Shehman, to reduce making this complicated , I suggest , you give her a call a day or two later ... make sure you call her and not meet her ... tell her that you appreciate her feelings , however family is important to you and you will not be making any decisions that go against them or can create rifts in your relationship with your family.
Also let her know that for you she is nothing more then a friend.
do this politely but ensure your tone is not giving out any other messages ...
After that stop taking her calls , or reduce taking her calls until you completely stop .
My take is that this girl definitely has some issues and even if you give into pressure right now, this is heading the disaster way.
Simply ignore her and move on after letting her know one final time ... and no more meetings no matter what, or else I can possibly see this heading to emotional atyachaar .... ( eg: individuals like thse go to the lengths of saying i will comit suicide etc etc and put you in a very very tight spot )
hmmmm i dont think she has low self-esteem... i can totally see how she believed things would work out.
If a girl has devoted that much time to a guy... emails, chat, phone and then finally meeting up... u should really have known what u were getting urself into.
Girls dont operate the same as guys.. and it really has nothing to do with sel-esteem.
you lead her on, simple
redvelvet, how can it be psyschological? i dont agree. I think thats tiny bit of a harsh assumption. I know MANY people, both guys and girls who have been in similar situations... and really, it got nothing with being lop-sided in the head..
*hmmmm i dont think she has low self-esteem... i can totally see how she believed things would work out. *
*If a girl has devoted that much time to a guy... emails, chat, phone and then finally meeting up... u should really have known what u were getting urself into. *
Girls dont operate the same as guys.. and it really has nothing to do with sel-esteem.
you lead her on, simple
redvelvet, how can it be psyschological? i dont agree. I think thats tiny bit of a harsh assumption. I know MANY people, both guys and girls who have been in similar situations... and really, it got nothing with being lop-sided in the head..
just another thing... u said SHE forced u to meet up with her...
fine
she never forced u to email her constantly, chat to her... or even spend time texting. U should have seen where it was heading before meeting up.
Im sorry for being judgemental, but ive seen way too many episodes like this and then it all comes down to the other person being psychotic or watever. No it has nothing to do with that. Any sane person would think one was interested in them if they are gettng that much attention..
well i think you do have some kind of feeling for her....but the only thing you are woried is that she is not muslim...
well what you can do is tell her if she wants to be with you than she have to become a muslim...and tell her all the the things which are not alloweded in islam...like covering your body ....eating halal etc
well if she really loves you than she will agree....and yea i am saying this because after reading your post , i think you d have some feeling for her or else you would have changed your number right away ...
If the religious and cultural difference was such an issue for you and your family, why did you waste yours and her time to begin with? Yeah, she sounds super clingy but don't try to play victim here. You clearly led her on well and good.
hmmmm i dont think she has low self-esteem... i can totally see how she believed things would work out.
If a girl has devoted that much time to a guy... emails, chat, phone and then finally meeting up... u should really have known what u were getting urself into.
Girls dont operate the same as guys.. and it really has nothing to do with sel-esteem.
you lead her on, simple
redvelvet, how can it be psyschological? i dont agree. I think thats tiny bit of a harsh assumption. I know MANY people, both guys and girls who have been in similar situations... and really, it got nothing with being lop-sided in the head..
Sadzzz,
I never said that it IS psychological. I only said that it "could" be psychological. I was only suggesting a possibility...not a definite cause. You've read too far into what I said to accuse me of being harsh. The word psychological is so broad.......that it can apply to our moods and social interactions that take place on a daily basis. Our psyche/mental state plays a role in how we feel and relate to others.
Also, we don't know about this girl's background. Perhaps there were problems in her upbringing that led to fear of abandonment issues. Perhaps she was in a previous relationship that didn't work out......and she's latching on to the poster as a "rebound" to fill an emotional void. Or perhaps as you suggested........she developed strong feelings for him during her frequent interactions with the poster while he led her on.
I did say that her reaction seemed "unstable". I don't think this is a harsh word, Sadzzz. Many of us.....even the best of us....... have become unglued....or temporarily "unstable" when we are extremely angry or hurt or vulnerable.
Also.......I never said that being in psychological turmoil (even temporarily) had to do with being "lop-sided in the head". I never implied that at all. One can be quite NORMAL IN THE HEAD and experience psychological turmoil due to a tragedy, problems in life, or upbringing.
Its gd that u have realised that theres no point to this relationship as your parents wont accept it and are stopping before it goes too far....its good you are respecting your parents......u shud never have spoken to her on the net if you knew she was non-muslim and if you knew nothing would ever come out of it as this may have led her on......but neways thats the past...
I suggest you explain 2 her the situation and how never ever can it work and therefore after 2day you wont ever speak to her..after this change your number and block her on the net...dont do it slowly...as this will lead her on more and give her more hope and may make it harder 4 her...sometimes its good to be brutally honest....
Same thing happens each time but still guys come post there problem here. Finger pointing has begun, shehman run away.
Tell her the truth and get it over with.
People can you stop bashing me here? How is it my fault if she is in love with me? And that too even before i realised it?
I have other females on my msn list, i dont love them nor do they have any feelings for me. We just talk casually and are just "friends" thats it. It's the same story with this girl. She had no feelings for me whatsoever up until we met. That is when she fall in love with me. She even told me that this happened so fast. She said " I dont know whats happening, i didnt know you will be so nice and now my love for you is getting deeper & deeper; i just cant imagine loosing you etc". Since yesterday i didnt talk to her. But she still texts me, calls me.
