got what you wanted in the end.

92

Re: What age is appropriate for dating?

Dating isn't inevitable, and trying to follow the Qu'ran in this matter isn't automatically doomed to failure.

I firmly believe it is up to the way you parent. Note that the argument I'm opposing is "for all of you who say you wouldn't let your kids date, it's pointless, because they'll do it anyway". I'm not arguing the moral ambiguities of dating...

The reason I disagree with this way of thinking is because it does not hold up to any other facet of life. If you parent well, and impress Islamic teaching on your children correctly, then it shouldn't be a problem at all. And if you still disagree with this, simply on the basis of "even if we tell them it's wrong, their peers and western society will influence them to such an extent that they will disregard us"... then I give you with the following example:

If parents teach their children that violence is bad, is this futile? Because, as we all know, we live in a culture saturated with graphic, violent imagery: in television, video games, schools, movies, etc. Now, does this mean that -- regardless of the fact that the parents have taught their children that this is unacceptable -- the children will go out and use violence to solve their problems anyway?

The answer is no.

Obviously, this all comes down to parenting skills (which I don't profess to having :P). I don't think dating is going to happen to your children inevitably. But this is only if you teach them that it's bad; if you don't, then of course they'll go ahead and do it. The choice is a personal one, and totally up to individual parents.

And Sajania, whoah... O_O I hope you got through that okay, and that all turned out well for you. You must be a very strong person :)

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Re: What age is appropriate for dating?

^ i think you discount the effect/impact of peer pressure on teens. i agree that as parents if you believe dating is a no-no, then certainly you'll impress that on your kids and you'll ensure they move in social circles with like-minded people. however, comparing violence or converting to christianity are not really good examples- they're much too extreme. beating someone up or changing your faith entirely has greater consequences than going on a date with someone they like- you're comparing apples and oranges.

as for me, i, too, speak from personal experience on this topic. i was fully set into a way of life as a good pakistani girl, and i'm not saying my parents are bad parents by any means, but they're human and as well-intentioned as they were about my future and acting out of love, certain things were said and done that propelled me towards wanting and doing things that were contrary to what i had been taught all my life. in the end, as a 21 year old, i made my own decisions. parental teaching and influence only goes so far, imho. at a certain point, you decide for yourself what is right, and what you want. like sajalina, i am also now happily married to my then-boyfriend and AH in our case, the family came around in time and respected our decision so things worked out. but my point is that as a 17 year old where things seem so clear and concrete to you, as a 23 year old, things might change. and at that point, it won't be your parents or their teaching that will decide the course of things for you, it'll be what you want, and you might be surprised at what you want.

i, too, hope that you make the right decisions for yourself when the time comes and the challenges arise :)

94

Re: What age is appropriate for dating?

There is nothing wrong with dating as far as you stay with in your limits. Appropriate age is when you analyze situations, use your brain over emotions, and are sensible in general.

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Re: What age is appropriate for dating?

I think people have a different views of what constitutes as dating. IMO Desis in general really don't know how to date. more like bollywood version of dating and eternal type of loverias....

[QUOTE]
If you parent well, and impress Islamic teaching on your children correctly, then it shouldn't be a problem at all.
[/QUOTE]

I for one have seen many Islamic dating services disguised as "matrimonial" services in Islamic conventions. There is speed dating for muslim community. How about internet dating? what are the religious views on that as no islamic rule is being broken?