a gift is a gift and should be taken in good spirits, after all it is not a debt that they have to pay to yourhighness. fighting over it with a husband is totally foolish why should he be responsible for his parents choice?most girls whine about pressure from in laws on such amtter yet its ok to cause him grief over gifts? as u said you dont wear em when you dont like them tou its not like you go out of ur way to be nice . seriously i absolutely detest such mentality. and this brings to me a horrible woman i once had misfotune of meeting. that should explain my very strong language.
^ does it matter?
It does ....
i understand what you are saying about hadith and i understand that it's "the thought that counts". But...it just upsets me sooo much that i have all these presents and not even one of them is any use to me.....i'm not saying i want designer stuff or expensive stuff but just something a bit decent.
They can see my taste in what i wear or how my house is so why do they insist on buying me that kind of stuff?
Also, i can't give these clothes as presents to anyone else because i would be too ashamed to give anyone such cheap presents. Maybe it's in the wrong context but i believe in "Wish for your brother, what you wish for yourself".
My question is: The kind of gifts that they give you, do they wear similar stuff themselves? In other words, the kind of material the clothes are made of, are your MIL's clothes made of similar material? Or does she wear designer clothes herself and is giving you "cheap" presents?
What I am trying to get at is that perhaps they already are giving you what they wish for themselves. It's not a requirement that their wishes be same as yours.
Re: Unwanted Gifts from in-laws
If people are told of personal preferences and also requested not to get anything yet they still do, just donate the stuff, there are many people in our communities who could use them, and it does not seem like there is pressure on you to wear the stuff. its really not a big deal.
now personally I feel it is a little wasteful for people to get things that others have asked not to, but then we cant control others' actions.
Re: Unwanted Gifts from in-laws
i agree sadz y would someone go and by purpose by 6-7 ugly cheap suits , just because its not of your taste doesnt me it ugly. u need to grow up and look beyond such stuff to fight with your husband.
and how would you feel when gifts tht you hve given to someone are donated to charity
u should appreciate the fact that they even consider getting you gifts some people never get that.
Re: Unwanted Gifts from in-laws
You're right, I do that sometimes (give when the person doesnt deserve it) and later i just regret i wasted so much time and energy and money especially...but theN i would feel even worse if i didnt get them anything, or something that was up to my standards (as a giver, not a recipient). So giving a gift isn't truly altruistic, maybe those ppl do it for their own satisfaction (that one can cal a selfish desire). Anyways i dont think its such a issue, just give the stuff away if u dont like it..simple...
Re: Unwanted Gifts from in-laws
PS, not to turn this into wedding2 thread but jahez/barri items do not fall into this category. 
Re: Unwanted Gifts from in-laws
^ why not?
Re: Unwanted Gifts from in-laws
^ Because....at least for the wedding day(s), the bride should wear what she wants and feels comfortable in...not what anyone else chooses (unless of course she wants somenoe else to choose :p). with other things given later on if you dont like them you can give em away, sell them, do whatever, but it's not so easy to do so with a dress you have to wear on your wedding day(s)..anyways this is going sliiiightly off topic.. mybad..
PS I know my post said jahez/barri stuff...but i meant the wedding day, mistake on my part.
this story sounds familiar:)
^ Because....at least for the wedding day(s), the bride should wear what she wants and feels comfortable in...not what anyone else chooses (unless of course she wants somenoe else to choose :p). with other things given later on if you dont like them you can give em away, sell them, do whatever, but it's not so easy to do so with a dress you have to wear on your wedding day(s)..anyways this is going sliiiightly off topic.. mybad..
PS I know my post said jahez/barri stuff...but i meant the wedding day, mistake on my part.
hmmm , challo koi baat naheen, :)
Re: Unwanted Gifts from in-laws
Sparrow, do you give them gifts? What do you give theM?
Accept the gifts your MIL sends you & thank them cordially for it.
Hope to have helped.
It's hard to talk about this without sounding like an ungrateful b**** but the thing is my in-laws keep giving me really horrible presents.
I keep telling them not to get me anything but they just don't listen. The problem is getting worse because every time they give me something it make me feel angry and insulted and I keep taking it out on my husband and then we have rows. I also don't have anywhere to store the rubbish.
