Re: Ways to Deal With a DifficulT MIL ..!
Rabia,
I have read thru the thread. Awal to OP apnay baaray main pooch nahi rahi. She has said ...twice....that she's not asking about herself, that it's about someone else...a cousin, I think. Now, let's give OP the benefit of the doubt and believe that she's asking about someone else.......then why do we need to accuse her of not being happy unless she receives responses validating her own beliefs about in-laws?
She has said that the cousin in question doesn't say anything "right or wrong" to the MIL. Now if this means that the the cousin avoids arguing with MIL....then it seems to indicate that she doesn't condone disrespect toward in-laws. Yeh cousin ki story hai and yes it is a one-sided story as is the case for all threads. Later on, OP shared a little bit about her own marriage. She said that her MIL is depressed and she doesn't respond to MIL's hurtful words and that husband deals with it. Even this little bit of information does not indicate that Sanaya condones disrespect toward in-laws.
Sanaya's "mistake" is that she had said more than once that a MIL cannot love a DIL the same as her daughter or even like the DIL's mother. Maybe because she has stated this reality more than once, some folks on here are assuming that she is hell bent on using this reality of human nature to justify disrespect toward her in-laws. I didn't get that vibe. Unfortunately her own experience with her MIL and the experiences of her friends/cousins with in-laws has not been the best, but is the mentioning of those ill experiences along with stating the reality of human nature....enough for us to deduce that she condones disrespect of in-laws?
Okay theek hai....let's, for a moment, say that she holds the general belief that MILs tend to be difficult based on the experiences she and others have. She's disillusioned. She wanted advice from the married folks on here.....who could have given her tips on how to handle conflicts or bond with her MIL...maybe even suggest tips from an Islamic perspective....or perhaps some duas, etc. People on here could have gently advised to let go of preconceived negative beliefs as they can impact the way she interacts with her MIL. They could extend it further and say that if OP was to have a daughter ...then developing a negative attitude about MILs can be harmful to a marriage as it colors the way you look at things. Advice from this angle could have been given as well.
From what I understand is that she wanted to know what types of personal matters warrant a MIL's interference and how to deal with them. Why are her past views or posts on religion being brought up? How is that helpful...does it not read more like an attack? I don't think Sanaya is being rude. And I agree with Theorist in that the bulk of the negativity in the thread is not coming from the OP.
From what I understand is that she wanted to know what types of personal matters warrant a MIL's interference and how to deal with them. Why are her past views or posts on religion being brought up? How is that helpful...does it not read more like an attack? I don't think Sanaya is being rude. And I agree with Theorist in that the bulk of the negativity in the thread is not coming from the OP.
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thanks alot you people are really sensible.
You have cleared it nicely .. A big thanks to you . I couldnt sleep the whole night because of their response .
I was wrong abt MIL cant love because of some personal reasons . She is nice but she never helped me in house chores, like , chopping veg, dusting or even she asks for a glass of water at bed where she is playing games on fb and im pregnant doing evesythng for her and FIL ,pressing clothes, washing, cooking, cleaning house , each and everything.
But i never complain. On sundays as well, when my husband sees he feel bad . Sometimes i cry because i had never done these things at my parents place. I knw im married and i have to do all these thngs. But whenever my husband arranges any maid she says "bahu ko bigarna hy? Koi itna kam nhi hy, sub krty hain. Hum b krty thy". Now my husband has arranged a separate flat and she is abusing me infront of my fIL and family . My mother cant ever do so. And i never tell her about mz in.laws behaviour. She even abuses my late father :,(
Now we r separate ..
If i was wrong why did my husband is realising everythng on his own without any complain or back biting from my side against MIL ..
Still i do respect her and all members by my heart . And i do hijab when i was 8 yrs old.
Now i hve explained everything ..
. Ur friend shouldnt preach what she cant practice.