Upset..need advice

Lifestyle Relationships
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Re: Upset..need advice

better than childish.

we are multitaskers

:snooty:

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Re: Upset..need advice

Yeah sara'sar ziyaadtee hai aap kee mohtarmaa.

If men cant balance out the relations then he is childish, when women do "me, me, me only and no one else" behaviour, she is multitasking

No wonder men die at earlier age. You know one of the signs of qiyaamat is the man to woman ratio. There will be 50 woman per man. Now you know why

Interview By Dr. LKK - Part-II
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Re: Upset..need advice

i wonder why Allah has put aag in jahannam, all that was needed was biwi to be there as well.

Interview By Dr. LKK - Part-II
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Re: Upset..need advice

Two options; it is up to you which one you want to choose.

  1. **The Easy Way **to ease the problem only temporarily but troubles in the long run)

Make her realize that you don't except her dominance by not doing what she asks you to do. Use her techniques against her by behaving in the same manner and applying the same things to her what she applies to you. Also brain wash your husband and other family members against her.

^ Such act would increase prejudice in hearts, increase gaps among family members and eventually might lead to a disaster.

  1. **The Difficult Way **to face the problem only temporarily but developing peace and love in family in the long run)

Develop your place in her heart with good manners. YES ! It is possible. Take every step the way you think your ideal would have done. First develop love in your heart for your SIL, forgive and forget her (only for the love of Allah ), give small gifts to her time to time but NOT in front of anyone.

Do good to her in all possible ways and don't expect any good from her ( otherwise you might be easily hurt). Consider any good from her as a bonus, but expect the reward of your kindness ONLY from Allah.

And the most important thing to do is;

Whenever you are alone at night. Sit on the prayer mat and tell the whole story of your heart to your Lord, with tears of sincerity.

Our Lord says that every night I come down to the first sky and announce that "IS there anyone who wants to seek anything from me, I would give it to him/her"

There is no one who would console you better than your Lord. Stop explaining your matter to your husband because he can't do anything. Release all load of your heart to your Lord, tell HIM in detail how you have been sacrificing but still she is not behaving good with you.

Tell HIM that it has become difficult for you to remain patient. Tell HIM to create your love in her heart and circumstances that your family becomes the most loving one. Tell HIM that nothing is in my hand but everything is in Allah's power.

I Swear by Allah (swt) the next morning you would start feeling the difference. Even a mother might at times not listen to you, but Allah announces everyday that why are you degrading yourself by puting your problems infront of humans, who can't do anything.. Just try ONLY once by puting your problems infront of Allah (along with making efforts yourself) and then see the wonders.

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Re: Upset..need advice

innocent and simple u mean? yes indeed.

For the most part, I dont see guys sitting around dissing their inlaws, playin gmindgames with their brother in laws or father in laws. not in Pakistan, not here

why is that?

women want to be independent, this or that, well with that comes taking a stand for yourself, being your own person, dealing with the negatives and positives of any relationship and interaction.

I mean at work when someone in our dept gets on your case do we always run to the boss to help us out? or do we figure out a way to deal with it most of the time? why not do the same at home.

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Re: Upset..need advice

B/c they don't have to live with them. Women do, simple as that.

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Re: Upset..need advice

are you telling me that the only women who have an issue with their saas, nand, jethani, dewarani..whatever are those who share their living space with them?

is that what you are saying?

is it really as simple as that? I dont think so.

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Re: Upset..need advice

No but more issues are likely to erupt when all share close living space..

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Re: Upset..need advice

so what I am hearing now is that its not ..


.... right?

I dont mean to get on your case at all so i apologize if it seems this way, I am just using your statements to illustrate a point.

I think when it comes to family relationships women are more emotional, less willing to back down, forgive and forget, develop a thick skin, lets things slide, or just not get bothered, or to deal wit their issues directly but drag others in it to help solve the problem. I see that in family dealings, in dealings with friends, community etc etc.

u know what surprises me after all that its still us men who start the wars :D

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Re: Upset..need advice

omg thats an excellent excellent point.. all woman including the thread starter should learn from it.

i m not for the being independent crap at all .. i feel we always need a strong muscular shoulder to wipe our nosies on

:naak:

:slight_smile:

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Re: Upset..need advice

Why am I thinking that Women like to live a life that is so desi movie like?....I am sure there is simple solution to life. Like men live !!

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Re: Upset..need advice

hehehhe bichara

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Re: Upset..need advice

abay not desi movie...desi drama...

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Re: Upset..need advice

well you did ask why men don't have stupid mind games/problems w/ their in-laws and i stated the reason why..b/c they dont have to live wiht them (only in few cases)..obv ther'es always more to the story, but in a general sense, that's how it is... I can't say what men do or don't do or how they behave but women are usually the ones who are willing to back down and to forgive and forget

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Re: Upset..need advice

So far Fraudia has got the best idea...go for recording...and let your Sister in Law hear it, if she promises not to be mean to you again, discard the tape. Tell her, if she doesn't straighten up, you can tape her again and will let the whole family listen to it :)

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Re: Upset..need advice

^^ Works only in desi dramas. In real life, goal should not be to put anyone down, but to resolve the issue in such a way that you remain friends, even after that

Solution Please
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Re: Upset..need advice

Sarah

you missed my point.

In pakistan and a joint family system that may be among the reasons.

but

In US where the vast majority of people are living independently there are still issues and family politics and the vast majority of them among women.

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Re: Upset..need advice

Its Sara !!...

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Re: Upset..need advice

dude, that is if you are friends to begin with. U have to be assertive and you have to draw some limits, and if people contiue to cross those limits they need to be put back in their place.

there is too much 'sharm a hazoori" among desis..everyone knows the crap but everyone pussy foots around it, and beats around the buch, acting all formal and polite when every damn living thing in a 20 mile radius knows that things are anything but normal.

I say confront it head on, politely, assertively, and dont back down and get drawn into tangents. If the other person is putting your credibility at stake and questioning that, you have to correct that. audio tape, video tape, witness, whatever.

heck sit down with the lady and her bro at the same time and keep cool about ya and just solve the 'misunderstanding' so she may feel ambushed, but such is life.

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Re: Upset..need advice

okay Sara

you missed my point.

In pakistan and a joint family system that may be among the reasons.

but

In US where the vast majority of people are living independently there are still issues and family politics and the vast majority of them among women.