I dont have any feelings for her. She even told me shes ready to convert to islam for me but i still dont see any ray of hope in this relationship. I dont even know how i will be able to tell my parents about it. How will i face them? The only reason why i am worried about this is because she might do something wrong out of anger/desperation. You never know.
All she does is cry. cry & cry. When shes alone she goes soemwhere quite and thinks about me.
Ok let me tell you about her background; this is what she told me.
Her dad died when she young (10 yrs old ). Her mum brought her up. She moved to this country with her older sister few years ago. Her mom is still back home & she lives with her sister here. She miss her mother a lot & she talks a lot about her. She doesnt have many friends. She told me she only has 3 friends & thats it. She doesnt like making everyone her friend and she is wayy different than other "western" girls.
When i told her that i dont see our relationship lasting long. She cried & said "You know when you met me first i thought you will become mine forvever, i started loving you from day one. And i was soooo happy you cant even imagine. And now you are saying this to me? She added. "I have never been so happy in my life before, whenever something good happens in my life it doesnt last long and i thought this time my life will change but it's the same again now. Happiness cant stay in my life; i guess this is in my fate. I dont even see why i am bother living in this world.
When she made these comments; my heart cried for her. I tried to explain this to her in the nicest way possible that please try to understand. It's in yours & mine interest. But yet she still doesnt listen. She texted me again just now that she wants to meet me tomorrow and that i should come.
If i had my way i would cut all contacts with her right now but the only reason i am not doing so is becuase i am afraid she might do something wrong.
i have a classmate and when ever her ex boy friends had break up with her, she always cry and say i cany live without him and also said so many times she will kill her self and after some time when she fall in love again than she forget everything happended in the past
I'm trying SO hard not to judge right now, and I'm sorry for what I'm about to say, but a guy can usually tell if a girl likes him. You should have ended this way sooner, its too late now. She's already hurt, and please save further heartache and either fight for her, if you don't have that in you ask for forgiveness from Allah (SWT) and tell her there's no future with her
well i was once in similar situation, used to chat with a girl who is very far from my place. i met her once cause i was going to my friends wedding near to her town i met her for 20 minutes on the way. i had never feeling about her before or after the meeting. she was many years younger than me. in college and i had finished my uni by the time. she introduced me to all her friends etc during this meeting, it wasnt one to one. after that day she apparently fallen in love with me. i want comitted to anybody that time, i would have gone for this relationship if i was least attracted to her in terms of relationship. She didnt go all the way to express herself, as I stopped her. she remained in contact calling me once in a month etc. and we stayed as friends even after she got married she use to call me after few months or so.
i am telling you all this, she may be young and naive and dont understand what love is and may be fallen head of over heals about you. but looks like you dont like her at all after the meeting or wasnt expecting this from her. once a girl fall in love, that relationship cant become a friendship with a break atleast. just tell seriously and calmly and stop all contact with her, this will give her time to realise and get herself together.
If i had my way i would cut all contacts with her right now but the only reason i am not doing so is becuase i am afraid she might do something wrong.
Do you want to give in to balck mail ? Do you want to be with emotionally instable girl for all your life who could black mail you with her emotional antics all your life ?
If she does something bad to herself after your breakup it is her loss not yours.
Muzna: You are failing to understand what i said. We didnt date or anything it was just a casual meeting which she forced me to.
It was sunday and she usually goes to Church on sunday - so she asked me to meet her after her visit to church. She said it was just a casual meeting and she just wants to see face 2 face even for 2 mintues only. First i refused but later on i thought its just a freaking meeting and since she insists i should go ahead. That's all....i had no intentions whatsoever......and certainly i didnt expect her to fall in "love" with me this early.
I am not failing to understand anything at all. You are avoiding the point that I am making. Stop sidetracking.
I totally accept everything you have said about her......even though I find it hard to believe that anyone can "force" anyone to meet up. (It takes two hands to clap)
I am simply asking you to answer some very basic questions.
What were your intentions when you struck up the friendship online and allowed it to progress to the point that you were phoning so frequently?
Did you not know that your parents would not permit you to solidify this union?
"When i told her that i dont see our relationship lasting long."
No offense meant but this comment from you just sounds like you were looking for a short-term fling and it backfired on you.
Shehman: Although I feel sorry for the girl, I must say that you are one perfect gentleman - seriously for not leading her, by avoiding her calls, and by thinking ahead of time for what the future holds for the two of you. There are not many left out there who would be so straight forward, esp. for a crying soul - actually some of these rotten men would take advantage of the girl's vulnerability and still leave her crying.
I understand you have no attraction towards her and thus you question on how can she fall in love with you in two meetings. Love just happens. There are no logical reasons ever on why someone falls in love with the other. You may have done nothing to impress but she did find her soul mate in you.
Life goes on.... but remember, in life it is always better to be with someone who loves YOU, and are madly in love with YOU, rather than the other way around. You know why? because that person will always keep YOU happy because she loves YOU and not for any conditions - such as money, profession, situation, etc.
If she is a non-muslim - then BIG deal. Don't let religion bring in the distance. I am sure ALL GODS get along fine too. Good luck finding someone else who really loves you for you.