Sparrow, I know what you mean about preferring one nice suit over several bad ones. In my case I end up wearing them to make them happy but I might not wear them in front of other people, only at home. But my case is different because I live with my ils. Your story sounds like one of my friends who also had a love marriage and she takes a lot of care in her dressing and she has a certain standard and she's blunt too. When she was getting married she told her ils not to give her anything because she had her own taste in desi clothes. She didn't want them wasting money on clothes that she wouldn't wear anyways. I'm sure they didn't take it too well but since their son was set on marrying her, they backed off. I think they give her money now to buy her own clothes if they want to give her something. I guess you've tried talking to them so I suppose your only hope is your husband talking to them and telling them they're wasting their money. Good luck.
geee.... i think shes way too blunt! and i used to think i was. :P seriously, she shouldnt have said she has her own taste blah blah... they mst have felt soooooooo bad i can imagine. whats the point of getting a gift(clothes esp) when its not chosen by the giver... i mean ok, even if their taste is not gud, give them a chance to buy stuff acc. to ur taste. just tell them the kind of material, design etc u like. still if they send u cheap stuff( sigh... like in my case) then just wear them at home. Simple :)
I can imagine how you feel but dont make an issue out of it. My MIL gave me these suits in the bari that were just soo chamkeele and I was so not gonna wear them. I was actually in chock that they were giving that in their only son's barri. But I didnt fight with my hubby over a bunch of clothes. that just too childish!noone is forcing you to wear them.
Just give them to charities. thats what I have done with most of the stuff I got from my ils.
In my case, my MIL wears same kind of clothes so I have started to understand her taste of clothes. However in my SILs case, she wears nice clothes herself but buys me cheap and tacky stuff.
Now there is not much I can do about it. Either I can tell her off and she wouldnt be bothered to change anything or I can just change my own attitude towards it.
So I really dont expect much from their gifts anymore which is kind of sad but thats just the way it is. I have never complained to hubby cuz its not his fault. And my relationship to him is more valueable to me than the stuff I get from others so why should I start an argument with him over a bunch of tacky clothes.
Just have a laugh and enjoy ur time with ur hubby. Noone is forcing you to wear them!!
I think, and I may be mighty wrong, that you have serious issues. You are using gifts, not as a genuine gesture of love, but to manifest your superiority over others. I am pretty sure that there are others who are complaining about your gifts behind your back.
I been thinking about this and maybe you are right.....:o
okay one thing i've learned from everyones advice is that i should not argue with my husband over this....so i won't do this anymore.
BUT
By me not saying anything to him will he not think "wow...my mum is so great look at all the wonderful things she buys my wife!"
???
gosh sparrow... we gotta b friends... :D u and think so alike! heehehe... even i think if i dun tell him hes gonna think like, wow my mom is a gud woman, doin all these nice things for her.. when infact its worth throwin in biN!!! u know what makes me mad like hell...? its when he insists i buy gud quality stuff for her... once i told him i m never gonna gift somethin to somebody which i dun myself use... what i meant was if i m not using v expensive and branded stuff, i m not gonna give the same to anybody! when i dun spend sooooooo much money on myself then it makes sense i shudnt spend on them. so i go for medium quality stuff which i use. there have been exceptions where ive gifted body shop gifts(which i myself dun use btw) but its for someone v special and someone who knows this branded stuff...
ive realised after 3 yrs of my marriage... seriously husband loogo se bayhes (argue) kar ke apni zindaghi hi azaab hoti hia... its hard but its better really not to argue... and to think...its coming from a person like me who is known to argue if the person is talkin nonsense! hehehe.. :D
gosh sparrow... we gotta b friends... :D u and think so alike! heehehe... even i think if i dun tell him hes gonna think like, wow my mom is a gud woman, doin all these nice things for her.. when infact its worth throwin in biN!!! u know what makes me mad like hell...? its when he insists i buy gud quality stuff for her... once i told him i m never gonna gift somethin to somebody which i dun myself use... what i meant was if i m not using v expensive and branded stuff, i m not gonna give the same to anybody! when i dun spend sooooooo much money on myself then it makes sense i shudnt spend on them. so i go for medium quality stuff which i use. there have been exceptions where ive gifted body shop gifts(which i myself dun use btw) but its for someone v special and someone who knows this branded stuff...
ive realised after 3 yrs of my marriage... seriously husband loogo se bayhes (argue) kar ke apni zindaghi hi azaab hoti hia... its hard but its better really not to argue... and to think...its coming from a person like me who is known to argue if the person is talkin nonsense! hehehe.. :D
hehehehe..i'm so glad someone gets me...we really do think alike....i'm gonna meet up with you when i come to Dubai...which might be soon!
