Re: Ways to Deal With a DifficulT MIL ..!
Jab shaadi ki hai aur love marriage karne ki himmat hai to usko nibhao.
You need to set some very realistic expectations for yourself. Who cares what others think?
Make your relationship strong, keep your mouth shut and live your own life.
Baqi saray don't matter. Your relationship with your MIL **should **be great but if it isn't...what can you do? Do your best and leave the rest to Allah swt. Your expectations from others are what get you in trouble.
Re: Ways to Deal With a DifficulT MIL ..!
saniya rajput vanquishes arvi mooli gajar etc. once more like a road roller does to papad. i dont know why her mil isnt quivering in her chappals already.
Re: Ways to Deal With a DifficulT MIL ..!
Didn’t we have a deal about arvi? 
Re: Ways to Deal With a DifficulT MIL ..!
Oh please!! Every saas is someone's mother. Whether it be beta ki maa ya beti ki. Given a mother's mamta, by that logic, beta ki maa bhi apnay beta ka ghar nahin kharaab karegi.
I know of girls' mother who has been fitna in her daughter's life and was so interfering her daughter got divorced. So it's not maa ya saas ya baap ya susar - it's about who the individual is.
And moreover, what about the couple - don't they have the sense God gave them to 1) learn tolerance, patience and grace and 2) know how to balance relationships and be fair to everyone involved?
sirf apni maa hi maa hoti hy .. Thats it ..
Saas husband ki maa ko kehte hain
or apni maa maa kehlati hy
jo jis ka muqam hy wohi rhe ga.
Re: Ways to Deal With a DifficulT MIL ..!
^ and is that what islam taught you?
Re: Ways to Deal With a DifficulT MIL ..!
Bari dosti lag rhi hy dono ki ..
Pehle arzi ne muje kaha k apne aisa aisa kaha ap k sath b retUrn main aisa hoNa chahye tha. Plus galat ko mirchi lagti hy.
Jab maine keh dia k muj se related nhi hy topic tu q zaberdasti muj per thop rhi hain ye baat?
Aisi baat per main inko common sense use karne ka keh skti hun . Topic per baat kren muj per q kar rhi hain?
Re: Ways to Deal With a DifficulT MIL ..!
I think what the lesson to be learned here is:
Always be careful of the in-laws "rishtay" because they are delicate. The way I can argue with my mom, I cannot argue with my saas. The way I can yell at my sisters, I cannot yell at my SIL's. The way I can do man maani with my parents, it doesn't work with in-laws. They don't have that history with you, hence the be-takallufi or closeness is not there.
Your mom and dad will be the only one who will not mind most of what you do or say. Your MIL and FIL and SIL and BIL definitely will not look at things in the same light...at least not in the beginning. Cultivating that bond takes years so its best to tread carefully.
Re: Ways to Deal With a DifficulT MIL ..!
Like I said in my opinion they seem harmless but understandable if she is annoyed by them. I didn't undermine the fact that they could be hurtful. And I gave her a valid reason for the first comment. No one is comparing her to Nadz, the fact that OP can't handle a different opinion than her's puts her in a class for herself and she's the one lashing out.
Wendy, I'm sorry I think I'll take Sehrysh's advice on this. Ab OP dimagh tak chali gaye hai to uske dimagh ka kaun mukabla karega GS par .. sadly I can't find a competer.
it had better for you dont reply in my threads, you always use rude words.
Be in your limits , if you cant help yourself kindly dont make fun of others ..
Topic is about MIL not about me and my personal life .
Re: Ways to Deal With a DifficulT MIL ..!
I think what the lesson to be learned here is:
Always be careful of the in-laws "rishtay" because they are delicate. The way I can argue with my mom, I cannot argue with my saas. The way I can yell at my sisters, I cannot yell at my SIL's. The way I can do man maani with my parents, it doesn't work with in-laws. They don't have that history with you, hence the be-takallufi or closeness is not there.
Your mom and dad will be the only one who will not mind most of what you do or say. Your MIL and FIL and SIL and BIL definitely will not look at things in the same light...at least not in the beginning. Cultivating that bond takes years so its best to tread carefully.
you re right .. Agreed .
This is what i was trying to say .. Thanks a lot
Re: Ways to Deal With a DifficulT MIL ..!
^ and is that what islam taught you?
