Urgent Help Needed.......

Lifestyle Relationships
1

There is this girl i met on internet few months ago, we started chatting on msn, shared each other pictures & eventually got each other phone numbers too. After getting the phone number we started talking to each other on phone and decided to meet up. I met her two weeks ago; our meetup (or date) whatever went nice infact too nice i would say.

We stayed together for two-three hours on that day and once we got home we started texting each other & talking on phone again. After meeting me she said." You seem to be a nice person & i want to tell you something very important, can we meet again tomorrow?". I was a bit confused as to why she wants to meet again so early. I just replied and said “Erm…i cant come tomorrow but will meet you the day after tomorrow”.

On our second meeting she told me “Ever since i met you; my heart has started to beat faster & i enjoyed each & every second with you. I think i am in love with you”. After hearing this i was totally surprised and said " you love me without even knowing me? this is our second meeting and you are already in love? you must be joking right"?. She replied & said “no i am serious and i really think we can be together, you have great personality and i want you to be with me forever; we will get to know each other as time goes along”. After hearing this i was totally shocked simply becuase i didnt expected her to fall in love with me and that too soo early. I didnt know what to say on that time so i just made an excuse and left.

Now since then we met one more time and that was yesterday and when i saw her i told her in clear words that i dont think our relationship will last forever and before we get more close i think we should just forget about it and move on. After hearing this tears came in her eyes and she claimed that she cant live without me, she will do anything, she loves me to bits etc etc. I wasnt in the good mood on that day and just said give me time to think about it and i will get back soon but let me warn you now…that our future isnt looking bright and it will be better if we just forget about each other and move on.

The reason why we cant be together is because:

  • I am a muslim & she is a christian
  • Our culuture is different
  • Last but not least i dont think my family will ever accept her and probably same goes about her family.

Since yesterday she has called me 25 times and left 5 voicemails saying please get back. I didnt really wanted to talk to her but i did call her today just half hour ago - this time she was sitting in the park and thinking about me, and after few minutes she started crying and said i just cant live without you, i will do anything for you, and maybe your family might accept me - please say yes..i am dying to hear this from you.

Now i dont know what to say and what shall i do. I have explained this to her in many different ways but she just doesnt listen to me…i dont know what the hell i should do. All this happened within 2 weeks; i met her because she forced me to and said that i just want to see you face 2 face once. And when we did met this is what happened. I just dont know what the hell is happening and i need ideas to sort this out. I basically want an end to this relationship asap because thats the only option left in my eyes. I dont want to drag this on and later say “sorry i cant marry you” bcause this will hurt her even more.

Guys & girls please tell me what i should do? Give me some ideas…i have noticed many girls post here on this forum…please tell me in what langauge do i tell her this? Help will be appreciated thanks.

2

You tell her as honestly as possible... and save yourself and her from heartache. Tell her you don't feel for her the way she feels for you.. and that you'd like to remain friends.

3

Re: Urgent Help Needed.......

Love is earned not begged. She is a stalker. There is some story behind her desperation which you do not know.

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Re: Urgent Help Needed.......

I dont think she is playing with me and why would she? She doesnt know me, she doesnt want money from me & she is also not in that sort of thing you know....and she looks quite innocent too.....while i am typing this - she has given me yet another missed call.

This is very strange!

Oqabi Rooh...
5

arrree..kkyu kia tumne uss bechari ke saat aisa?

usko milne se pehle nehi pata ta ke she is non-muslim?

6

And during this whole time, this girl never mentioned to you the lovely names she has already picked out for the several children you both will have together???????????? Shocking!

This girl is suffering from low self-esteem. Is she had a healthy sense of self-worth and confidence, she would not cling so desperately to someone that she doesn't not know very well.

There is no nice way to reject someone, but there are decent ways to go about it. I suggest being honest with her. Tell her that you find her to be a nice girl but unfortunately you don't reciprocate her feelings in the same manner......and that this does not mean that there is anything wrong wither, it's just a matter of personal preference. Just tell her that she needs to take a break and reflect over her behavior because it is extreme and that's it unreasonable to cling to someone that she does not know that well......and that she deserves to be with someone who shares her feelings. And since the feelings are not mutual, it would be unfair to both her and you.......to continue this relationship any further as you don't want to mislead or hurt her. Tell her that you understand that rejection is unpleasant and everyone has been through it at some point in their lives........but it's better to be rejected than to be in a relationship where the other person is only leading you on and doesn't feel the same way. Tell her to think about this.

After telling her this, don't contact her. If you start feeling "sorry" for her......and answer her phone calls and emails.............you're just giving her hope and leading her on. So, don't receive her phone calls and don't respond to her emails. And don't agree to meet her. Get busy with your own life. Maybe one the reasons why this girl is still after you is because you have not stopped contact. If you continue communicating with her......you're leaving the door open for her........and this will be hurtful for her and problematic for you. So............just end the communication completely. It will hurt her, but eventually she'll start moving on with her life.

This girl seems unstable. I get the feeling that this is not the first time she has behaved in this way. It could be a psychological problem. It even seems a bit fishy. Be on your guard and end this. Don't surrender to her constant phone calls and emails.........because this is what she wants you to do. It's for her own good in the long run.

