…ok, i am not sure where to start, but recently i am just getting sick of the idea of big weddings. with hundreds of guest, thousands of dollars spent on venue, clothing jewelry etc so your relatives, and so called friends can complain later how they didn’t like the way seetings where arranged or the chicken was cooked, or how the dress was too paindo, or to expensive (…and howtheir darzi can do a better dress in fraction of the cost)
why can’t we just do a baat pakki and few days later have a nikkah in a masjid and rukhtasi. THAT’S IT, SIMPLE!
but no we can’t do that, becaue we are desi and our parents would never agree to it because dunya kiya kahay gi, people will gossip and question that why they had a wedding in such a hurry without a huge function, what was the problem..blah blah blah, but the my point is, they going to find a reason to complain and gossip even if we have huge function and spend thousand of dollars, then why not save all the money and let them gossip when that’s what they would have done the other way around too.
what do u guys think? i know weddings are suppose to be fun and all that, but i just think that they are getting too overrated.
bride and groom who should be happy and excited about their life together are busy fighting over decoration or upset over how their cloths didn’t turn out to be the way they wanted. or upset over the fact that dj didn’t play the song they wented to have on when they would walk in together. or something just as stupid and meaningless takes the happiness away from the moment.
P.S. i am not engaged, or getting marry anytime soon. i was just thinking about that stuff for future WHEN i get married.
i agree with u. and i already convinced my mother and guess what she said…she said she also wanted any of her child gets married in mosque. so she really appreciated the idea. i am also not marrying anytime soon in fact not even looking.
I like the idea of having a nikkah in the mosque and having a small party at a small venue afterwards with ONLY the people you want there, but it would have to be a severely limited guest list bcos all the people whose weddings you been to in the past who u did NOT want to invite to this little do will be complaining non-stop that so n so was invited but not me...
Having said that, a reasonably done wedding (not too ott and not too basic) are also rather jolly good fun!
hmmm it is nice to have a big wedding i suppose, however like u said the guests will always complain no matter what. Personally when i get married i wud be selfish. As in whatever makes me n the groom happy that will happen. Obviously i wud wanna make everyone happy. But lets face reality it aint gonna happen, Everyone wants their 2pence worth in all the time.
Fussing abt what music to play or what matches what or if theirs more then 10 variety of foods available is jus STUPID! Like i said im gonna be selfish. As long as my My dress matches my groom's i'll be happy :D
Waste of money, time and food. something that Islam is very critical about (well any sane person will be).
As one of the educationist (Dr Wahab) from Pakistan said "we can borrow 200,000 Rs for wedding expenses but we think borrowing 100,000 for education is a waste of money"
We need to get our priorities straight.
to be honest, I used to care about "dunya kia kahey ge" but I don't care anymore. My parents sometimes do and I tell them to stop thinking about "dunya". This "dunya" will disappear in times of need. I was very generous in spending on "dunya" (my parents are still are) but thanks to my wife, she made me realize what our priorities should be but thats not before I landed "dunya" around 15k$ (over time) only to not get it back
I agree with you. When I got engaged my fiance and I proposed this idea of Nikkah In Mosque follow by a small reception which will include rukhsati. No dholki,mehindi, baarat. However, like you mentioned my parents said log kiya kehinge. Humari ghar ki pheli shaadi hai people are gonna talk and will create prob for my other sisters futures.
I am a student and will be a student after getting married to and i am having to spend all the money i have saved up just because "log kiya kahiengay" Honestly, the stress this wedding is giving me is taking away the main point to why am i getting married.
Our desi community should go back to the islamic way of doing it simply and accept people who does it simply.
For me personally, i much prefer small events with minimum costs but many people want extravagant weddings because its once in a lifetime kinda thing. im having a simple wedding adn valima and i told my fiance to take me for a nice honeymoon instead of spending so much on wedding celebration. I mean people just come, eat and most of them don't even give you decent presents!
but I guess aslong as you can afford it, theres no harm in having huge weddings but i do have issues with people borrowing money from others to finance weddings. Thats just ridiculous and i would never give a loan to anyone for that purpose.
Mosques aren't really seen as social venues by many Pakistanis, although their original function was not only a place of worship, but was also meant for town hall type meetings and social functions and education.
That, and when you have a wedding in a mosque, it becomes incumbent for the women to cover their hair and be relatively covered up out of respect...which totally throws a monkey wrench in the teeny bopper goal of looking as hot as possible to court rishtaas. Many mosques would not allow mixing of genders, another monkey wrench in allowing the opposite sex to at least see each other and possibly initiate talks of other relationships forming.
For Pakistani families, the wedding time is a big opportunity for families to get together and allow their kids to get a glimpse at each other...for purposes of initiating future rishtaas. Anyone who denies this is living in la-la land. It is the one time where you can "fall in love" with the beautiful mysterious cinderella entering the shaadi hall.
Why do you think girls go through the pain they do getting ready for some random person's wedding?
Anyway, so yeah, that's why these events tend to be more lavish. It is truly the one entertainment and hobby that Pakistanis have. They don't have other healthy hobbies that allow gender mixing (although that is beginning to change). And this goes especially for lower classes and working class families. They don't have the privelege to send their kids off for bowling at Area 51.
