Very complicated & weird proposal experience..need girls advice

PeshawarKameez · April 15, 2015, 7:26pm

Re: Very complicated & weird proposal experience..need girls advice

do they even exist?

Monk · April 15, 2015, 7:40pm

Re: Very complicated & weird proposal experience..need girls advice

GS :nono:

pak2015 · April 15, 2015, 7:52pm

Re: Very complicated & weird proposal experience..need girls advice

PeshawarKameez:

where do I begin…?

firstly what is it with doctors wanting to marry fellow doctors? how on earth are the two of you even going to make time for each other when you are both on call?

but whatever…

secondly the irony of a US citizen being shocked by an overly sexualised pakistani - lol its usually the other way around. but yeah don’t be too shocked by a woman - even one living in pakistan still - being very open to viewing porn. shes still human at the end of the day and in todays day and age with everyone and their dog having access to pornography don’t be too surprised that even people in pakistan are viewing it so openly

in regards to the I never get jealous statement - lol wow even that affected you. you do know that in world full of 7 billion people not every single woman will be the same. its not hard to believe that there are some types out there who do never get jealous. i also consider myself to be one of those types, just never really saw the point in getting jealous of anything, doesn’t make a difference at all. alternatively it could just be something that she is saying to keep you on your toes. its more of a challenge for you that way, to try and get her to care about you.

you said ‘Why don’t people understand that marriage is about both husband and wife having to compromise and sacrifice for each other? Nothing wrong with doing for each other’ despite the fact that your entire post was full of everything you wanted HER to do for you and nothing about what you did for her in return. what compromises were you going to make for her, what sacrifices? You wanted her to:

be a doctor
be good looking
get on with you
be a little bit jealous
obviously when the two of you get married she will be making the biggest sacrifise on earth by leaving her country, family and friends to move to your part of the world and live with you and your family
and now on top of all that you also openly made it clear that you don’t like the way she dresses too?

sure you might not have been controlling but you still bought it up? and i suppose you did have the right to mention it but tell me - has she ever told you something about you that she wants you to change? did she ever say she didn’t like that way you dressed and asked you to change it? did she ever ask you to make any changes?

you sound like yet another typical boy ‘i want, i want, but i dont want to give anything in return’ and she sounds like a typical 21st century woman - hard working, smart, empowered, independent and especially a free spirit.
she wants to do her own thing, live her own way and dress how she wants without people criticizing her freedom to do so.

so thats what the problem was here. girls are changing and guys don’t like it, they all want to go back to the olden days when women were restricted to the kitchen and she took orders from her husband and dressed the way he told her to dress and lived the way he wanted her to live. don’t hold your breath bud, pakistani or non-pakistani, beautiful or butt-ugly, most 21st century girls are FINALLY learning that we don’t need to live in an oppressed society!

Haha are you my ex??

So much wrong in your post, don’t even know where to start but I’ll keep it simple.

She was being a doctor before she met me–so she isn’t doing that for me
She was planning on leaving her country and family and friends to train here before she met me and is still planning do that even after ending it with me–she wasn’t doing this for me
She was good looking before she met me–she wasn’t doing this for me.
And now getting it on with significant other is also a compromise?? Lol ok…

I didn’t ask her to compromise anything of substance except not to act single while being in a commited relationship. Now that’s a compromise too huh..

And this has become a long thread so you probably didn’t read the other posts but like I said in my original post I was always willing to sacrifice for her also and explicitly told her that we will keep it balanced. She asked me not to go to halloween parties and some other parties, asked me not to go out to dinner because there would be a lot of girls in the group. And yes I didnt go or view it as controlling if it would make her feel uncomfortable–why would i, parties and other people dont mean anything to me, she meant a lot to me.

PeshawarKameez · April 15, 2015, 8:08pm

Re: Very complicated & weird proposal experience..need girls advice

pak2015:

Haha are you my ex??

So much wrong in your post, don’t even know where to start but I’ll keep it simple.

She was being a doctor before she met me–so she isn’t doing that for me
She was planning on leaving her country and family and friends to train here before she met me and is still planning do that even after ending it with me–she wasn’t doing this for me
She was good looking before she met me–she wasn’t doing this for me.
And now getting it on with significant other is also a compromise?? Lol ok…

I didn’t ask her to compromise anything of substance except not to act single while being in a commited relationship. Now that’s a compromise too huh..

And this has become a long thread so you probably didn’t read the other posts but like I said in my original post I was always willing to sacrifice for her also and explicitly told her that we will keep it balanced. She asked me not to go to halloween parties and some other parties, asked me not to go out to dinner because there would be a lot of girls in the group. And yes I didnt go or view it as controlling if it would make her feel uncomfortable–why would i, parties and other people dont mean anything to me, she meant a lot to me.

meh alright, sorry that it didn’t work out for you but no it has nothing to do with that fact that she is pakistani or good looking. there was just something wrong with her.

