Re: Very complicated & weird proposal experience..need girls advice
Exactly! :k:
The hussy was the one sending the pics. All the guy did was look at them…each time she kept sending them. This makes the guy so much better than the girl. After all…what “decent educated man” does not continue to look at intimate pics sent to him by a girl he’s chatting with for a rishta purposes? Why would any Pakistani Muslim “decent educated man” immediately stop talking to a girl like this and not continue to consider her as a future wife? Duh!
Re: Very complicated & weird proposal experience..need girls advice
Someone sends me an indecent/private picture I delete it and never talk to them again (and smash my head against the keyboard because… No). I don’t know what your interpretation is but that’s how decent people behave.
Re: Very complicated & weird proposal experience..need girls advice
Through out 9 months, when she was sharing all the intimate pictures, watching porn with you, you considered her to be your wife and - chup kar kay mazay because of being the shareef, educated pappu that you are.
Now that the sl*t has dumped you and you dont understand why… All of a sudden, there are so many issues with her. But it’s never too late. It’s good that her family finally knocked some sense into her. And good for you that you’re finally discovering more and more personality/character issues that she had. You dont have a choice apart from discovering all that about her now, you see.
Re: Very complicated & weird proposal experience..need girls advice
I did tell my parents from the beginning. My parents knew about her. My mom talked to her over the phone as well. My mom even talked to her mother. I even talked to her mother and older sister. All nice, decent interactions. Obviously, I didn’t tell my parents or her family members about the red flags, I didn’t want to give her a bad name or reputation among my family nor did I want her to get in trouble with her family, although she clearly made me into a bad guy in her family’s eyes. But I’m not the type of guy to take revenge even if I felt wronged in the end. I was really respectful of her.
And I didn’t consider her a wife yet, yes I considered her to be in a committed relationship with me and was viewing her as a future wife based on us being committed to each other and based on the things she did. Obviously this was all conditional to us meeting in person and interacting in person.
The major blunder I did was that I loved her and got too serious with her when maybe she wasn’t as into me despite the sexual things she was doing. Yes I made mistakes too, I should have picked my battles more wisely and let some stuff go and stop the cycle of arguments that became unending near the end of our relationship but they were so minor and felt like they were so typical of men, its weird that she would end a relationship so easily after doing all that with me. She ended it because the discussions and arguments became too emotionally draining for her.
Sometimes I think she liked me because initially I was really entertaining for her, brought new excitement into her life and when it became too serious that’s when she eventually backed off–after involving her own parents (her dad was a bit against it but her mom was initially for it). She seriously reminded me of people who believe in the philosophical theory of Hedonism–“the theory that happiness should be pursued (that pleasure should be pursued and pain should be avoided)”, a “school of thought that argues that pleasure is the primary or most important intrinsic good. In very simple terms, a hedonist strives to maximize net pleasure (pleasure minus pain).” She based everything she did in life (whether right or wrong) based on “fun”–even when I asked her what her goals in life are, she told me very seriously that her goals in life are to have fun and enjoy life. While these are idealistic goals, all mature people know that life is not always fun, and fun should not be your 1st priority in life, one needs to keep it balanced and there will be some major ups and downs in life.
Re: Very complicated & weird proposal experience..need girls advice
Ohh… new twist to the story… So your mother was aware of your involvement with her that means you actually did take her seriously…
But I remember you saying that she told ya from the beginning that she was a ‘livin la vida loca’… If you were not her kind, you should have kept your distance. If you shared her ‘fun’ or wild side then I cannot say what made her change mind about you when as per your claim, you were not ‘controlling’ either.
“fun” ahhh… mention of this word on this website only reminds me of @funguy . May he RIP :teary1:
Re: Very complicated & weird proposal experience..need girls advice
A few things I’d like to point out:
LOTS of people nowadays don’t wear dupattas…recent fashion changes and the loose flowing shalwar kameez’s have made dupattas optional. I was recently sent an outfit by family in Pak and no dupatta was in there…just the style of the clothing makes it unnecessary.
Asking her to stop hanging around so many guys is not a bad thing but your timing was wayyyy off. You two had no solidified relationship…meaning she’s not your wife where you feel you can ask for lifestyle changes like that. You could have asked her if she’d be okay with it in the future.
What part of the US are you in where you cannot find Pakistani female docs? Ummm…the dilemma in the US right now is “qualified Muslim females cannot find qualified Muslim men”. Right off the bat, I can count off a few and they’re not even all in Chicago.
You seem conservative and that’s okay. You just need to understand that not everyone is raised conservatively even in Pakistan. Just the fact that she was IN Pakistan does not mean she’ll automatically understand your thinking.
Hope you find someone that works for you but please understand that BOTH of you dodged a bullet…not just you or her. You were just a bad fit. That’s all.
Re: Very complicated & weird proposal experience..need girls advice
Yeah I know I am wasting my time–couldn’t discuss these things openly with my family or friends so wanted to vent over an anonymous forum. Obviously, I haven’t completey gotten over her hence why I posted.
Weird wedding proposal–it was a ristha from a ristha aunty.
