Very complicated & weird proposal experience..need girls advice

Lifestyle Relationships
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Re: Very complicated & weird proposal experience..need girls advice

Nah no point, I don’t want to marry a girl if this is how quickly she ends it even after doing everything and getting parents involved. Although our arguments did becone draining, nothing major happened that would have warranted her ending it the way it ended. No trust left. I’m just venting because I wasted 8 months and foolishly invested so much on someone. I just posted on this forum to see how other girls would perceive me in this situation and whether my requests were truly that abnormal that they would warrent ending it with ones boyfriend/future husband.

When I look back, I’m relieved it ended.

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Re: Very complicated & weird proposal experience..need girls advice

It was my first time looking for a rishta, thought doctor wife would be more understanding of my lifestyle career-wise. I won’t be restricting it to doctors only going forward. I care more about girls values, personality and her mindset.

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Re: Very complicated & weird proposal experience..need girls advice

Don’t you know a doctor can become a good trophy wife.
But then again its his preference.

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Re: Very complicated & weird proposal experience..need girls advice

Yea I used to think that same way only few months back. But now I am not so sure that I want my SO to be of the same profession as me. it would get helluva boring and annoying when both me and her come back home and talk about how ****ty we were treated by patients and then cry ourselves to bed

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Re: Very complicated & weird proposal experience..need girls advice

  1. I honestly think you are a very image-conscious person. You seem to have a heavy emphasis on your wife being a doctor. Although it sounds nice to hear about yourself that ‘dono mian bivi doctor hain’, in actuality, it is much harder to manage. If your wife is a doctor working 8-5, then it is very likely you will have to outsource many of the traditional ‘housewife’ duties like childcare, housecleaning, cooking, etc. to someone else. Would this be alright with you? It might be easier to have a more traditional breakdown…as they say in economics, specialization creates efficiency.

  2. That is SOO WEIRD for her to send you a link like that!! Especially three weeks after starting to talk!! Honestly, that would bring up red flags right away…the fact that you continued on for SEVEN MORE MONTHS…shows me that you are trying to paint her as badmaash when you were both on the same level.

  3. Ok she might be a social media hoe, or she might just be popular…but anyway…she was open about this aspect from the beginning. I think now that she ended this, you are heartbroken, and thinking if it was real, how was she over it so fast? Maybe you’ll just dismiss her as a bad character girl or whatever to make yourself feel better…maybe she is…who knows…I think you need to check yourself first (are you expecting too much?? how many girls have approached you??) and then also not waste EIGHT MONTHS with the wrong girl!! Honestly, you could have known that she was not a match one month in.

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Re: Very complicated & weird proposal experience..need girls advice

There are girls like that here and in Pakistan. I had a similar experience with a girl who had her head up her ass. She thought extremely highly of herself as well. We had our parents involved in the Rishta talks and I was determined to make it work. I even went out on a date with her. Made sure I was polite and everything was basically fine. I had no idea what was the girl’s issue but she would never initiate contact on her own. She would text maybe once every 2 or 3 weeks. This made super uncomfortable. I’m not an ugly guy, I consider myself a catch If i say so myself. But this girl man I have no idea up until this point what her problem was. She stopped literally stopped talking to me after we went on a date. I contacted her again and her lame excuse was always, “oh i’m super busy” she’s studying to become an accountant for crying out loud. You’re not a goddam micro quantum physicist that you’re always busy. Trust me man, she had her pics all over her Facebook and everywhere. You and I both dodged a bullet man. My parents wanted to contact her parents and find out why she had done that. I told them no, if she doesn’t want anything to do with me then fudge it. To each his own. Make sure you marry the girl who loves you more than anything.

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Re: Very complicated & weird proposal experience..need girls advice

  1. Yeah you can say I’m image conscious and I am not as open. I believe subtlety in aspects in life can be really classy. Although I’m clearly not there yet, I would like to at least strive to be classy and hope my wife has a similar mindset.

  2. I never said one bad word about this girl during this entire 6 page thread besides saying she was a bit immature and carefree. She was a kind, sweat hearted girl. I’m not trying to be a victim and I took equal blame in my OP for the mistakes I made. I was referring more to her response AFTER making the mistake–no remorse or feelings of guilt. To me that just shows she has a carefree nature which clashed with my nature.