I've also decided that from now on i'm not spending ridiculous amounts of money on presents for my in-laws....but i know i won't be abole to help myself! When i got married i was given £300 £400 vouchers for John Lewis (big department store) from work and i spent all that money buying expensive perfumes and aftershaves like Chanel etc...for my in laws.....and i didn't get myself anything.
I always give my brother in laws presents i know they will love like Wii or Ipods etc..but i'm not saying i want that in return...i would honestly rather get a nice box of choclates or matai to be honest.
I'm not saying people need to buy ipods etc...but i wanted to buy this for them beacuse:
i love them and i want to get them something that will make them happy.
My presents show the type of person i am
My presents show the person who i am givinng to how much i like them and respect them and value them.
hey girl… wud love to meet u… how soon are you comin here? we should meet up for some coffee yar tum bhi toh hadd kari ho… why do u gift them suchhhhhhhh expensive stuff… MIL tak toh theek hai but why do u buy gifts for ur BIL… i was v shocked to read this yar. trust me, i have so much to tell u… i also tried to impress my inlaws(incld his 2 mami’s here with loads of gifts and thoughtful things) but i just get appreciation from the elders but the kids… thaz another story, i dun seem to bring them close to me… my hubby told me spend alot of money on them and see how they will run after u becus he has learnt the hard way that ppl are materialistic and will be drawn towards u if u take out that cash… unfortuantely to an extent i agree cus tell me if someone spends money on u wudnt u feel nice and important? maybe in ur case cus ure always givin gifts they take it for granted…kher, my point is sometimes really money cant buy everything
i always get scared when i see your name on here...coz i know your slating someone....and today it's me!!
I love ur angry, "i got a big chip on my shoulder" attitude! really i do! xx
i m gonna kill u yaaaaaaaaaaar.... even i m scared when i read is name! its like oh man.... another controversial or in ur face statement... jeez... sparrow whats ur zodiac sign??
Sparrow I have the same attitude towards gift as you but I think i’ve realized..not everyone has the same outlook on it but that doesnt mean they care less for you… some would call the giver being materialistic but i dont think tha’ts the case exactly..
i love them and i want to get them something that will make them happy.
My presents show the type of person i am
My presents show the person who i am givinng to how much i like them and respect them and value them.
is this wrong?
That kind of attitude is the attitude of a successful and larger than life person. Keep doing good no matter how bad others are with you. That will make you happy and Inshallah you will be rewarded by your Allah ultimately.
Fact of the matter is that the ones we love are taken away from us too soon and then on that day we finally wake up and realize everything
Whatever they give you, accept it with grace and say thanks and make dua for them. If you dont want it or cant use it, give it away or try to make something new out of it. Dont upset your husband over this, as its not worth it and he cant control what his mother does. Continue to give your MIL nice gifts. If you are able to discuss the situation with your MIL and explain to her what you like and would to receive then do so. If not, then try not to fret so much over this, as much as it bothers you you have to just let it go, as it might inadvertently cause negative feelings to build up in your heart against your MIL. In the end, you can only control what you do and not what others do, what you give and not what others give, so just focus on that and inshallah the rest wont matter so much anymore
try sending them gifts of your choice, so that they may understand and come to know your choice... if they still do not send them the clothes or other stuff of your choice, maybe wo unki choice naa ho..... one should know how to manage this all very wisely, do not disheart them, wese bhi jab tumhari shadi honay wali thi kiya is se pehle unho nay tumko gifts, clothes nahin diye thay??? if yes, to uswaqt tumko unki choice ka pata to chala hoga, so if you think this is a HUGE ISSUE then you must have left them then and should have not get married!!!
this thread reminds me of my sister's nand who has been gifting night pj sets to my niece on every special occasion whether it's her birthday, eid or whatever...they themselves are financially well off and dress up their kids very nicely. I wonder what is wrong with them?!
yar tum bhi toh hadd kari ho… why do u gift them suchhhhhhhh expensive stuff… MIL tak toh theek hai but why do u buy gifts for ur BIL… i was v shocked to read this yar. trust me, i have so much to tell u… i also tried to impress my inlaws(incld his 2 mami’s here with loads of gifts and thoughtful things) but i just get appreciation from the elders but the kids… thaz another story, i dun seem to bring them close to me… 
my hubby told me spend alot of money on them and see how they will run after u becus he has learnt the hard way that ppl are materialistic and will be drawn towards u if u take out that cash… unfortuantely to an extent i agree cus tell me if someone spends money on u wudnt u feel nice and important? maybe in ur case cus ure always givin gifts they take it for granted…kher, my point is sometimes really money cant buy everything 
