Very Very COMPLEX rishta situation

Lifestyle Relationships
41

Re: Very Very COMPLEX rishta situation

you can take a horse to water but you can't make the horse drink....

anyway, i have this friend who sends me all those annoying fwds since years now. i hope its not coz he wants to marry me..

42

Re: Very Very COMPLEX rishta situation

well first how do u know if hes divorced with a kid or not. If so,why wouldnt he come clear in the first place.And if the matrimonial site is just random stuff he has put up , so when you emailed saying "i know" he should have cleared his side.Hes dodgy and confusing, keep away from people who dont make sense to u.You can really find better ,so i would say move on.Theres plenty of fish for everyone.

43

Re: Very Very COMPLEX rishta situation

I have clearly mentioned to him that IF he is a divorcee, we are not interested in him. Do you really think guys can be that cheap to continue contacting the girl EVEN if she rejected him on some ground?

Guys r complex :O

44

Re: Very Very COMPLEX rishta situation

But he is NOT my friend and we only for this rishta purpose. If things do not work out, people move on and try never to contact each other IN ARRANGED SETTING...

45

Re: Very Very COMPLEX rishta situation

They CAN do that. but to them, it may not be THAT big a deal... cuz they are just forwarding mails. Like TLK said, it isnt necessarily a personal thing.

46

Re: Very Very COMPLEX rishta situation

if he is not your friend, why is he sending you forwards? are these forwards about arranged marriages, or friendly jokes? :hoonh:

47

Re: Very Very COMPLEX rishta situation

I know he is VERY confusing. This is one of a kind experience for me and for everyone.

I did my job to let him know that we KNOW about his divorce and kid. I have blocked him. Thats what I could do.

48

Re: Very Very COMPLEX rishta situation

You are having trouble trying to block him on Hotmail?

Try How to Block Senders and Emails on Hotmail: 3 Easy Ways

Also, you’re trying to find a reason to somehow cling on to to that guy even if you don’t think so. If you were over him, this would be a non-issue. There’s plenty of good advice in this thread. You just need to move on. Let it go and ignore.

49

Re: Very Very COMPLEX rishta situation

I feel that he full-out played you! Even if his mother did say no to you, would a man who likes a girl really just accept that and do nothing for it? Even the biggest-mama boy want to marry a girl he likes over the one his mother likes. I can understand if he didn't like anyone and went with Mum's choice, but he's telling you he likes you but has to marry someone else?

He kept you around and waiting because it may just be a appealing thing to do, psychologically. Ofcourse to remain the good-sweet-caring guys, he says things like "don't wait for me, go on with your life" yet he knows he's got a hold of you and is still holding onto you.

I don't think he lied about being divorced, I think he lied to you and your family. He must not be interested to begin with, otherwise he would start off with the truth. It's sort of hard to hide a kid and a divorce.

Regardless, I would have confronted him about this divorce but he could have just lied some more so you just saved your self some time and energy. Let it go and forget him. sometimes people do things that don't make sense but they do it just for the hell of doing it.

50

Re: Very Very COMPLEX rishta situation

What concerns me is that you somehow think just becuase he is divorced, him and his family by default are desperate, and cannot possibly conduct themselves in a classy and decent manner?

Sounds like you're grasping at straws because you're ego was shattered that a divorcee rejected you.

51

Re: Very Very COMPLEX rishta situation

Hun! I hope u get over this.
You are reading way too much between the lines. If he lied about his divorce (whether to u or on his matrimonial website) then u should just move on. You are focusing on the little issues like why he didnt delete u and his 1 forward e-mail per month... but the issue is way bigger than that. Please do not waste ur energy on something that is just not worth it. He is a divorcee and u know that ur not interested in a divorcee so just close that chapter of ur life and move on.
People just dont make themselves a divorcee on a matrimonial website.. they try to be as perfect and baggage-free as possible. Also, he did not argue with u when u e-mailed him that u knew about his divorce so that makes him look guilty.

52

Re: Very Very COMPLEX rishta situation

Now why would you think that?

I doubt you are over him
Block his mails....simple as that
& stop keeping tabs on him about msn or the matrimonial site etc....period

53

Re: Very Very COMPLEX rishta situation

I think only queer understood the situation correctly. He told you to move on so it doesn't matter anymore if he is or not divorced. Like others said you want this to work so you are trying to come up with excuses to his behaviour. I don't think he has done anything to still lead you on, fwd chain emails don't mean anything. You need to move on with your life.

