What age is appropriate for dating?

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41

Re: What age is appropriate for dating?

No, there's no guarantee it will. I know a lot of people who don't date at all. So your blanket statement is pretty inaccurate.

42

Re: What age is appropriate for dating?

And no guarantee it won't happen either or is there?

43

Re: What age is appropriate for dating?

Inshallah i will raise any children i may have to understand what it is to be a muslim and what it entails and they shall therefore themselves not be interested in dating.

44

Re: What age is appropriate for dating?

Thank you! At least one parent who is being realistic about it.

Oh I mean uhhh (saraprudemodealert) no they will never date never never never never never :teary1:

45

Re: What age is appropriate for dating?

Ok in all seriousness, I didn't date but when I was in college I did have the go-ahead to find someone on my own. But in that time, I made A LOT of mistakes....I wouldn't want my imaginary daughter to ever make those same mistakes so I'd try to make sure that she had a good head on her shoulders by the time she got to that age. But yeah, choosing their own partner...I would be okay with that.

46

Re: What age is appropriate for dating?

That was exactly my point. Thank you!

47

Re: What age is appropriate for dating?

I think if you raise your children to understand Islam, have strong faith and be a good Muslim then when they date they will do it to find a life partner not for kicks.

48

Re: What age is appropriate for dating?

Then why did you find my statement inaccurate in the first place? :confused:

49

Re: What age is appropriate for dating?

Well you made a blanket-statement saying its going to happen. I merely pointed out there are no guarantees.

Talking from my observations, most people here don't date. But then this is just one part of the big wide world.

50

Re: What age is appropriate for dating?

Yeah I am still going with my original statement that it is going to happen. I can't say it'll happen in 100% of the cases but it WILL happen and that's me going by my observation where I've seen a lot of young desis dating (without their parents consent) and it's not even for marriage purpose. I am talking about kids still in high school dating, drinking, climbing out of their windows at night to go clubbing, having sex etc.

51

Re: What age is appropriate for dating?

That might hold true for desis living in western societies but it wouldn't apply to most desis living in the middle east or Pakistan. School crushes and flings are one thing but all out dating, drinking and partying is another.

52

Re: What age is appropriate for dating?

I am at uni right now and before when I was younger I used to think why can't I date and go out with boys, but now I realise there actually was no need for it. I am so glad my parents told me not to because I know some of my school friends used go out with boys and they were up to no good. Now I know its none of my business if they want to date or not but there should be a line drawn somewhere but because they have the freedom to do what they want it really messed them up. It's not like I never got crushes or got infatuated by someone but somewhere I knew it was wrong because I wasn't actually serious about them and now the only person if I ever date would be someone that I would marry.

53

Re: What age is appropriate for dating?

Another thing to keep in mind is that the girls that are "loose" and "casual date" freely will have trouble getting rishtas if they want to go the arranged route (which so many do because they have a bad rep and no one wants to marry them). On top of that many families during the whole arranged marriage thing do "reference checks" on girls. My own sluty cousin had a reference check done on her and the family rejected her. In the end, she had to marry a guy she met off the internet who lived in another country because everyone here knew about her.

54

Re: What age is appropriate for dating?

Um...wow.

55

Re: What age is appropriate for dating?

True but don't u think in 20 or so years time when our kids are marrying the arranged marriage system will be practised wayyy less in the west than it is now.. Our parents have obviously carried it on as it's what they know best but for those of us who've grown up in the UK or US or wherever it prob won't be seen as a 'necessary' thing to look for a spouse for them.. Imo things that are taboo right now such as marrying black ppl will become a lot more commonplace and accepted in this next generation and the investigation of a girl's private life whilst overlooking any relationships that the guy might have had will become less widespread.. Already down here in London it's no longer seen as such a massive deal to marry a non-Pakistani (Muslim) the way it was 15/20 years ago.. when I was little I used to hear of girls being disowned for doing it..

I don't know many girls who have dated then later gone down the arranged marriage route (out of choice anyway lol), usually these girls have a different mindset and go on to marry their bfs (I'm not talking about serial bed hoppers, I mean those who are in proper relationships..)

56

Re: What age is appropriate for dating?

I agree with you that the arranged route will become less common but sometimes what happens is that if a girl has a bad rep than no one wants to marry her...that can happen in the future too. I highly doubt my son (if I have one InshAllah) will pick a girl by choice to marry if she has a rather "experienced" past.

I know MANY girls that dated and then went down the arranged route (not like typical arranged but more like introductions through parents and then they dated the guy for a few months before marriage). Most of these girls dated guys they thought they would marry and it just didn't work out, others dated just for fun and the guys they were dating were not really marriage material so when it came time to settle down, they asked their parents for help. Then there's the few serial bed hoppers who have trouble getting married because of the whole "reference check" system. I am not saying this system will be common when we are middle aged, but people will still talk and word can still get around.

57

Re: What age is appropriate for dating?

define dating…

a boy coming over and taking a daughter of mine for a dinner and a movie with my hubby’s blessing :omg: yeah right

They’ll definitely date - I did. 97% sure but it would be behind our back.

58

Re: What age is appropriate for dating?

The point is not whether our children will date or not, because 90% of them probably will. The point is WHY will they date. We can still influence this by instilling islamic values in them from a young age, hence they will realize that dating for kicks or peer pressure is unacceptable and won't even want to do it. I never had a desire to date just for fun, eventhough I had many opportunities. I waited until UNI when I found a guy that I know I would marry.

59

Re: What age is appropriate for dating?

majority of the parents in this very thread did dating,, but they don't want their kids to do that. Now please will ya starting to explain why?

If i have a daughter (inshALLAH) - she can't have my blessing for date, not possible in my books. Why well, i used to date and i know what happened on date nights. We guys are one flighty piece of crap when it comes to doing.. ding dong.

experience said, big no.

60

Re: What age is appropriate for dating?

you answered your own question.

I wouldn't want my daughters to make the same mistakes I did but I wouldn't want them to be emotionally void either. I know that they will have crushes, they will like boys, they will get their heart broken and it;s a part of growing up but I will never allow them to DATE with my blessing however.