I have been posting here about certain situations with my SIL and asking advices…
I have been married for 1 year now and Alhamdulillah my husband is sweet to the core and really a lovely person!
The things is that over time my SIL has been doing stuff to me in such ways that my hubby hasnt even observed whats been going on. She does things her way and seems well planned while creating chaos in my mind. Like she could ask him (never me/us) to watch her son while she would like to travel for a couple of weeks, and that also on a very short notice…
Recently divorced she has got loads of free time so whenever she wants to she just creates fuss for me.
The problem is that my hubby doesnt notice things. She does it the typical ‘woman way’.
In between I have talked to him and to me it seems like he would never think of her like that. He said to me that I might have misundertood things, but hey if things keep happening to you from the same person and you see a certain pattern, you wouldnt call it misunderstanding!!
I have known my SIL for 2 and half years and in all this time I have been experiencing domination and carelessness from her side. I have been very ill for some months but she never called to know how I am but when it comes to her, getting her will and getting things done, she suddenly underlines the fact that we are in family…hallo…like if family doesnt show care to you when u r ill…
I am very fed up with all her behaviour and I have decided to tell my hubby everything. how I have felt for the past long time and also how this is effecting my health…now I in doubt of my decision…he is the younger brother of this domianting elder sister who is using her divorce to gain way too much sympathy and get away with bad tameezi even…
what would your advice be?
and to those of you who dont like in law topics pls dont reply…
I dont want to present this as a conflict to him..as he is the kind of person who would run away from conflicts…rather I would like to present it in a way that we can actually improve our relationship with her if he could talk to her…but i dont know…
I have already tried to confront her. at the spot she didnt say anything but the next day she called my hubby and told him things in a way that I was stunned...
I am not the kind of person who take advantage of others. I dont think a Muslim should behave that way so I find it hard to be like her towards her.
But its even more hard to cope with this situation. I am very fed up.
And I also cant accept the fact that my hubby isnt able to take a stand for me. Its not easy for him to see these things as she does it the typical woman style and he doesnt notice a bit!
I have already tried to confront her. at the spot she didnt say anything but the next day she called my hubby and told him things in a way that I was stunned...
I am not the kind of person who take advantage of others. I dont think a Muslim should behave that way so I find it hard to be like her towards her.
But its even more hard to cope with this situation. I am very fed up.
And I also cant accept the fact that my hubby isnt able to take a stand for me. Its not easy for him to see these things as she does it the typical woman style and he doesnt notice a bit!
thats why my dear men are men.. laikin she os probably jealous of your married life now that she is divorced.. if u must talk to your hubby.. dont make it sound like u hate her ... make it sound like you are more confused than mad.. and that u cant understand why a nice person like her does that .. u will have to be tricky cose ,,
she has been tricky .. get her a gift and give it to her infront of ur hubby . this will make him think that u r trying to nice to her, do nice things to her infront of him.. talk with smile.. first make ur position strong then u would be able to talk to him.. that after how nice u have been to her.. she said or did this ..
still be patient .. dont llet this minor thing get in between ur happy life.. try to mostly forget whatever she does/ says //
thats why my dear men are men.. laikin she os probably jealous of your married life now that she is divorced.. if u must talk to your hubby.. dont make it sound like u hate her ... make it sound like you are more confused than mad.. and that u cant understand why a nice person like her does that .. u will have to be tricky cose ,,
she has been tricky .. get her a gift and give it to her infront of ur hubby . this will make him think that u r trying to nice to her, do nice things to her infront of him.. talk with smile.. first make ur position strong then u would be able to talk to him.. that after how nice u have been to her.. she said or did this ..
still be patient .. dont llet this minor thing get in between ur happy life.. try to mostly forget whatever she does/ says //
hugs to u
yeah men are men..tell me about it...my dad still cant see things my dadi and phuppos do while mum is frustrated over their intrusions....and now my hubby cant see what her sis is doing....
