unhappy marriage.

[Sara_pathan]

Re: unhappy marriage.

You took my words out of me.

Yes another Nadz in making. :D

OK

Let me try to explain.

Men and women when married, are to be there and should be for the long hall.

Two inivduals get tied in to each other in marriage with their consent. I assume you were too.

You got in to this relation somehow, and acceped the person.

None of your post says anything which shows he is a horrible/terrible person.

I do not think you have anything substantial there to make a case.

*Write one loooong post for all your concerns please and be done with. *

Sorry to be honest and blunt.

well then i would have come here ages ago, its just something thats bothering me now. like i said, i dont feel valued enough, important enough, i dont feel like he would come after me, if we have a fight im the one whose upstairs crying in bed while hes doing his usual normal routine, maybe im over sensitve and dramatic i dont know. but thats the only way i can behave when we are not on talking terms, i feel like i need to sit in my bed all day and be upset, he carries on woith life. i want him to come to me once in his life, cry, or atleast show some affection and understand where im coming from, respect me and my opinions and value me.

[Reha]

Re: unhappy marriage.

Okay, I meant a date night. A romantic date night. An opportunity to see each other as man and woman rather than husband and wife or mommy and daddy all the time. Have you tried to talk to him "pyar se"? If he doesnt respond to a sensible talk then there has to be something right?

[diwana]

Re: unhappy marriage.

well then i would have come here ages ago, its just something thats bothering me now. like i said, i dont feel valued enough, important enough, i dont feel like he would come after me, if we have a fight im the one whose upstairs crying in bed while hes doing his usual normal routine, maybe im over sensitve and dramatic i dont know. but thats the only way i can behave when we are not on talking terms, i feel like i need to sit in my bed all day and be upset, he carries on woith life. i want him to come to me once in his life, cry, or atleast show some affection and understand where im coming from, respect me and my opinions and value me.

My friend,
First, men usually do not cry.

Just because women cry, men do not.

Men do feel bad and understand the situation in general but usually it takes a lot for a man to cry.

OK.

The issues you have brought so far have been very much usual and trivial and yes you do seem to be sensitive. Not that most women are not. Yes they are.

I think he wants to see you as strong person and happy and does not want to encourage you to be so sensitive.

He does have a choice to come to you and show you his affection and be lovey dovey but it might be that he feels you need to grow out of your behavior on your own and be tough.

Don't know what is the difference of age between you two.

*Most men do not show their affection like most women do. *

The moment you learn that, you will feel relaxed and take things more realistically.

It does not appear he hates you or wants to hurt you deliberately (based on yor posts). By this time, you must realize that being upset on these matters is only going to hurt you and your well being.

Try to get over it. Keep the love going in the relation. Keep your head up and enjoy the relation.

Show your love to him not by crying in bed alone, but call him to join you in bed. J/K :)

Also, crying never helps except clearing eyes of dirt and maskara! ;)

*Even if a he does not show affection by words or actions, he may still love you and he will be there to protect you from any real life issues. *

[Wane]

Re: unhappy marriage.

Sara, by the last name of your nick I'm assuming you both are of 'Pathan' background ?

I'm no expert but I'm guessing on the following;

Your Husband has a very strong self-ego issue. He is a born leader and acts like of 'full authority' in life or at least he acts where ever/when ever he can act it. Secondly I'm guessing that you have a very Pretty Personality your self which over whelms him many a times and creates a 'Jealousy'zone (Think about it like a circle or a bubble) each time you share this bubble with him he's Fine, and when you are outside of this circle he will do any thing to either 'draw you out of it or re-enter it with you...

Wow. Psychic? And shabash! Keep on putting worser ideas in her mind. Keep on making life more complex.

[nadz123]

Re: unhappy marriage.

My friend, First, men usually do not cry.

Just because women cry, men do not.

Men do feel bad and understand the situation in general but usually it takes a lot for a man to cry.

OK.

The issues you have brought so far have been very much usual and trivial and yes you do seem to be sensitive. Not that most women are not. Yes they are.

I think he wants to see you as strong person and happy and does not want to encourage you to be so sensitive.

He does have a choice to come to you and show you his affection and be lovey dovey but it might be that he feels you need to grow out of your behavior on your own and be tough.

Don't know what is the difference of age between you two.

*Most men do not show their affection like most women do. *

The moment you learn that, you will feel relaxed and take things more realistically.

It does not appear he hates you or wants to hurt you deliberately (based on yor posts). By this time, you must realize that being upset on these matters is only going to hurt you and your well being.

Try to get over it. Keep the love going in the relation. Keep your head up and enjoy the relation.

Show your love to him not by crying in bed alone, but call him to join you in bed. J/K :)

Also, crying never helps except clearing eyes of dirt and maskara! ;)

*Even if a he does not show affection by words or actions, he may still love you and he will be there to protect you from any real life issues. *

agreed,

by the way does this same advice apply to my daily drama? or will i just shot?

[diwana]

Re: unhappy marriage.

agreed,

by the way does this same advice apply to my daily drama? or will i just shot?

Yes.

Didn't get the bold part. Sorry. Please clarify. :)

[Reha]

Re: unhappy marriage.

I think most men do show some sort of affection to their spouses.

[nadz123]

Re: unhappy marriage.

I think most men do show some sort of affection to their spouses.

in what way?

[Lusi]

Re: unhappy marriage.

for example by helping with kids, house hold chores, trying to have a them time---even if it is for 10 mins.

[Reha]

Re: unhappy marriage.

in what way?

Like love...hugs...being there for each other...ek doosray ki ziddein poori karna...joking around...laughing...are these things unreasonable to expect?

