This is obviously not generalization but its mostly true.. I can tell you that. You've not met many Pakistani women bred in the west... The ones who are born and raised in the west are not the type who are born and raised in Pakistan under parental guidance. In the west, parents dont have a say in raising their daughter neither can they question where their beti is going or who are their friends.. having bf before marriage these days for expatriat Pakistani larkis- My gora/gori friends told me and they generally dont lie
you should be proud of this fact merey bhai ... this is a blessing and you shouldnt feel bad at all..You should pray from Allah to keep you away from haram. inshallah graduate , find a nokri and get married ... trust me its not worth having physical relationships before marraige. You should be proud of your religion and the path that you are following..expect jazah only from Allah .
Seriously, in college, there are all sorts of people and they really don’t care what you are unless you really stand out like the shiny hair, colorful clothing that some new indians here wear [though even then people do mind their own business]. I only have had heard this discussion in retail kind of jobs but then you have to realize what kind of people work there..
My 90% of friends are American born Pakistanis in different states and I do move around in Pakistani community and interact with a good bunch of American born Pakistani girls and none of them fit your generalization. You guys think that boy friend by default means that a girl is having sex with him.
Now that you have brought their parents in, can I bring yours in too? Can I say that there are loop holes in your upbringing that you are accusing a group of girls based on your assumptions and generalizations without evidence?
Oh and it also appears to me that you don't have any issues with guys having pre-marital affairs/relationships as your posts are all about girls. Obviously you have very limited exposure and you believe too much in what people say, so I am not gonna argue with you.
Oh by the way western media is corrupting girls in Pakistan as well especially they girls in cities, so maybe you should get a wife from pind, Wazairistan, or Afghanistan.
BIG APPLAUSE!Very well said!
Such narrow minded ppl there r!
Moin sahib what were u doing with a gori late night anyways? mr wannabe sharif::huh
Moin sahib what were u doing with a gori late night anyways? mr wannabe sharif::huh
You gotta know chaudhry ateeq things he is "espeshal" because he is a stud from Central Asia who isn't like the lowly indian looking punjabis in punjab.
They wouldn't make fun of you if they were really your friends.
I know several "good pakistani boys" who hang out with groups of gori kids and they never get made fun of (except in a teasing, friendly sort of way sometimes)- it just gets taken for granted that they don't drink and they won't hook up with girls.
Many thanks indeed brother for such a nice reply.. what if you get married after 30? Is it advisable to remain virgin till then too?
You remain virgin until you get married, period. Nobody said you have to wait until you're 30 though. I myself got married in my mid to late 20's.
1: you can't avoid some ppl in your life.. for example, your boss, your prof and your colleagues.. I am sure you dont like everyone you share your workplace with.. but u do hangout with them- otherwise you'll be labeled "unsocial"
2 I said that- but for lot of ppl it kinda sounds premitive at best. many think its funny to be virgin just because you follow some religion where its prohibited
3Yes, I still do.. I answered in #1 why..
Maybe you can't avoid some people in your life, but that doesn't mean you have to associate with them more than is necessary. You don't need to worry about how acceptable people think your reasons are for being a virgin or for following any part of deen. You're giving yourself a headache for nothing. Hanging around these people and trying to please them will get you nothing except for more non-issues to worry about. If hanging out with these people is getting you to even contemplate pre-marital sex, then being called anti-social by them is a much better alternative.
Remember that our success lies in following the orders of Allah. These people whose opinions you're getting worked up about cannot benefit you or harm you. You need no justification whatsoever for following deen.
The closest I came to dealing the peer pressure you're going through is that I avoided alcohol in university, even if all my peers were consuming it. I was not the least the least bit ashamed by it. Some people would say stuff like "What? you don't drink?" and I would confidentally tell them I don't. Some might I have seen it as strange but I didn't care.
Be brave and do the right thing. If youngsters like you will make the right choices in these matters, not only will you benefit, inshAllah you will also be a means of hidayah for others.
You should never have to recreate yourself for anyone...if they make fun of you and dont respect you then they arent your friends...
Persoanlly i dont know many virgins at that age but i have a certain crowd...chill with people who feel the way you do about things then it wont feel so strange...
And dont do anything until you feel you are ready...you live for yourself bro not for people...
change your gathering. studying is one thing partying another. islam sets pretty strict boundaries for males and females regardless of where they are. east or west. no reason for you to hang out for the heck of it.
You’re about to get yourself in very hot water here, moin. I was born and raised in the west with the highest standards. And I have many friends and relatives with the same good values. None of us ever dared to have boyfriends out of respect for our parents and our fear of Allah. And our parents were very involved in raising us, and they did tell us plainly who we couldn’t hang out with.
I married a shareef Pakistani born and bred man who couldn’t believe his good fortune since all of his friends back in Pakistan (both male and female) dated, fooled around and were even sexually active before marriage (many many stories of girls from respectable families who had their boyfriends sneak into their rooms after everyone had gone to sleep, or the classic “I’m going to Saba’s house” but in reality were going to Shan’s.) So you see, you really can’t stereotype either place–it’s more about individuals and their limits. Not “You’re from America, so you must be a slut.” It doesn’t work that way. Learn this lesson now before you make another mistake.
Yes, there is more pressure in the west to become sexually active before marriage, but at the same time, there are plenty of people out there who are God fearing (even goray) who do wait until marriage. Your mistake is that you were very bewakoof in telling everyone you were a virgin. Just why were you spilling your personal business in front of everyone? Get more chalak, and next time, just say you aren’t interested or you’re with someone else. End of story.
in the future....when such a proposal comes your way just refuse...no need to explain or get into details.
OR
If you feel like you have to explain.......simply say "I dont believe in premarital sex" and/or "premarital sex goes against my beliefs".....most people wont tease you about it if you tell them it goes against what you believe in.
at this point...since what's said and done....just move on and try not to care about what others think. These people arent going to help you get anywhere in life and they surely wont help you get to the hereafter. Be proud of what and who you are and what you believe in......also... try to hang out with people that share the same beliefs that you have...it'll be better for you.
I was born and raised in the west with the highest standards. And I have many friends and relatives with the same good values. None of us ever dared to have boyfriends out of respect for our parents and our fear of Allah. And our parents were very involved in raising us, and they did tell us plainly who we couldn’t hang out with.