I just wanted a girl’s perspective in how they would view another girl’s actions and how they would view my actions because I know how most guys would answer. Clearly, most of the girls on here are implying that I’m very controlling. But after reading most of the girls answers on here, I’m even more scared about whether I’ll be able to find a right match…
Re: Very complicated & weird proposal experience..need girls advice
?? obviously I was taking her seriously thats why I was ignoring the red flags and thats why I haven’t gotten over her yet and am posting on anonymous forum. I sincerely wanted to marry her. And there is no new twist, I mentioned that both sides of the parents were involved in discussing marriage in my original post.
Re: Very complicated & weird proposal experience..need girls advice
As per her actions, I think she was too immature. From her actions, she does not sound like an MBBS but a freshie out of high school. As for you, considering that you did not OFFICIALLY declare your serious interest in marrying her for the knowledge of all the guys/girls/people who knew her, you were not in any position to exercise even a little bit of control over her. Like, tell her how to dress, who to meet/not meet.
Read post # 25 again. That I think is a good piece of advice.
I dont know her age and yours but judging from what you’re telling me, dont sound mature.
Re: Very complicated & weird proposal experience..need girls advice
Let me try to answer because cute girls deserve more time
Why I called him decent or educated but not an a hole. Following reasons:
1- He could have blackmailed her for those pictures and you don’t know what comes under that.
2- He could have slept with her for as long as he wanted without getting married.
3- He could have made those pictures public.
4- He could have taken away all that devilish charm she had and then throw her away like a used tissue paper.
Are these enough reasons for you? I can certainly think of some other if I’d think more.
He didn’t do any of those things. As far as being part of that thing for a short period of time is concerned he had a soft corner for her because he liked and cared for her.
I can say with confident that if there was a guy who was even slightly cracked he would’ve definitely gone for sex after seeing those photographs and he would have definitely taken advantage of her.
But in this case nothing like that happened.
Also see what the dude is talking about here.
“I was always willing to make compromises–that’s what marriage is all about. Later in the relationship, she also told me not to hang out with some of my female friends, or go to a halloween party and some other school parties, and she told me not to consider or contact the other proposals I was getting. I never did, never once made issue about it because those other girls don’t matter to me..she mattered to me the most. I really liked her and was my girlfriend. Her comfort is my comfort, her happiness is my happiness. If she objected to something I do, I would hear her out and try to get her view point and if it was even somewhat justified I didn’t do it for her sake and her comfort.”***
If you still not convinced it means you also wouldn’t mind sharing your nudes with a dude who really got your attention and you felt him serious about relationship in just 3 weeks time period.
Re: Very complicated & weird proposal experience..need girls advice
strangeworld is living upto his nick. Really strange views. I bet he’s posting from some small town in pakistan.
He is comparing scenarios what he might have done with the girl V/S what pak2015 did. That’s why he thinks it is all fair for the guys to ‘participate’ in all that they consider to be immoral for girls. Why am I not surprised? There are plenty aholes like strangeworld.
Re: Very complicated & weird proposal experience..need girls advice
I dont know what other people would do in that situation but I can tell from your posts that you would have published girl’s nude pictures in the paper/internet calling her all the names you already have. That’s how guys make things happen in Pakistan. They’re soo smart… like you :k:
Thanks bro for your perspective…definitely interesting to see how the girls are viewing this vs. how guys are viewing it. My guy friends had same reaction as you as well.
I thought I was being very good to her—didn’t even demand her to change those things like some guys would, I had civil discussions with her about them and whether she would be okay with adjusting those otherwise minor things about her to avoid any misunderstandings in the future. They were never demands that I imposed on her. I don’t think girls realize how bad some guys can actually be. In fact, she had a guy who liked her but she didn’t like him and he threatened to ruin her reputation with her future husband by threatening to spread false rumors about her–a story that she shared with me, I didn’t take too much interest in it and ignored it but another potential red flag. She was definitely very careless for sending me pictures like that BUT I would never destroy someones life like that by ruining her reputation or sharing those pictures with her family or anyone even if she did me wrong–guys do this often if they felt wronged by the girl. But I believe what goes around comes around..
These girls are trying to prove that ‘hussy’ a good woman and a woman of good character which is funny. You did the right thing and I would say you’ve some balls to control yourself in that difficult situation.
A girl you find super attractive with that you’ve feelings for her and you didn’t use her. Salute you!
Very few men like you are out there and don’t listen to what these women are crying about be content and feel strong about your personality as there’s nothing wrong with you at all.
Re: Very complicated & weird proposal experience..need girls advice
I would actually prefer that this stuff comes to forefront beforehand actually. After baat paki it’s really hard to break up when the whole family is invested. I have a friend whose fiance hunted down all her pictures on Facebook and made people take down her pics. Another friend’s ex husband deleted all her male friends including her professors. I also don’t let people tag my photos or let them be put up unless I’m reassured they’re private but if some guy decided to do that for me I would back away from that person immediately because possessive is kind of creepy. I’m sure there are girls out who won’t mind (my friend did marry her guy) so he’s made for them and not me. It’s as simple as that. The niqaabi girls I knew in A levels got married to the painchay unchay guys and backless choli girls are now married to guys who put up their wives’ pictures on their Facebook pages in those backless cholis. There are people put there for everyone. Just don’t turn them into a diy project and get the big questions out of the way first.
Re: Very complicated & weird proposal experience..need girls advice
I’m not sure why you felt the need to explain this but whatever. I hope explaining this made you feel better.
Of course! Any woman who does not agree with you MUST be a hussy just like the girl OP chatted with! That is the ONLY objective and reasonable conclusion.