[Jolie]

Re: unhappy marriage.

How long you've been married for?

Is you husband aware of the fact you are a sensitive individual (as you believe)? Has he tried to embrace your sensitivity and made genuine balmy efforts to deal with your sensitivity for your own sake or he is aware that you are a senstive individual but decided to adopt the good ol' method of ignore and supress your vulnerability?

Secondly, I'd suggest you to take couple of weeks long holidays. Sometimes the absence does make the heart grow fonder.

[diwana]

Re: unhappy marriage.

I think most men do show some sort of affection to their spouses.

Yes.

Like love...hugs...being there for each other...ek doosray ki ziddein poori karna...joking around...laughing...are these things unreasonable to expect?

Its good to have those things and both husband a wife do enjoy such acts but these do not really show REAL love. These could be TEMPORARY emotional show off.

Men or women who do these things may have superficial love and** may run away when real problems arise in relationship.

**

[S02]

Re: unhappy marriage.

Sara,

This sounds like a rough patch, and I think it is pretty normal for most marriages. How long have you been married? Did you just have your first child? Is this behavior different from before?

Hubby and I have had moments like this too. I'm the type to stress. And he's the type to keep it all in, until something small sets him off. Well, it took a moment like that to get us to talk about it. Other times I tried talking about things that were bothering me, I don't think either of us really opened up enough. Marriage involves a lot of complex interactions, and the relationship changes and evolves. If you don't like where it's at, the answer is not to say, "I married the wrong person." The answer is to see if you can change the way you are interacting with each other. To start going back to a relationship where you were supportive partners rather than adversaries. Moments like this occur. But it is up to us to keep them from defining the marriage.

[CorruptAngel]

Re: unhappy marriage.

LOL

Am I the only person who doesn't see a real issue in this marriage?

[English_lady]

Re: unhappy marriage.

@Sara_pathan

It is not the big things, maybe you wed-locked folks all suffer this. I dont know. Hes a 90percent good man, however its the small things that are making me unhappy. I am not sure if they are indeed small or not.
Like, when he asks for something for example to turn the tv off and lets sleep, he will expect me to turn it off asap, rather than me say, not yet i want to watch it, even if he says ok, hel sulk about it. just now, he was making the baby sleep while i was watching something ( its not a daily habit just some drama i like comes on once a week) and he was saying when does it finish, i said 1min, now after that 1min i went to clear up the other room and put the washing out, after few mins he got angry and was telling me off, he wouldve shouted had baby not been aslp/and others in house not aslp, anyway his voice was loud enough for baby to hear who woke up crying, and he just put her on her cot and told me to put her to slp, the way he put her into her cot, not in a gentle way, ok so he didnt slam her in, but gussein mein kiya, was enough. almost as if he couldve taken his anger out. didnt even understand what hes angry about.
other things like his manner can be harsh/quiet, he talks very formly to me in front of others, hes a very formal person, never gets involved in gupshup with people, keeps himself to himself. hes different when we alone, but i want him like that all the time. not so formal.
if i cook something and if he doesnt want to taste it, he wont.
if i ask him something, hel say ok ok in aminute in aminute..never when i ask.
if i ask the question why…to anything, he gets angry and says why u asking why…

ps.I never make him turn off tv, or whatever. even if i say stop playing games ( ps3) he will say ok one more game…sometimes he does listen, but he will still play until his interest finished then he will say ok you stop whatever ur doing too…

I had enough. I wish i never married him.

nothing of a bid issue try to cope with it i have the same problem u said 95% good person bass theek hay to bury adat b to hain na ab kiya kar saktay hain
actually i was laughing at the tv issue coz its ditto with me tooo .
chillllll sara
u know sara iam expecting but he never understands me i never got a chance to get naraz with him bcoz if i do his mood automaticallly gets oof so kon mananay aye wo to khud hi naraz ho jatay hain
he dont know any mood swings during pregnency he says i have to say yes to his each and every point reason y i said all this to u is that dont get stressed hota hay bohat logo kay saath .So i dont take it very important as i love him soo soo much and he has his very good qualities.
these are homely maslay.

[sarab]

Re: unhappy marriage.

@CorruptAngel

LOL

Am I the only person who doesn't see a real issue in this marriage?

I don't see any major issue, just two sleep deprived people getting on each others nerves. Why do babies have to ruin everything, your figure, your sex life, everything. I still want a football team though.
Maybe sara and her husband should go away for a few days to a hotel without any distraction from baby or ps3, they can try and reconnect as a couple.

[nadz123]

Re: unhappy marriage.

omg, same same same.

Especially the tv thingy.

HE plays games on ps3, wii, and then watches tv for 4 hours, and then he says `im soooo tireddddddddddddd sone do...and whats even more damn annoying, hes now bought the bloodyyyy iphone.....and HE PLAYS GAMES ON THAT TOO -and woh bi after hes played games on ps3 and wii......

if we women behave this way, im sure we wouldnt be alive to tell the story....:O

[sarab]

Re: unhappy marriage.

I can't imagine any husband would continue to play video games if his wife put on some sexy nightwear and belly danced infront of the screen.

[NomiCA]

Re: unhappy marriage.

@sarab

I can't imagine any husband would continue to play video games if his wife put on some sexy nightwear and belly danced infront of the screen.

its entirely possible.......when at the advanced stages of gameplay.....:D

[rizla86]

Re: unhappy marriage.

@sarab

I can’t imagine any husband would continue to play video games if his wife put on some sexy nightwear and belly danced infront of the screen.

You’re a smart woman