  3. I was with her for 8 months because I was commited for the long haul. For me, what we did I viewed as intimacy between 2 individuals who loved each other and who had the intention of getting married and now that both of us made a commitment we would stick with it through the ups and downs (i was wrong). Everyone has character flaws even me–I liked the girl a lot and wanted to give her a chance for us to make it work instead of jumping to my own judgements and conclusions early on and just ending it despite some differences. I wasn’t stringing her along, I involved my own parents from beginning and talked to her mom and sibling as well. I was very serious about making the commitment and promises we had made to each other. I was committed to making it work, she is the one who gave up in the end over very minor things. And yes I have had many proposals and girls like me–she wasn’t first but I liked her out of the lot.

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Re: Very complicated & weird proposal experience..need girls advice

Yeah man sorry to hear she strung you along like that. It’s messed up. You’re completely right about finding the right girl who loves you more than anything. And when we find such a girl, we as men need to cherish her, respect her, and shower her with love–grab that opportunity and not mess it up. It’s very difficult to find these days.

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Re: Very complicated & weird proposal experience..need girls advice

Man girls these days consider marriage a JOKE. They think that the guy has to be prince in shinning armor, the guy has to be polite and bend to the rules, the guy must do everything. And what they have to do is just be a woman and have their sexual innuendos subtlety list in the guise or marriage. Ok im sorry if i offend some women here. But women these days take marriage as a leverage for sexual advantage which will be given to the guy. I know I can have sex with my wife. But that’s not the only reason I married her! Dont be a wife just for sex be a wife for the sake of being a wife. A girl once told me that she was marrying this CEO 15 years her senior and he was buying her a house and a car and the whole shabang and when I asked her what she was giving her she blatantly pointed at her body and said “this”. Marriage has become an exchange of a good time. White people do it best, they just take the word marriage out of their relationship. And then Allah allah khair sallah.

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Re: Very complicated & weird proposal experience..need girls advice

It seems like you’ve learned a lot and will approach the next rishta with a better perspective.

She’s not a hussy and you’re not controlling, but the two of you are different and seem to want to live very different kinds of lives. Attempts to negotiate and compromise would probably make one or both of you miserable. The things that bring your spouse happiness and pleasure and peace should not bother or trouble you. If they do, then you are not compatible. When you’re not compatible, you keep trying to control/change each other. You nag and pester and put restrictions on each other due to your own unhappiness. You don’t want to be that person, so pick your partner wisely. Being unhappily married can destroy you.

Finding a spouse should be about finding a partner for your life, someone you can see yourself making a home with. You don’t need to be the same person, but you should be able to communicate and work together and understand each other. Your instincts toward each other should not be of suspicion, but rather interest, curiosity, comfort.

Rest assured, BOTH of you WILL change, but not in the way either wants or expects. There will be difficult times as well as happy times, and hopefully the happy times will be many. Hopefully you will grow together, learning to understand each other, and will bring out the best in each other, in terms of kindness, wisdom, patience, and love.

I don’t personally understand the desire to restrict the search for a spouse based on professions, especially in this day and age, when people switch industries and careers depending on their skills, talents, interests, and needs. There are so many more important characteristics to consider as you look for someone to make a home with.

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Re: Very complicated & weird proposal experience..need girls advice

where do I begin…?

firstly what is it with doctors wanting to marry fellow doctors? how on earth are the two of you even going to make time for each other when you are both on call?

but whatever…

secondly the irony of a US citizen being shocked by an overly sexualised pakistani - lol its usually the other way around. but yeah don’t be too shocked by a woman - even one living in pakistan still - being very open to viewing porn. shes still human at the end of the day and in todays day and age with everyone and their dog having access to pornography don’t be too surprised that even people in pakistan are viewing it so openly

in regards to the I never get jealous statement - lol wow even that affected you. you do know that in world full of 7 billion people not every single woman will be the same. its not hard to believe that there are some types out there who do never get jealous. i also consider myself to be one of those types, just never really saw the point in getting jealous of anything, doesn’t make a difference at all. alternatively it could just be something that she is saying to keep you on your toes. its more of a challenge for you that way, to try and get her to care about you.