Allah has put certain tendencies in our fitrat and one can't deny that. If someone is saying that the general tendency of human nature is that no other person will love you with the depth your parents do, there is nothing at all wrong in that. In fact it's an aspect of Allah's creation for us to marvel at and it reinforces the status that parents have in Islam. MIL to door ki baat hai, I can tell you with unwavering yaqeen that none of my khalas can come even halfway close to giving me the love my mom has, MashAllah. Islam does emphasize respect of elders and patience toward all; nobody's gonna argue that. But if someone states a general tendency of human nature, I don't necessarily see that as them being heedless of Islam's teachings or going against them.
Re: Ways to Deal With a DifficulT MIL ..!
Allah has put certain tendencies in our fitrat and one can't deny that. If someone is saying that the general tendency of human nature is that no other person will love you with the depth your parents do, there is nothing at all wrong in that. In fact it's an aspect of Allah's creation for us to marvel at and it reinforces the status that parents have in Islam. MIL to door ki baat hai, I can tell you with unwavering yaqeen that none of my khalas can come even halfway close to giving me the love my mom has, MashAllah. Islam does emphasize respect of elders and patience toward all; nobody's gonna argue that. But if someone states a general tendency of human nature, I don't necessarily see that as them being heedless of Islam's teachings or going against them.
RV, the problem is that some people with or without reason, consider their own mother to be like Christ - the saviour and Messiah and they automatically juxtapose the MIL to be the anti-Christ and she-Devil.
A MIL is not, merely because she is the MIL, a DIL's enemy. A MIL may not give her life blood, sweat and tears for her DIL like a mother will - but all MILs should not be presumed to be likely to push their DIL in front on an oncoming train.
My MIL is not my mother…she may be the kindest woman on earth and she may love her son to bits…but she’s not my mother, never will be. You should treat your MIL with the amount of respect you give your own mother - but if my mom meddled in my mariage or my personal decisions (once i’m married and not accountable to her, these decisions have no effect on her) - then yeah, i’d follow my own advice: simple explanation, ignore the comments made, end of story. It applies to anyone. I never said outright ignore ur MIL while she’s talking to u lol but yeah…she doesn’t have an obligation or duty to sit down and explain to anyone the spiritual/mental journey to wearing an abaya now and why she didn’t before. Reha’s advice is the best, IMO.
When it comes to household responsibilities…u can’t label waking up at a certain time as a personal decision, for me that’s common sense…u live in anyone’s house…pitch in and follow the general trend/rules of the house. This applies to in-laws as well.
But anyway, this is all irrelevant from reading OPs reaction.
Re: Ways to Deal With a DifficulT MIL ..!
RV, the problem is that some people with or without reason, consider their own mother to be like Christ - the saviour and Messiah and they automatically juxtapose the MIL to be the anti-Christ and she-Devil.
A MIL is not, merely because she is the MIL, a DIL's enemy. A MIL may not give her life blood, sweat and tears for her DIL like a mother will - but all MILs should not be presumed to be likely to push their DIL in front on an oncoming train.
This is exactly what I mean. RV even your example of a khala doesn't apply to everybody. My mother is really close to her naads but not to her own sister.
Also, like sehrysh said, not all MIL are the same. Keep an open mind when starting a relationship, give respect to your in-laws like you would respect your parents or at least try to.
OP posted few comments of this difficult MIL...which if you just read the comment they aren't anything you wouldn't hear if you change your style of living. Even us girls talk about the girl who use to be super liberal and now isn't. OP if your "friend" really thought of her MIL has a mother...she would have taken these comments has a mother picking on her daughter or telling her how she feels.
Re: Ways to Deal With a DifficulT MIL ..!
My MIL is not my mother...she may be the kindest woman on earth and she may love her son to bits...but she's not my mother, never will be. You should treat your MIL with the amount of respect you give your own mother - but if my mom meddled in my mariage or my personal decisions (once i'm married and not accountable to her, these decisions have no effect on her) - then yeah, i'd follow my own advice: simple explanation, ignore the comments made, end of story. It applies to anyone. I never said outright ignore ur MIL while she's talking to u lol but yeah...she doesn't have an obligation or duty to sit down and explain to anyone the spiritual/mental journey to wearing an abaya now and why she didn't before. Reha's advice is the best, IMO.
When it comes to household responsibilities...u can't label waking up at a certain time as a personal decision, for me that's common sense...u live in anyone's house...pitch in and follow the general trend/rules of the house. This applies to in-laws as well.
But anyway, this is all irrelevant from reading OPs reaction.