^ Beside that, large gathering might help in a situation when for some reason Dulha (aur uss k abba) INKAROOFY to bring the barat due to some Jahaiz demands ...girl's parents than have large pool of qurbani k bakrey to look at and pick one ..right then and there... !
How come only girls think that way??..Where is Monk??
Very very few people think the way, some posters have mentioned…at the end-of-day…the guy listens to his mother, and tells…meri ek hi baar shaadi hogi, so why not…and you know, mum’s always right
PyariCGudia, you always say whats on my mind in such a direct-cut to the BS kinda way. I love it.
"Anyone who denies this is living in la-la land." < lol!
that is very true - weddings become so much more about meeting new people than about the bride and groom. people get to show off their new clothes and jewelry, all for the purpose of maybe just maybe someone noticing them. it is also a very legit place for gender intermixing. i never thought of it that way til you just pointed it out. i go to at least 2-3 weddings a year, and after that many dholkis, mehndis, shaadis, valimas, the excitement wears off and you start to wonder what your true motivation is of dressing up so much and going!
I think our culture puts too much emphasis on weddings. That is why they are getting more and more elaborate.... its like a competition now as well. "Gotta keep up with the Jones's" type thing. Where if one person in the community has done something in their wedding, people feel compelled to do the same thing OR top that and make theirs even more extravagant. It is getting out of control.
I will be engaged soon InshAllah and am more focused and excited about my future life with my guy. People do not understand that that is the rest of your life. The wedding stuff is only a couple days out of your life. People should not get so hung up on it for that reason .... so I totally agree... i think they are overrated.
Keeping it as simple as possible is probably the best way in my opinion. Stay true to the phrase: "Less is more". My friends sister got married recently and even though mA her parents are very capable to have thrown an extremely lavish and extravagant wedding and have a million functions. They opted not to. They kept things simple and to the bare minimal. Nikkah at home, some dinner function at home/rukhsati. They had a small mehndi function the day before as well and that was also at the house. My friend explained to me that this way they could get away with inviting only the FEW and SELECT people that they truly care about and love. These people are more likely the ones that are not going to complain and critique and instead only have the love and best wishes in their hearts. By having everything at home, it gave people less opportunity to critique everything as well. I liked how they went about it honestly.
I would like to have it that way but my future MIL is the type that cares a lot about "dunya". And I am seeing how out of control my future SIL shaadi is turning out to be...she is having 8 functions. Being a part of that process has ALSO contributed to my whatever attitude towards my own shaadi. I'm so over everything - the drama, general discontentment over stupid things (flowers, clothing, etc), the stress, etc....
My parents agree with me... simple is the way to go like how my friends sister got married.... they paid for all of my education and also have to pay for my siblings... that is MUCH more important than throwing huge parties.
So yea: Weddings are overrated and unnecessary stress (that takes away from the true happiness of the actual moment/event). The ridiculous amount of money spent on them should be used towards things like education, future house, or even honeymoon. That is my opinion.
My youngest sister is getting married and I feel like partying it up! I want a big wedding because in my immediate family it will be the last one for a LOOOONG time. My cousins will be getting married, yes. However, this is it for us girls...cant let it happen without a big shabang...lol.
Okay,** I am usually against OTT weddings** BUT...
My youngest sister is getting married and I feel like partying it up! I want a big wedding because in my immediate family it will be the last one for a LOOOONG time. My cousins will be getting married, yes. However, this is it for us girls...cant let it happen without a big shabang...lol.
Im gonna dance and partay like its 2003!!!!!
yeee khullaa tEEZAAAd nahee hai?
Off course whoever celebrates their loved one's weddings has the same (or some) reason ....
it's not about affording it.
it's about wasting money on something that people do only because of society and people around them.
i used to be in a fav. of big extravagant weddings. it used to be the biggest "dream" of my life to have a most beautiful huge wedding functions and all that but recently two things changed my mind.
the first was my brother's wedding few months ago. where we and the larki walay spent all the money and thought it would be so cool so much fun blah blah blah. but honestly it was just another event. we all dressed up went there took pictures, talked to people and got back home.
later i heard a lot of people complaining about a lot of stuff, that how the dulha walay didn't gave them enough importance, how they didn't get a good place to sit, how none invited them to come get a professional picture taken with the bride and groom blah blah blah. and that hurt me.
if i am getting married i want people to be happy for me, but that's the last thing people do, since everyone is so stressed, including your parents they all are in a bad mood and everyone is fighting with everyone else.
i don't want all that.
another thing that changed my mind about big wedding is my friend's upcoming wedding. MASHALLAH she and her fiance are both really happy and couldn't wait to get married to each other, but they can't get married till next summer because her family has to come to the wedding and siblings can't come anytime before the summer. and even thought it's her wedding she has to be the one asking everyone in her family for the time when all of them can come, and none of their's dates are matching so she is very stressed about the wedding date and all that.
if it wasn't for the society pressure she could have just gotten married to him few months ago when they got rishta pakka.
but no they can't, because everyone expecting to have a big wedding and what would the world say if ur brother can't coem to the wedding.
and guess what she said…she said she also wanted any of her child gets married in mosque. so she really appreciated the idea. i am also not marrying anytime soon in fact not even looking.