you said ‘Why don’t people understand that marriage is about both husband and wife having to compromise and sacrifice for each other? Nothing wrong with doing for each other’ despite the fact that your entire post was full of everything you wanted HER to do for you and nothing about what you did for her in return. what compromises were you going to make for her, what sacrifices? You wanted her to:

be a doctor
be good looking
get on with you
be a little bit jealous
obviously when the two of you get married she will be making the biggest sacrifise on earth by leaving her country, family and friends to move to your part of the world and live with you and your family
and now on top of all that you also openly made it clear that you don’t like the way she dresses too?

sure you might not have been controlling but you still bought it up? and i suppose you did have the right to mention it but tell me - has she ever told you something about you that she wants you to change? did she ever say she didn’t like that way you dressed and asked you to change it? did she ever ask you to make any changes?

you sound like yet another typical boy ‘i want, i want, but i dont want to give anything in return’ and she sounds like a typical 21st century woman - hard working, smart, empowered, independent and especially a free spirit.
she wants to do her own thing, live her own way and dress how she wants without people criticizing her freedom to do so.

so thats what the problem was here. girls are changing and guys don’t like it, they all want to go back to the olden days when women were restricted to the kitchen and she took orders from her husband and dressed the way he told her to dress and lived the way he wanted her to live. don’t hold your breath bud, pakistani or non-pakistani, beautiful or butt-ugly, most 21st century girls are FINALLY learning that we don’t need to live in an oppressed society!

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Re: Very complicated & weird proposal experience..need girls advice

Lol yep thats certainly my view on marriage too. and why not, seems like a perfectly good arrangement - she gets money and he gets to enjoy her body. i doubt hes unhappy with that arrangement…

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Re: Very complicated & weird proposal experience..need girls advice

Thats called having a sugar daddy…

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Re: Very complicated & weird proposal experience..need girls advice

I know, I want me a sugar daddy…

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Re: Very complicated & weird proposal experience..need girls advice

I rest my case…

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Re: Very complicated & weird proposal experience..need girls advice

I… never denied it in the first place uncle

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Re: Very complicated & weird proposal experience..need girls advice

Beta you need a good mature pathan.

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Re: Very complicated & weird proposal experience..need girls advice

This thread just took a whole new turn. :hehe:

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Re: Very complicated & weird proposal experience..need girls advice

wat

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Re: Very complicated & weird proposal experience..need girls advice

Yeah the respect for the institution of marriage has definitely seen a decline, even within our own culture and religion. With the advent of internet and social media (Facebook, Skype, Twitter, Instagram, Whatsapp, Viber, Gupshup, chatting, texting, video chat) the world is now truly flat and socializing with people has become so much easier, can do it 24/7 on phone, ipad, computer (and much easier to hide from parents also–before cell phones which recall only became widespread in early 2000s, girls and guy had to sneak on landlines phones to talk to each other or chat on MSN or AIM). Before the internet, people primarily married among their own community or school or from risthas recommended by relatives or close friends. While this still def occurs to a degree, men and women are less likely to stick with their commitments and promises knowing that there may be better options out there for them and that they can “easily” find them–thus, they are more likely to give up and move on during the “downs” of a relationship or for reasons even as minor as them “not feeling it anymore.”

Just look at the advice on all these threads and how easily people say “just move on, find someone else”, on occassion youll get mature advice encouraging the person to stick with it and try to work through with your husband/wife or fiance. Every marriage and relationship will have its up and downs–people need to be mature and sensible enough to realize that and that the grass is not always greener on the other side. But many do not understand this concept because it requires effort and sacrifice, and they THINK it’s just easier to end it and move on and find someone else. There are certain things that definitely warrant ending a relationship or moving on–if husband or wife is physically or verbally abusive, cheating or purposefully deceiving the partner for example. But ending relationships based on minor arguments, compromises or sacrifices or just because one thinks they can find better than what they have is such a terrible mindset for a person to have (whether it’s male or female).

Men were more like this–the difference now is that women are adopting the same mindset because of the reasons I mentioned above and because of their financial independence and the decrease in stigma associated with divorce. Now that both genders are adopting this mindset–we are seeing the decline of respect for committed relationships and the institution of marriage.