It’s hard to talk about this without sounding like an ungrateful b**** but the thing is my in-laws keep giving me really horrible presents.
I keep telling them not to get me anything but they just don’t listen. The problem is getting worse because every time they give me something it make me feel angry and insulted and I keep taking it out on my husband and then we have rows. I also don’t have anywhere to store the rubbish.
It’s mostly clothes. My MIL rang me a couple of days before Eid and asked me to bring one of my shalwar kameez so she could get the right measurements for when she buys my Eid clothes. I said to her very politely that I didn’t want anything for Eid and if she really wanted to get me something then a box of chocolates would be great but she insisted I bring my suit…so I asked her if it was okay that I go with her when she buys my outfit and she said yes. Well she didn’t take me and she bought the suit herself and gave it to me the night before Eid. It was maroon with gold sequins…the material was cheap and the suit was just tacky. Luckily the bag had the shops name on it so I gave it to my mum who returned it.
Yesterday the in-laws came round and gave me another 6-7 suits…all of them were really nasty odd sizes just pure cheap stuff and some cutlery too looks like they bought it from the “1 pound shop”. Because I have told them in the past that I don’t like the stuff and they have only given me more…now I just stay quiet and say thank you.
When they go home I argue with my husband who defends them and says the stuff is nice….by the way my husband himself only wears designer clothes even his gym clothes have to be Hugo Boss, Lacoste blah blah….
My husbands pupoo also gave me a suit on Eid…it was sooo cheap and nasty it was embarrassing.
What shall I do…how can I stop this without ending up rowing with the in-laws…I have tried speaking to my MIL but she gets very pissed off.
Also, they know I don’t like the clothes coz they have never ever seen me wear any one of them.
Could it be because they have bad taste or they just cant afford to buy anything better?
If i were you, i would just quietly accept the presents and then pass them on to someone else who does like that kind of stuff. Its not your husband's fault they are like this although if he feels comfortable he could ask them nicely to take you shopping with them instead of getting things you arent ever gonna use.
My sis has that problem. All of her clothes that came from her inlaws on the wedding were wierd paindoo looking outfits. She still gets some tacky stuff with beads haning off and just plain wierd. She takes it, says thank you and gives it to charity. She doesnt need it and keeping it causes too much clutter so its best to give it to someone who can use it. I would do the same if I got nasty things from my inlaws.
Accept it with thanks, pass it on to someone else who like to wear dresses like that and MOVE ON. You are just making a issue out of nothing.
They are your in laws, they love you and want to give you gifts and btw, Islam has also encouraged it. I have yet to see a hadees that gift has to be one of recipient's choice. Looks like you failed to understand that beauty is subjective but love is not.
I am no saint but I go a step ahead and wear these gifts (cloths, watches, shoes etc) occasionally when they (in-laws) are around (or I am visiting them) even though some of the gifts I don't like and my wife also does the same. Sometimes even though she don't like the dresses that my mom has sent her, she wears and take her pics to sent to my mom just to make them happy and make them feel wanted!
I know we want to get something nice and of our choice but gal you are just complicating ur life gal for nothing.....u should think abt all those girls who have major problems with their inlaws n who dont respect them infact they expect so much from them and they themself dont do anything to appreciate what their 'baho' is doing for them.
All i am gona say is you should accept the gifts as they are given for the token of love. How can u judge some1's intention by valuing the gifts. Maybe they can't afford to buy you all the brand name outfits or buy you exactly the things that you like. You do understand that everyone's likes and dislikes are not the same. It is also possible that they dont know your choice and the gifts that you are getting is their choice.
This hadith is alone can support what we all are saying. Narrated Abu Huraira: **The Prophet said, "O Muslim women! None of you should look down upon the gift sent by her she-neighbour even if it were the trotters of the sheep (fleshless part of legs)." **
I know we want to get something nice and of our choice but gal you are just complicating ur life gal for nothing.....u should think abt all those girls who have major problems with their inlaws n who dont respect them infact they expect so much from them and they themself dont do anything to appreciate what their 'baho' is doing for them.
All i am gona say is you should accept the gifts as they are given for the token of love. How can u judge some1's intention by valuing the gifts. Maybe they can't afford to buy you all the brand name outfits or buy you exactly the things that you like. You do understand that everyone's likes and dislikes are not the same. It is also possible that they dont know your choice and the gifts that you are getting is their choice.