I questioned ur comment because it didn't fit OP's situation. The "comment from the MIL," aren't really getting into her personal life with her husband. I don't see how they can be effecting their marriage. When you move into your inlaws house, you should try to follow the general trend...so if everyone is waking up at 6am and you don't get up 10am that will be considered odd. Even your mother would say something about that if you did that at home.
Re: Ways to Deal With a DifficulT MIL ..!
Women whether it is the DIL or MIL always cause 90% of problems in the household.
I suggest you duel it out in the ring?
I question your comment because it didn’t fit OP’s situation. The “comment from the MIL,” aren’t really getting into her personal life with her husband. I don’t see how they can be effecting their marriage. When you move into your inlaws house, you should try to follow the general trend…so if everyone is waking up at 6am and you don’t get up 10am that will be considered odd. Even your mother would say something about that if you did that at home.
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As u can see…i clarified regarding household responsibilities. I assumed, wrongly i’m guessing, that OP would see that as common sense. My advice was geared more towards comments made abt her personal decisions (religious decisions etc) and like i said, waking up at 8 isn’t a personal decision.
Re: Ways to Deal With a DifficulT MIL ..!
What the heck is wrong with waking up at 8? And no it's not that you're living in someone else's home - that is also YOUR home now and you don't need to throw your individuality away for the sake of your mother in law.
Re: Ways to Deal With a DifficulT MIL ..!
RV, the problem is that some people with or without reason, consider their own mother to be like Christ - the saviour and Messiah and they automatically juxtapose the MIL to be the anti-Christ and she-Devil.
A MIL is not, merely because she is the MIL, a DIL's enemy. A MIL may not give her life blood, sweat and tears for her DIL like a mother will - but all MILs should not be presumed to be likely to push their DIL in front on an oncoming train.
Sehrysh,
Just because a MIL can not feel the same depth of love for you that your own mother has for you.....doesn't mean she's your enemy or a minion of the antichrist. Yes, I know that, Sehrysh. I never said that MILS are evil. Before a girl gets married and gets herself a MIL, she has met with many auntis throughout her life that are very warm and friendly women...and heck may even be nicer than the aunts in her own family.
I only looked at the OP's post that Rabia responded to. In that post OP simply stated a tendency of human nature k saas ko hum bayshak ammi keh kar bulaayain, she (by nature) cannot have the same feelings a mother has for us. ****This tendency in human nature STILL does not entitle the DIL to become careless in her respect/attitude toward her MIL....nor does it entitle the MIL to become careless or transgress with her DIL.
In that post.....and I am only talking about that post....all Sanaya stated was a general tendency of human nature.....what gunnah has she done? What is so wrong with that particular post of hers that it warrants us questioning how good/strong of a Muslim she is or how much she follows Islam....or how much of Islam she has learned or followed? After all, Reha said the same thing.....that you can naturally get away with a hell lot more with your own parents than your in-laws......but tab kisi ko takleef naHi hui. And if OP points out the same reality, we have to question her iman? What is sooooooooo wrong or objectionable in my initial post, Sehrysh, that you had to tell me the above? Did you honestly think that I believe all MILs to be evil? Or was it in defense of Rabia....I dunno. I have nothing against Rabia, but I found her response to be unnecessary and I don't believe it has a justification. So are you trying to justify it or what?
Re: Ways to Deal With a DifficulT MIL ..!
RV I didn't mind your opinion...and I agree with it a little as well. BUT you picked my comment as it was and not in OP's situation or regarding her questions. My question to her was to her many responses to other comments. And yes a mother love can't be compared, and a MIL can't never be your mother. BUt giving her the same respect isn't and shouldn't be so difficult. Also what Sherysh is saying is that a MIL is a mother too...why would she want to destroy her son's marriage (in a normal situation...not referring to the dramas.) I have seen mothers destroy their daughters marriages why giving them horrible advice...or not saying anything to stop their daughters from making a mistake. So yes even a mother can cause harm to their own.
I really don't see how is Sehrysh is defending me ???
Re: Ways to Deal With a DifficulT MIL ..!
What the heck is wrong with waking up at 8? And no it's not that you're living in someone else's home - that is also YOUR home now and you don't need to throw your individuality away for the sake of your mother in law.
PG you follow the rules of your parents when you live in their house...same should be done when you live at your inlaws house. Yes it is your home, but not your house. There are many families that considered waking up late as nahusat. My own phuphos use to say that and wake all of us early when we use you visit. Just a old, traditional stuff...again if you changed your habit a little bit to make your MIL happy...who can that really hurt? You give a little and gain a little....hopefully its balanced situation.