Very Very COMPLEX rishta situation

Lifestyle Relationships
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Re: Very Very COMPLEX rishta situation

If a guy is interested, he wont wait around for another man to come and get you. Thats how it works. If he likes you enough, he will do what he needs to do. It really is as simple as that. A divorced man with a child is usually much more independent and doesnt need approval to marry.

Do you think anyone or anything is stopping him from marrying you? According to you, you're much better than a divorcee so why wouldnt his mother agree to you? She should be doing sajday in gratitude, right?

But is that happening? No. Nothing is happening.

He sounds like the kind of guy who has a hard time saying NO to people, thats all. He doesnt like unpleasant situations or rejecting people.

As for the website...has it occurred to you that since he doesnt see a future with you...he doesnt care what you find out or see?

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Re: Very Very COMPLEX rishta situation

this is mostly it, isnt it? you want an explanation, maybe an apology, etc etc. its not going to give you closure even if you did get those things. stop obsessing over it. think of all the hot guys out there. mm.. if it helps, think of john abraham in a thong or something.

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Re: Very Very COMPLEX rishta situation

My mom asked me to send one email every 3 months just to ask about if things proceed with him. Things were NOT going anywhere for us so my mom said it was NO harm in waiting for him if he really is trying to make his mom agree. We had a hint about his family's disagreement in the begining when my mom called his aunty and she made an excuse that she had guests and cud not talk. Previously, he told my mom that the guy's mom had to decide among 3-4 proposals and she will be finalising things in 2-3 months. So my mom thought may be they wanted some time as this is quite common in arranged setting.

But then the guy clearly advised us that his mom in interested somewhere else. We just kept in touch through keeping each other on 2 chats, sending few fwd emails and sending proper email from my mom every 3 months to ask him about his update.

When he had the gut to say MOVE ON to me in January, he should have the guts to say NO to be before. May be he just wanted to linger things on until we found out the truth of divorce about him. Grrrrrr.

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Re: Very Very COMPLEX rishta situation

Lollllzzz... May be... I was not obsessing about it. We have stopped discussing this matter at home. I justed wanted to vent out so I posted it here. Everyone should know how BAD people can be in this world and may be someone else can learn from my story.

We have learnt many things. Now my mom asks the first question regarding every guy: Divorcee tau nahi hai :D

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Re: Very Very COMPLEX rishta situation

True. Nice thoughts. Thnx hun.

I dun know what more bad things will happen to me although I am only going through my family in arranged setting :(

I really need everyone's prayers. :)

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Re: Very Very COMPLEX rishta situation

His mom insitially had objection that we were NOT punjabi as they were. But he made her agree. May be he was extremely over excited initially which made his mom oppose me. His mom and aunty told my mom that it is the guy who will decide on the girl. He insisted on talking to me before his mom could talk to me mom through video chat and he seemed really excited when we invited his aunt and we all did video chat.

These things I am talking about were when we did NOT know about his divorce.

Ajeeb Khichri wali story hai ye tau :D

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Re: Very Very COMPLEX rishta situation

Good luck with your search but next time don't keep hopes on someone who is unsure himself. I think it's partly your moms fault for asking you to email him. If he suggested keeping in contact, you should have waited for him to contact you and ask for an update or else forget about it.

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Re: Very Very COMPLEX rishta situation

Whatever I have been doing, it was what my family wanted me to do as they were the ones who introduced me to him. It was my mom who decided that we can be in touch UNTIL anything was finalised on my side coz obviously everyone liked the proposal (we did not know about his divorce then). We met his aunty's family 2 times, we invited them on dinner, we had a video chat with his mom, phuppo, bro, him etc. His mom liked me a lot, called be BAHU, invited my mom over etc.

We did not have a HINT for straight 8 months about his divorce n kid and things were very flawless and spotless until we found his profile on matrimonial site. We have never been waiting for him and have been considering other proposals and things have NOT proceeded anywhere. So, this proposal was kinda HOPE for my family.

When we found about his divorce, it was obviously a NO from my side.