I already have hinted my frustration to hubby and he has been very quiet since then..making me feel insecure about the whole thing...
Hey like u have all said men are men, and neither talkin 2 ure hubby nor ure SIL is going to help the matter, so u i suppose all u can do is pray to allah that things get sorted, and that she leaves u alone, i wish i had a better solution , sorry :( I hope everything work sout inshallah, and i will personally pray 4 u 2:)
Excuse me ladies, I resent this constant comment of all of yours that "men are men". What this has to do with anything. Her SIL is a woman who is creating all the problem, so should we say women are women.
Men are simple enough (and I am saying it with all seriousnes) that they can never understand the Chaals of their mother, sister or even Saas and wife.
The problem is SIL behaviour sodfind out a way to fix her. To show, who is innocent and who is culprit, in front of the hubby, should not be the goal.
I think that a bold confrontation of SIL, in absence of hubby, and latter sharing it with hubby, might be the way
I suggest reading a book titled "how to deal with difficult people". great book. and very helpful
Excuse me ladies, I resent this constant comment of all of yours that "men are men". What this has to do with anything. Her SIL is a woman who is creating all the problem, so should we say women are women.
Men are simple enough (and I am saying it with all seriousnes) that they can never understand the Chaals of their mother, sister or even Saas and wife.
The problem is SIL behaviour sodfind out a way to fix her. To show, who is innocent and who is culprit, in front of the hubby, should not be the goal.
I think that a bold confrontation of SIL, in absence of hubby, and latter sharing it with hubby, might be the way
I suggest reading a book titled "how to deal with difficult people". great book. and very helpful
ah kash yea sab itna asaan hota.
all us wives want from u men is that u acknowledge that yes what u are feeling is real.. laikin all u guys ever say is that u r imagining things ,, why is he quiet with her ,, why cant he say something like i kno u might have felt this way .. she is going thru some stuff.. lets ignore it .. u kno . just acknowledge..
all us wives want from u men is that u acknowledge that yes what u are feeling is real.. laikin all u guys ever say is that u r imagining things ,, why is he quiet with her ,, why cant he say something like i kno u might have felt this way .. she is going thru some stuff.. lets ignore it .. u kno . just acknowledge..
we dont imagine things really
Because fact of the matter is this that Guys know their mothers and sisters for longer period of time, than their wives.
If they are aware of that weekness of their sister/mother, they may admit, but when wife tells them a thing (that might be true) which is very new to them, they are relcutant to beleive.
From what I have read in this post and previous posts as well....your husband doesnt want to get involved in this and rightly so since he hasnt seen or heard anything himself. Keep in mind complaining to him about his sister may eventually cause problems between the two of you as well. So be tactful when and if you do it.
Personally, I wouldnt confront the in-laws.....the relationship is just so fragile. Once broken it's hard to mend.
Just curious.....when your SIL asks your hubby to watch her kid....does HE watch em or YOU do? If it's you then you can tell your husband...."next time your sister asks you to watch so n so....make sure you tell her that you have to check with me to make sure I am available to watch him... because I would really like to spend some time with him and I dont want to be bothered by other things when he is here" ........
this way you can make sure it wont interfere with YOUR plans and the SIL will eventually know that YOU have some say in this matter as well....and you dont sound very confrontational either.
Because fact of the matter is this that Guys know their mothers and sisters for longer period of time, than their wives.
If they are aware of that weekness of their sister/mother, they may admit, but when wife tells them a thing (that might be true) which is very new to them, they are relcutant to beleive.
Because fact of the matter is this that Guys know their mothers and sisters for longer period of time, than their wives.
If they are aware of that weekness of their sister/mother, they may admit, but when wife tells them a thing (that might be true) which is very new to them, they are relcutant to beleive.
it's because men are blind when it comes to their loved ones....they dont want to see the people they love for what they really are...this goes for both the wife and his own family.
it's because men are blind when it comes to their loved ones....they dont want to see the people they love for what they really are...this goes for both the wife and his own family.