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Re: Urgent Help Needed.......

It is difficult to comment on this without knowing all the details from her side as well.
Certainly it is not normal for someone to "fall in love" with someone after only 1 meeting. This leads one to wonder what kinds of conversations have taken place on chat, email, phone, etc.

By the way....what were your intentions with this person when you started growing the relationship? Did you not know that she was not muslim? Did you not know that your parents would not accept her?

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Re: Urgent Help Needed.......

^ Muzna has a good point. I didn't take into consideration the girl's side. What has prompted such a strong reaction from her? You didn't mislead her into thinking the relationship was more than an acquaintance/friendship did you?

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Re: Urgent Help Needed.......

I did try to cut the communications, only called her today for like 10 minutes after 24 hours and i am now planning to just forget about it. First i thought i was guilty but actually i am not - i have told her in clear words it's better if we finish this off now becuase if we keep on going it will only hurt you even more and you will probably label me as a "low-life jerk who used you".

But she just doesnt listen, she keeps on crying and claims i am the only guy who she has fallen in love with, she dont like anyone else, life is nothing to her without me and that she wont even look at another guy apart from. I am just surprised & totally shocked that she is saying all this after meeting me only 2-3 times! Wow i didnt know you can fall in love this quick.

I guess cutting the communications is the best way.....hmmm

10

Can you post her picture or perhaps describe how she looks like?

11

Re: Urgent Help Needed.......

This is what happened. We used to talk on msn, phone etc but we never ever talked about love, marriage, relationships etc. We just used to talk about how you are, how was your day, hows your life going, hope you are okay etc.

When she first met me we just talked about what i have said above. I asked her if you want to eat anything or if you want a drink or something lets go eat. But she refused and thats all we talked about on that day.

But once she got home she texted me and said. "I loved it today, enjoyed it a lot, you seem to be a nice person and are very different to other guys. I just cant get over todays meeting, your personality is great, you made me laugh - i loved it. And she requested. " Can we meet again tomorrow? And the rest i have stated above.

What do you guys think? Is she really serious about this? Or is she just a stalker?I dont see why she would play around with me? As is said shes not interested in money, shes not into that sort of thing and i am not either. So what else is left? Why would she play around?

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Re: Urgent Help Needed.......

She looks innocent and is beautiful at least to me she is.

As far as i have worked out - she has all the qualitites i want in my wife to be but shes not a muslim and is not from my country. So we will have tough time ahead and to be honest i dont think my family will ever accept her. This is why i want an end to this relationship.

Sorry i cannot post her picture here.

13

why would she say you used her?
hmmm... is there more to this story than meets the eye?..

14

If i keep on going with this relationship, and when the time comes to marry her and i say "sorry we cant" what do you think her reply will be? what will i expect from her?

This is what i meant - if i keep on this going and at the end i say we cant be together, her reply will probably be "you used me".

That's why i want an end to this asap....but i dont know in which language do i explain this to her.

15

Re: Urgent Help Needed.......

shehman.....you didn't answer my questions.....

nobody hooks up or "dates" without intentions.....what were yours'?

16

Re: Urgent Help Needed.......

^ I agree with Muzna, please answer her question so we know what you were thinking of getting out this whole situation.

17

Agree to all of the questions raised.

18

Re: Urgent Help Needed.......

Muzna: You are failing to understand what i said. We didnt date or anything it was just a casual meeting which she forced me to.

It was sunday and she usually goes to Church on sunday - so she asked me to meet her after her visit to church. She said it was just a casual meeting and she just wants to see face 2 face even for 2 mintues only. First i refused but later on i thought its just a freaking meeting and since she insists i should go ahead. That's all....i had no intentions whatsoever......and certainly i didnt expect her to fall in "love" with me this early.

19

Re: Urgent Help Needed.......

That's all happened there is nothing more to this story. I have told you guys (above) whatever happened after first meeting.

20

Re: Urgent Help Needed.......

Sheman,

Are you saying that you are "in love" with this girl but you're only ending this relationship because of family disapproval.................OR.............are you saying that you NEVER EVER had romantic feelings toward her????????????

In your previous posts you are asking questions like "Is she serious with me?" "Is she playing me?" UFF..........if you have no romantic interest in her and don't see a future with her.............then why the hell do you care if she is "serious" about you??????????

If you yourself are not serious about her...........then you shouldn't be asking if she is serious about you.

You need to tell this girl, "Listen, I apologize if you feel that I have misled you, but that was never my intention. If you think about our conversations............I NEVER talked about love or marriage or relationships to you. And this is because I only thought of you as a friend. But you seem to have attached another meaning to these conversations and interactions. It would be unfair to you if I lied to you and entered a romantic relationship with you. I don't want to hurt you. I think that everyone deserves to be with someone who returns their feelings. Just because I can't reciprocate your feelings doesn't mean that there is something wrong with you. You deserve someone who will love you back. The discomfort of rejection is far less painful than being in a one-sided relationship. You need to reflect over your feelings and what you're doing. Continuing communication is making me uncomfortable and it will hurt you. So, it's best if you take a break and sort out your emotions because there is no hope of reciprocation from me."

AND then DON"T CONTACT HER. NOT EVEN FOR 10 minutes. NOT even for 1 minute. Let her go.