But this experience has affected me pshychologically since I (and my family) have now MORE fear of people. If such a nice, educated and decent family and guy can do this to us, whom else should we trust :(

Explicitly, this was one dream proposal anyone could get until we found about his divorce and the thing is WHY did he lie to us. Being a US citizen, he cud get a never married girl easily who is dying to shift to US.

He knew we had whole lot of relatives and we cud easily do an inquiry for him before finalising anything. None of his or his family's behaviour was suspicious ever. Besides there were some mutual friends of his aunt in UAE whom we also know. Everything seemed so flawless that time.

This is one case which can let us know know the complex behaviour of human being and simple and straight forward people like us can hardly get to know about these people.

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Re: Very Very COMPLEX rishta situation

Yeah may be. She is one desperate mom these days always depressing about my rishta thing. Thanks for your wishes. I need your prayers :)

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Re: Very Very COMPLEX rishta situation

I guess your family got a little too excited. Anyway, like everyone, I would just suggest that let it go and keep looking for more ppl. I think you really need to tell yourself this is over, block him, and move on. InshahAllah, you will find the right one. ameen

Also, moms are desperate, that is what your mom will do until you are married. It is just natural and you just have to deal with it.

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Re: Very Very COMPLEX rishta situation

I am trying my level best to deal with my mom's desperation. Thanks for your prayers :) But I really really dread people now :(

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Re: Very Very COMPLEX rishta situation

Move on may be Allah has saved from something. Feelings that he was the best proposal will fade away with time and till you find your life partner. Some relationships are just not meant to be if Allah wanted it to happen no body could have stopped Him and I believe this relationship was not approved by Allah so just move on.

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Re: Very Very COMPLEX rishta situation

Yeah I am trying to move on. Considering other proposals. Have been considering other proposals even when this thing was going on. But this experience has made us learn many things. Thanks for your kind word :)

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Re: Very Very COMPLEX rishta situation

I was telling in the other thread to marry someone you guys actually know, rather than just some stranger who has to be in the US, whose only information you have from facebook, myspace and matrimonial websites. This dude is a perfect example; you cant take such risks in your life.

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Re: Very Very COMPLEX rishta situation

I think you're making too big a deal about this and being way too melodramatic.

Every dude (and girl) has the right to change their mind about things.

Get over it, quit with the filmi dialogue and move on with your life.

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Re: Very Very COMPLEX rishta situation

Erm cuz u allowed for to happen to u… See this is what irks me about arranged set up…its like a meat market… Keep everyone intrested…have lists of men or women that are potential rishtas… Ek nahi kaam aya, doosra nikaalo…

Jesus man… You guys even kept this guy as ure safety net just in acse nothing materializes with other rishtas… Does anyone else see the desperation in that?

Its like u throw out a net in a sea full of potentials and instead of going through them one by one… A bunch get played with at the same time… And we r talkin about something serious as MARRIAGE here… OKAY then :rolleyes:

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Re: Very Very COMPLEX rishta situation

I know. But my mom told me these things happen in arranged settings when guys families return to the girl’s families like after a year or two to see if the girl is still available. I do not know about this rishta setting since I have been brought up abraod. So had to do whatever my family wanted me to do. And yes, because of the time this rishta lingered on, and no more decent proposals coming along, I found myself get attached to this guy. My mistake :frowning: Since this guy himself wanted us to keep him in reserve, we did that. But it should not have happened.

But I am really finding courage to make myself believe that this guys must not be good enough for me and hope someone better soon comes along :slight_smile:

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Re: Very Very COMPLEX rishta situation

Yeah I am getting over it by venting out here and considering each and every reply here. Mom is considering some other proposals. Am just hoping for the best.

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Re: Very Very COMPLEX rishta situation

This proposal was through his aunt. We just cross checked his particulars from various web sites initially and everything seemed perfect then. His aunt and my mom also had mutual friends. So we never thought he would be a divorcee with a kid and they would hide this from us. Of course, my mom did not do any inquiry because it is supposed to be done later.

How to find someone whom we actually know? There was this uncle's son whom we knew and then again he was already involved with someone and simply rejected me coz of that. See known guys cannot always be shareef and available :p

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Re: Very Very COMPLEX rishta situation

He was just not the right guy for you. Move on... God must have something much better for. Remember, things happen for good, you will find it out someday sooner or later.