It's mostly clothes. My MIL rang me a couple of days before Eid and asked me to bring one of my shalwar kameez so she could get the right measurements for when she buys my Eid clothes. I said to her very politely that I didn't want anything for Eid and if she really wanted to get me something then a box of chocolates would be great but she insisted I bring my suit…so I asked her if it was okay that I go with her when she buys my outfit and she said yes. Well she didn't take me and she bought the suit herself and gave it to me the night before Eid. It was maroon with gold sequins…the material was cheap and the suit was just tacky. Luckily the bag had the shops name on it so I gave it to my mum who returned it.
Yesterday the in-laws came round and gave me another 6-7 suits…all of them were really nasty odd sizes just pure cheap stuff and some cutlery too looks like they bought it from the "1 pound shop". Because I have told them in the past that I don't like the stuff and they have only given me more…now I just stay quiet and say thank you.
**When they go home I argue with my husband **who defends them and says the stuff is nice….by the way my husband himself only wears designer clothes even his gym clothes have to be Hugo Boss, Lacoste blah blah….
My husbands pupoo also gave me a suit on Eid…it was sooo cheap and nasty it was embarrassing.
What shall I do…how can I stop this without ending up rowing with the in-laws…I have tried speaking to my MIL but she gets very pissed off.
Also, they know I don't like the clothes coz they have never ever seen me wear any one of them.
Do any of you have this problem?
I am sorry to say but this is typical behavior of a paindoo Desi woman.
Re: Unwanted Gifts from in-laws
lo jee Sparrow BiBi tu hameen batoon main laga ker nikel gaeen kaheen :)
my two cents. i have been facing this prb since the beginning of our marriage... she wud send me clothes in hideous colors imaginable! like shockin orange, yellow, shockin green and all the dark colors. all u guys who say that we shud let them know its not our taste and stuff.... listen... IT DUSNT WORK!!! indirectly and thru my hubby too, i have said many times that i dun like dark colors but she dusnt understand. hubby has his explanation sayin dark colors look gud on gori women thaz y ammi sends it. i dun think so! there is a thin line between dark and extremely tacky dark clothes. anyway...ive noticed the dresses she makes for herself are not that bad... theyre a bit dark but not tacky.. i m not sayin it she dus it on purpose with me but her sense is so bad when it comes to gifting. once i asked her to get me a gul ahmed dress and u wudnt believe.... she got the old print like 2 seasons old and gave it to me. she even had the nerve to say "mein ne jab price suni toh mujhe toh chakkar anay lagay" can u believe that??? the bad news is the dress was orangish peach and HORRIBLE design.
ive also had numerous fights with hubby about this but he defends her. if i wear a dress he dusnt like he criticises me openly but he makes sure he gives a diplomatic answer when his momma sends me anything. ithaz the thing that bothered me like hell... why cant he admit her mom has this bad dressin sense? that wudve really calmed me down... i tell u ... these women are so old, they just dun listen, even if they know we dun like their stuff... and to top it off, she had the nerve to tell me when she came over for 2 months to stay with us, key tumhare bari ke dresses achay toh nahi thay. i was so shocked.. i cud only reply ammi sab ki apni apni pasand. grrrrrrrr!
I am sorry to say but this is typical behavior of a paindoo Desi woman.
i dun agree with you on that. the reason we argue with them is cus we cant tell our MIL directly we despise her dressing sense... so who better to tell than the hubby who can take some action. maybe indirectly he can say i like so and so colors on (wife) etc. my hubby has told her too that i dont like dark colors... but i think she dusnt understand and instinctively or something her hands goes on dark tacky clothes! for eid this year she sent me 2 suits... 1 which i realllllly liked!!! its green in color with a chiffon type duppatta so my hubby told her and i personally told her ammi woh green wala esp bahat zyada pasand aya.. shes like chalo acha howa tumhe pasand agaye... (like she was relieved or something!) so its not like we r complaining all the time... when she sends somethin i really like, i GENUINELY appreciate her but all these yrs she sent me such tacky clothes, i had to push myself to appreciate them.
Re: Unwanted Gifts from in-laws
aaah these girls. some posts daikh ker aisa lagta hai jaisa yee zindagee aur maut ka masla hai … 
Re: Unwanted Gifts from in-laws
mall, there's a difference between telling and arguing. She explicitly mentions she argues with her husband on this.
sparrow i know it can be hard. especially when mil gets her own daughter kick ass suits but gives you see through and cheap ass stuff.
i would just tell her in a polite way and if she doesn't stop just start returning them to her.