This hadith is alone can support what we all are saying.
Narrated Abu Huraira: **The Prophet said, "O Muslim women! None of you should look down upon the gift sent by her she-neighbour even if it were the trotters of the sheep (fleshless part of legs)." **
well-said..i absolutely agree with all that you said..
lolsss yeh man she is lucky…i never got any gifts from ma inlaws in ma 5 months of wedding…i had ask for ma eid gift from ma hubby too…he didnt know its a custom
Infact they didn’t bother giving me gifts to take it with me when I first went to my house for ‘maklawa’ me and my husband went to buy it our self….. I don’t know if you know but it’s a custom that inlaws will send some nice gifts for bride’s family when she first visits her house after shadi and in return she brings something nice for them they didn’t mind taking the gifts but they sure didn’t bother giving me some….i had to lie to my family by saying yeh my inlaws gave these gifts to u. I don’t have MIL and all my SILs are married so that is another reason no one really cared about the customs
i understand what you are saying about hadith and i understand that it's "the thought that counts". But...it just upsets me sooo much that i have all these presents and not even one of them is any use to me.....i'm not saying i want designer stuff or expensive stuff but just something a bit decent.
They can see my taste in what i wear or how my house is so why do they insist on buying me that kind of stuff?
Also, i can't give these clothes as presents to anyone else because i would be too ashamed to give anyone such cheap presents. Maybe it's in the wrong context but i believe in "Wish for your brother, what you wish for yourself".
They can see my taste in what i wear or how my house is so why do they insist on buying me that kind of stuff?
Also, i can't give these clothes as presents to anyone else because i would be too ashamed to give anyone such cheap presents. Maybe it's in the wrong context but i believe in "Wish for your brother, what you wish for yourself".
so you believe on things selectively in other words things that suits you :)
You are most probably half (or even less) the age of your in-laws, if you cant change you taste now how to you expect them to change their taste?
everyone has different taste, maybe they cant afford to buy decent clothes, accept them and give them to charity sumone who will wear them, its not ur hubbis fault either...my in laws bought me not so nice necklace but i wore it as they sent it it may not be expensive but it was the thought that counted....u shud be happy you have nice in laws dat do give u sumthing
Just take it with a smile and say thank you. Give it away, donate it do whatever afterwards. This way you will avoid any hurt feelings and/or arguments.
you should be counting your lucky stars that your inlaws actually care about you. Imagine for a bit, yes their taste does not match your taste but really is it all about that? doesn't their thought count? isn't your MIL allowed to be spoiled to buy gifts for her DIL? what's wrong with thhat?
sometimes you need to suck it up and appreciate the bigger picture. if you were to give a gift to your MIL and find out that she went and "returned" those gifts, how would you feel?
think before you act. Life is too short to hold up on small gifts.. thank Allah for a MIL that actually bothers getting you gifts.
I think when it comes to gifting clothes nobody can have the same taste as you do. In my case , everybody sees me wearing nice shirts and pants . But the ones I get as gift do not suit my taste. I use them as casual wear and wear them once in a while, it makes them happy that I am wearing what they gifted . I never broke any body's heart.
you should be counting your lucky stars that your inlaws actually care about you. Imagine for a bit, yes their taste does not match your taste but really is it all about that? doesn't their thought count? isn't your MIL allowed to be spoiled to buy gifts for her DIL? what's wrong with thhat?
sometimes you need to suck it up and appreciate the bigger picture. if you were to give a gift to your MIL and find out that she went and "returned" those gifts, how would you feel?
think before you act. Life is too short to hold up on small gifts.. thank Allah for a MIL that actually bothers getting you gifts.
^ agreed..... hence the saying...'it's the thought that counts'.
one of my sisters has been married for 20 yrs now mashAllah....and for the past 20 Eids her MIL buys her a new suit to wear. She til this day has never wore one of them but always calls her MIL up to tell her how much she appreciates it. I think it's rather cute that for 20 yrs her MIL still treats her like a new dulhan : )
As for this thread, it doesn't matter who gives you the gifts - if you don't like the clothes, don't wear them - but just tell them you appreciate the thought they put into giving you a gift. Just donate the clothes to charity or something if you don't want them. Not an issue.
