at the end of the day it's all about level of trust
But sweety, at the end of the day, it does undermine the level of trust also. If looking at Na Mehrams is forbidden in our religion, I believe it is so for a very valid reason.
Obviously if my husband tells me I am the most beautiful person on earth, and in the same vein, he keeps his eyes wandering, maybe he is only consoling me. But if he can protect his stare in front of me, (and ofcourse when I am not there too, but he knows that Allah is), I have no reason not to trust his words because after all, I am the only one he looks at to relish and please his stare, though the world be full of pretty faces. And yes, such husbands still exist in this very world.
Better not to have a very high 'level of trust' on the one who doesn't care about the trust (eyes) of his OWN CREATOR. If he can betray (without any guilt) the trust of the ONE Who has the right over every cell of his body and loves him infinite times more than you love him, than what value do you expect of yourself in front of such a man (You haven't done even 0.00001 % of what his LORD did for him) ?
Ofcourse, if he does taubah and correct himself, than that is a different case.
Human beings will look at and appreciate anything beautiful. It has created our love of art. Some men and women are handsome and beautiful, like artwork, deserving of a look.
why do you ppl all keep on ranting about human beings appreciate anything beautiful, men are creature that will always stare deserving look etc etc ...
there are ALOT of humble sincere strong minded men who DO NOT stare and who DO NOT appreciate other women beauty who have become great husbands. take an example of your fathers. how much do they stare and appreciate...?
just for the sake of making a comment has no meaning
Once I asked a colleague, how come his wife doesn't mind his looking at other women, so openly everywhere (which he used to talk about proudly). His mischievous smile and words indicated that wives are usually too innocent to comprehend the level to which his (men's) PURE 'imagination' can reach. At times suddenly he used to indirectly say things about imagining other women (whom he used to watch) while being with his wife, that gave me head aches.
No wonder, I never saw him sad or missing his wife whenever he was away from them for months, while others couldn't control their tears every night missing their wife dearly. He had so many options for quenching the thirst of his eyes (in his wife's absence), and considered the rest of us fool when our eyes were thirsty for the sight of our only beloved one.
Sure there are men who don’t stare and that’s great :k:.
But for me there are much bigger issues than to taunt my husband for wandering his eyes somewhere else. In my mind it’s a much bigger issue if my husband wanted a 2nd wife. Now that’s way beyond wandering eyes.
very important point you mentioned there - imvho being ok (or letting them do it) with husbands staring and appreciating other women is the first step in letting them loose so to speak. and/or giving them the wrong signals. some women might be too innocent while others might think i have him on a short leash. imo the end result for either of them would be disastrous if ignored for too long.
until and unless both husband sit down together and agree that the husband will ONLY stare and appreciate other women and the wife can ONLY stare and appreciate other men and thats where they draw the line. but then who is to say either one of them will not cross the line and everything would end. the human objective must be to thrive and build a family not always be on the edge - the instance my spouse cheats im going to throw him or her out of the house.
imagine a women stares and appreciates every guy 20% of the time when the husband is around and the husband doesnt mind it. in his absence she will appreciate say 40% of the time. if you think about it, what does it actually mean? her mind is occupied with other men 40% while shopping or walking in a mall. ask few more question. what is she really staring at and appreciating? the clothes he is wearing? his eyes? ears? legs? chest? what is all this eventually leading to? if she has a husband, no matter what anyone says, he comes in direct comparison here ...
imvho - wives would be fooling themselves if they think they are ok with s&a
Once I asked a colleague, how come his wife doesn't mind his looking at other women, so openly everywhere (which he used to talk about proudly). His mischievous smile and words indicated that wives are usually too** innocent to comprehend the level to which his (men's) PURE 'imagination'** can reach. At times suddenly he used to indirectly say things about imagining other women (whom he used to watch) while being with his wife, that gave me head aches.
No wonder, I never saw him sad or missing his wife whenever he was away from them for months, while others couldn't control their tears every night missing their wife dearly. **He had so many options for quenching the thirst of his eyes (in his wife's absence), and considered the rest of us fool **when our eyes were thirsty for the sight of our only beloved one.
No wonder, I never saw him sad or missing his wife whenever he was away from them for months, while others couldn't control their tears every night missing their wife dearly.
dude....like seriously????? your friends cried to you that they miss their wife??
^No. Somethings are evident from people's speech and eyes, when they miss someone in life whom they just left in their homeland. They don't have to say it. Friends do understand the feelings of friends when they are away from family. The brightness and that excitement from their face disappears, which returns with the return of family.
If you have a guest in your home, and there is a strong dusty wind and smoke outside. You would keep the doors and windows of guest room closed. Why ? because if you opened the window, all the dust and smoke would enter the guest room and pollute it, that would make it difficult for your guest to stay in that room.
Heart is the home of Allah's remembrance. Eyes are windows of the heart. If this window is kept open for the impure sights, those images would enter the heart, pollute it, and Allah's PURE remembrance would no longer stay in that polluted heart. Then people like me complain why they don't feel the sweetness of remembrance of Allah (swt) in their prayers, Zikr...etc.
My dad told me once that when he first arrived in the UK 40-odd years ago he did stare at women until his best friend (desi, who had already been here a while) told him not to as it was considered rude.. and there he was thinking it was ‘normal’ Am sure the majority of dads (like the average guy) behave(d) in a similar way, esp with family not around.. bit naive to think otherwise..
I’ve never actually noticed my SO checking out other girls but I’m sure he must do, I was a total stranger he was checking out before we got together so not like he’s above it.. Sometimes I’ll point out someone attractive and he’ll glance over but it’s never been a full-on stare..
Am sure the majority of dads (like the average guy) behave(d) in a similar way, esp with family not around.. bit naive to think otherwise..