Theorist · April 15, 2015, 8:28pm

Re: Very complicated & weird proposal experience..need girls advice

Paa_Jee:

Man girls these days consider marriage a JOKE. They think that the guy has to be prince in shinning armor, the guy has to be polite and bend to the rules, the guy must do everything. And what they have to do is just be a woman and have their sexual innuendos subtlety list in the guise or marriage. Ok im sorry if i offend some women here. But women these days take marriage as a leverage for sexual advantage which will be given to the guy. I know I can have sex with my wife. But that’s not the only reason I married her! Dont be a wife just for sex be a wife for the sake of being a wife. A girl once told me that she was marrying this CEO 15 years her senior and he was buying her a house and a car and the whole shabang and when I asked her what she was giving her she blatantly pointed at her body and said “this”. Marriage has become an exchange of a good time. White people do it best, they just take the word marriage out of their relationship. And then Allah allah khair sallah.

Don’t let these girls scare you away from marriage. I don’t know where you guys find these gold diggers. I have yet to meet one in person. You are doing something wrong that is attracting wrong type of girls. I know zero women in my circle who think like this about marriage. They are all hard working women whether they are working wives or housewives. I don’t know a single woman personally who takes her husband for granted.

Paa_Jee · April 15, 2015, 8:35pm

Re: Very complicated & weird proposal experience..need girls advice

Theyre found all over naswaar mines.

strangeworld · April 15, 2015, 9:14pm

Re: Very complicated & weird proposal experience..need girls advice

It’s still under discussion

PyariCgudia · April 16, 2015, 12:28am

Re: Very complicated & weird proposal experience..need girls advice

Someone suggested I comment.

I don’t even know where to begin.

Let me just say that THIS poster is the run of the mill average desi guy out there on the rishta market, and needless to say, shows how men in the community have miles to go before they can call themselves real men looking for responsible relationships that end in marriages.

When we say guys aren’t serious, this is what we mean.

To the OP, I suggest you do some soul searching, figure out what qualities in a woman are important to you, and only start looking after you’ve improved yourself as a person and gotten a reality check about values in life. This need to go for a female doctor confuses me. That too a doctor from Pakistan. For what? Are you looking for status? Are you looking for assumptions that the girl is automatically bholi bhali si because she was in medical training? Because like those girls are automatically angels? Like there aren’t single female doctors here? Go to any ISNA event (yes, you might have to fork up some cash and fly somewhere), and you’ll see LINES of female doctors at these events. And they’re not trashy people. Go to an APPNA event, you will meet young girls there too. Try the YPN networking events.

But again, I’d do all this after I improve myself, if I was a guy like you.

And it does not surprise me that this guy is getting zero heat for what he did. Tables turned, and if I told such a story, I’d be getting -*** on here by all the desi aunties till the day I got put in my grave.

Paheli00 · April 16, 2015, 2:13am

Re: Very complicated & weird proposal experience..need girls advice

Are you serious?!

pak2015 · April 16, 2015, 2:44am

Re: Very complicated & weird proposal experience..need girls advice

PyariCgudia:

Someone suggested I comment.

I don’t even know where to begin.

Let me just say that THIS poster is the run of the mill average desi guy out there on the rishta market, and needless to say, shows how men in the community have miles to go before they can call themselves real men looking for responsible relationships that end in marriages.

When we say guys aren’t serious, this is what we mean.

To the OP, I suggest you do some soul searching, figure out what qualities in a woman are important to you, and only start looking after you’ve improved yourself as a person and gotten a reality check about values in life. This need to go for a female doctor confuses me. That too a doctor from Pakistan. For what? Are you looking for status? Are you looking for assumptions that the girl is automatically bholi bhali si because she was in medical training? Because like those girls are automatically angels? Like there aren’t single female doctors here? Go to any ISNA event (yes, you might have to fork up some cash and fly somewhere), and you’ll see LINES of female doctors at these events. And they’re not trashy people. Go to an APPNA event, you will meet young girls there too. Try the YPN networking events.

But again, I’d do all this after I improve myself, if I was a guy like you.

And it does not surprise me that this guy is getting zero heat for what he did. Tables turned, and if I told such a story, I’d be getting -*** on here by all the desi aunties till the day I got put in my grave.

I don’t know what you’re talking about, basically every female poster destroyed me rather harshly on this thread including you lol

I won’t bother trying to respond to the other comments and judgements you made but thanks for the advice

aqua70 · April 16, 2015, 2:53am

Re: Very complicated & weird proposal experience..need girls advice

@pak2015 PCG is a doctor too you know! :halo:

pak2015 · April 16, 2015, 2:54am

Re: Very complicated & weird proposal experience..need girls advice

Hahah oh no..

Paheli00 · April 16, 2015, 2:56am

Re: Very complicated & weird proposal experience..need girls advice

Yep. Doctor, Pakistani, single and looking, and in the U.S.

redvelvet · April 16, 2015, 3:08am

Re: Very complicated & weird proposal experience..need girls advice

It’s amazing how many times the OP has had to both repeat and clarify himself to a few posters who have formed rather hasty and unnecessarily gung-ho conclusions…possibly because they did not read through the OP’s posts carefully or perhaps they mainly read the posts of respondents. I think sometimes we end up turning away new members from GS altogether just by the tone of responses. And I’ve seen it happen a few times where a newcomer has actually said that they won’t be returning only after their first experience on the forum.