54

Re: Very Very COMPLEX rishta situation

Although there's a possibility that this guy has lied about his divorce and child....and while he's leading you on.........I found myself feeling more irritated with YOU (because of your naivete and lack of self-respect) than with him. Don't make the mistake of putting your life on hold for someone who is wishy-washy. Stop all contact with him....move on. Stopping contact means that you need to block him from contacting you and not respond to his contacts. It will be hard at first...but eventually the intensity of the pain will decrease....and you will be able to look at other rishtas with a more open mind. You can even find someone better than him. Also you need to have the maturity to reflect over your own mistakes.

I think the root of the problem here is YOU and how you don't respect yourself. A woman who respects herself would want a guy who is serious about her and is honest with her. She wouldn't settle for anything less than that....and she would "move on" when the guy has rejected her. And please don't tell me that he never rejected you. It's not easy for people to reject others.....so they make excuses like "my parent's don't want this"......"I'm not ready for a relationship"......"you deserve better than me"...etc. You can't control this guy but you can wake up and grab control of your life.

55

Re: Very Very COMPLEX rishta situation

^ Yup

^ Yup

I think its funny that you think he is showing a divorced girl to his parents so they can see how much better you are compared to her. :cb:

Listen, divorced people have standards too. And at times, much higher than yours might be because they dont have time for bewaqoofiyan. They only want smart people who are NOT LIMITED in thought or experience. He probably met you, thought you were okay, didnt have the heart to outright tell you NO so he told you he would be in touch.

You need to take a hint and let it go.

56

Re: Very Very COMPLEX rishta situation

There is nothing complex about this rishta situation. He is divorced. He has a child. He doesnt like you.

When people have kids, they have to think even more carefully about the kind of spouses they choose to marry...its not just a matter of them anymore...it also involves their child. He may have thought you're not the person he wants around his kid.

If a man wants you, you WILL know about it. You dont need to guess about anything or figure out what this means or that means...blah blah blah.

57

Re: Very Very COMPLEX rishta situation

These emails are usually on Islamic topics also forwarded to the whole of this khandan along with me. He never did forward any email when I had kept on 2 chats and we used to see each other online, although not chat. I only contacted through email and that too when my asked me to and he always replied to the emails.

His behaviour seemed to be that of a normal guy who might be taking some time to make his mom agree for his choice of girl until the time he asked me to move on (and that too when we emailed him, he did not send this MOVE ON email on his own) and until the time we found about his profile as divorcee which was made 4 months before he finally asked me to move on.

How could he put up a profile on the web site as divorcee when he was lying to me about his status (I told him that my rishta wali aunty also considering guys for me from the web site, so he knew we COULD get to know about his divorce from there) when he wanted me to keep him the loop about any progress on my side.

58

Re: Very Very COMPLEX rishta situation

He and his family had NOT acted in a decent manner if they lied about his divorce to us. No I am not shattered that he rejected. My family in any case is not willing to marry me off with a divorcee.

59

Re: Very Very COMPLEX rishta situation

So, you are the one who kept contacting him! Maybe he didn't want to say NO out right and thought you would get the hint. You are making this complex when it really isn't.

60

Re: Very Very COMPLEX rishta situation

Aray baba what I had been doing was what my family asked me to do. Everyone of us failed to read his behaviour correctly. YES, I have lost all my self-respect in the arranged setting where I am asked to consider every guy irrespective of his age, education, family background etc. So when this guy came, he was perfect in everything (we did not know about his divorce then). It was obvious I wanted things to move ahead here. We got haan from then, his mom called me BAHU, invited my mom to her home in Pak, everything was going so smooth. When I told him to clear things up as I did not want to linger things on, he immediately flied to Pak via UAE (for one week only) and met us and said he was going to talk to his mom. He also told me then that his mom was showing him another girl. But he would talk to her about us. Then he called me from Pak, we cudn't talk coz of line disturbance. When he returned to US, he clearly told us that his mom was interested somewhere else but he was interested in me so he wanted to be in touch.

We had been considering other proposals keeping this guy aside but things did not materialise anywhere. Everyone in my family said there was no harm in keeping him in chats. But we again emailed him in January and then only he asked me to move on.

So u see that the situation led me to have interest in him. When he asked me to move on, I did without even asking him a question. It was he who asked me about the possibility of finalising things anytime soon which I told him that these things take time. But then I just removed him from chats and thought he would also do the same.

The chapter was closed for me and my family until he started sending the forward emails and we saw his divorcee profile. May be it was Allah SWT's way to tell me why he did not choose this proposal for me. But being a human being, thoughts come to your mind WHY and HOW did this happen to me :(