Some of the words being used are kinda extreme…for instance, oppression. If wearing a dupatta is oppression, then I guess each and every time that either our mothers or fathers have requested us to wear a dupatta or to wear clothing that is a little bit looser falls under oppression too. Why not be consistent and apply that label to other relations as well? How tight or form-fitting the kurta was…we would have no idea…as none of us saw the pictures. Some outfits will warrant a dupatta more than others.

Maybe imposing upon your fiancee to wear a saari or a burkah in a society where such apparel is not the norm…might fall under oppression. But in a country and culture where the dupatta is worn by practically every female…I wouldn’t call that oppression. And if it is going to be seen as such, then what other compromises would we be unwilling to make for a spouse? For those who are arguing that she was not his wife, well compromises don’t begin only after the nikkah has taken place…or only after two people start living under one roof. When you have the merging of two different families…both with different ways of doing things…both trying to work together to make a wedding happen…even the planning of such an event requires compromise from both sides. So, compromise starts earlier…not only after a nikkah. And if two people can’t yield over the little things earlier on…then what’s the point of going through with it all? Also…let’s put Pakistan and the West and boyfriends/fiances/husbands and dupattas aside for a moment. To dress in a way that does not define your body parts is an Islamic adjunction…it’s not a ruling that was invented by one’s dad or brother or SO or husband. And I don’t understand why women’s liberation or modernity or progress starts and ends with the shedding of clothes…even if it’s just one article. Another way to define oppression or even hypocrisy for that matter…is to impose on someone rules that you do not follow yourself. OP has mentioned time and time and time and time again that his gf had asked him to stop socializing with other females and he obliged…she refused to do the same for him.

The other thing is that OP has repeated many times that he had made mistakes. He did so in the very first post. And yes, he IS at fault to an extent as well. But he has also said good things about his ex. It’s kinda ironic…that he can still manage to think/speak well about his ex despite her breaking up with him…whereas some members here are being rather harsh. He’s maintained a calm tone despite the condescension. Sometimes we don’t let people catch a break here.

pak2015 · April 16, 2015, 3:09am

Re: Very complicated & weird proposal experience..need girls advice

Haha guess I’ll be seeing her at one of those ISNA events then…I’ll be one of the run of the mill average desi guys

Southie · April 16, 2015, 3:28am

Re: Very complicated & weird proposal experience..need girls advice

.

Life01 · April 16, 2015, 3:39am

Re: Very complicated & weird proposal experience..need girls advice

You were both on different pages, just were not on the same page. Full-stop.

PyariCgudia · April 16, 2015, 3:05pm

Re: Very complicated & weird proposal experience..need girls advice

You won’t bother to respond because you have no explanation for your actions other than you’re after status and you’re quite interested in acting on impulses than making smart decisions for your future and your future family.

akaprincess · April 16, 2015, 3:41pm

Re: Very complicated & weird proposal experience..need girls advice

Paa_Jee:

Man girls these days consider marriage a JOKE. They think that the guy has to be prince in shinning armor, the guy has to be polite and bend to the rules, the guy must do everything. And what they have to do is just be a woman and have their sexual innuendos subtlety list in the guise or marriage. Ok im sorry if i offend some women here. But women these days take marriage as a leverage for sexual advantage which will be given to the guy. I know I can have sex with my wife. But that’s not the only reason I married her! Dont be a wife just for sex be a wife for the sake of being a wife. A girl once told me that she was marrying this CEO 15 years her senior and he was buying her a house and a car and the whole shabang and when I asked her what she was giving her she blatantly pointed at her body and said “this”. Marriage has become an exchange of a good time. White people do it best, they just take the word marriage out of their relationship. And then Allah allah khair sallah.

These are the girls who think marriage is a business deal, with nothing else attached. I personally know a few girls like this. one of them, when she meets a guy, one of the first things she asks is what he does for a living etc, not out of conversation etc or cuz she is interested, but so she can gauge how much he makes cuz who cares about love when you have a bank balance? She doesn’t think the emotional attachment can get anybody anywhere, so everything else (on paper) has to be good instead.
Another girl (pakistani), she is married with a kid, and thinks of her husband as a roommate - this was a marriage with a white/asian boy, so obviously not arranged btw. Her kid is a tax deduction to her.

so, yes, there are girls like that, but they are not ALL like that. there are some who actually beleive in a marriage, and everything that comes with it. someone who will love you, care for you, be your companion. however, you just have to keep on treading till you find her. Don’t let a few bad ones ruin it for you. I almost did that (cuz of jerks I kept meeting), and I am glad I didn’t !

Sady · April 16, 2015, 3:55pm

Re: Very complicated & weird proposal experience..need girls advice

I find it hard to believe that the girl sent her pictures herself. I think he asked for them and she happily obliged. Same for watching porn. I have not seen a girl yet who would be so keen on showing her body pictures to some guy or watch porn with who wants to marry her WITHOUT HIM ASKING HER TO.

I have seen only guys initiating such ideas.

Why would he tell us that he was the one asking her those things? Who would give him serious advice in that case instead of insults?