Tough situation

Lifestyle Relationships
41

Don't do abortion. Abortion is MURDER.

The girl was stupid but the baby is not at fault here.

There are plently of single mom's in USA and plently that have remarried with no problems.

42

Re: Tough situation

so I have a recommendation, here are my assumption based on general desi society

1) the child will not be respected in the community
2) it may be a major cause of embarassment and stress for parents
3) the girl would be mocked and ridiculed

so she has to deal with this situation one way or the other

but having the child in secret and giving up for adoption would give the kid a loving home
parents dont have to deal with crap from community
girl does not have to deal with crap from community

while this is something that will defintely impact her and her family, the approach above has the higher positives for everyone involved. yeah it will be tough

now if her family is non chalant about this stuff and its not a huge issue in their social circle and community, then keep the kid, have help from parents to raise it.

43

Re: Tough situation

If her family/community isn't supportive, she may want to consider moving to another city and start a new life. I know a family who's daughter went through that. She and the mother moved to another city, she got a job there, a little apartment.... basically the mom went back and forth until the girl had the baby. After that, the girl continued working while the parents took the baby back with them and told some story of how they adopted some family member's child as a gesture of financial support... well I don't know how and if that could work in this case, but I thought I'd mention it here.

44

Re: Tough situation

I agree with X2, abortion should be one of the options that she shud consider.

Afterall, people abort kids with serious physical problems who are deemed to have a poor quality of life, and i think if serious emotional problems are likely then why shud it be treated any different.

Its easier to advocate virtue when you don't have to do it yourself.

I agree with piyare si also, how come in this age when manages to get pregnant.

45

Re: Tough situation

^Spot on

46

it all start when that young little princess start to adopt westren lifestyle and parents are so proud of with the 'oh humari behti tu belkol gori lag rahi hai" statement. They let them wear whatever type of cloths they want to wear and have any type of frds they want to have

K I am not totally against the idea of wearing western dress but I modify it into wat Islamic teachings tell us.

Nxt step comes friends… some parents don’t mind if their young daughter is socializing with girls who are from different religion (the only thing that worries me is that kids don’t know much abt their religion so when they are friends with Christian or Sikh they start to adopt to certain habits that are unislamic.

Then they start to go frinds’ parties and start to go out with those friends. Then these girls who are not Muslim and are given totally different values. They do date guys and have guy friends. They start to ask questions to those Muslim friends that why don’t u have a bf and some start to play with their mind by telling them that so and so is I think into u…. I think he loves u…. and that young girl is so influenced by these girls that she doesn’t care a bit about her own values. She knows its wrong that’s why she hides it from her parents…. Once she is a little older she starts to date these guys…. Some family don’t mind their daughters to have guy friends so when they are infatuated by some guy she openly starts to date…. Parents think they are friends or maybe they both gona marry later on but these girls fall into this trap.

And then we get this situation.

I don’t have any sympathy for this girl. She asked for it and she got.
But after taking all the wrong steps yet she is taking another wrong decision.
And what exactly this grandma is doing by supporting her. What kind of well wisher would want her to take another wrong step.

she is preparing herself for a bigger disaster .......
I don’t think option for aborting is there as its not allowed in islam unless her own health is in danger.

Yeh she has committed a sin but she can’t undo it with another sin by aborting.

The only option I see is that she needs to tell her parents what had happened and she needs to find out the guy who was involved in the act with her. That is the only option she has.

Once she finds him she needs to get married to him.

Even if she go ahead with the idea of raising the kid on her own and with her grandma’s help who is willing to support her financially. But she needs to think that our society and our religion doesn’t accept it.

That kid will never be accepted in the society. Think about the poor soul why she wants him to go through so much pain. Once he finds out that he wasn’t legitimate child how he is gona feel….. wat if she has a girl. What is she gona do then. how is she gona marry her off?

Unless she decides to raise the kid with all the westren values and then he'll give a damn abt being legitimate or illegitimate but then do remind her that a kid who is brought up with westren values doesnt also give a damn abt parents once they are 18. Do show her that side of the picture too....

I don’t see any kind of satisfaction and happiness in her future……instead of telling her that she can get all the love she want from this child and she'll be very happy with him/her ... show her the real picture.

Yes/No Game
47

Re: Tough situation

^ hey shotgun wedding is always an option.

48

Re: Tough situation

Guys, as far as abortion goes, it is upto the girl to decide whether or not she wants to go through with it. I cannot pass judgments on her, but if she committed zina I am not sure how strong she is Islamically and if she cares what Islam says about abortion.

I think she needs to find the father of her child and marry him. They need to sit down and talk things out on a very serious note. Being a single mother in today's day and age and society is very difficult and I wish her all the luck in the world but what's done is done. She needs to let an elder person know of her actions and make a decision fast.

49

you prolly must have read wrong. I AM NOT promoting zinaa here! i was just saying she is really wanted to sleep with this guy she could of been a tad bit smarter and could have used protection!

and yet AGAIN lets not make ABORTION her option!!

50

Re: Tough situation

making a mistake is one thing
living with it for the rest of your life is not exactly brave / courageous in my book...

we call such people dheet and not heroes / role models...

If you were to participate in one reality show. .
If you were to participate in one reality show. .
51

Re: Tough situation

Since everyone presented their views, I suggest you contact a scholar who deal with these cases day to day. I only say this because you mentioned she’s a muslim.. here is the contact info (UK timings) http://www.daruliftaa.com/contactus.as - Mufti Muhammad

52

I support Single Moms :aliyish1:

53

why not? all available options have to be shared with the girl and she needs to make her choice by her convictions. you can add editorial comments that thios option exists and note pros and cons, but not sharing it with her is not cool either.

and then you may say well that you would not want to give someone advise if you dont believe in it, and I can respect that. But surely you can not then stop others from suggesting that as a possible option.

54

Re: Tough situation

if it is a consensually conceived child, and if she wants to bring the child to the full term, then, no one can deprive the single parent of the right to have the child.
with that, she must be singly responsible for the well being of the child, regardless of whether the person who fathers the child, is no longer to be found any where.

the part where an individual's already done deed is not actual desctruction, but a symbol of creation, there is no one except God, who can interrupt the child's life from its mom's womb to this world.

55

Re: Tough situation

1) accidents are not consent..
2) God allows it per diff scholars (diff conditions and time limits apply)

56

yes i agree and i respect ur opinion as well. but abortion is murder a bigger gunnah than wat she has already commited

57

abortion within a specific time limit has been okayed by scholars (durations may vary and have ranged from 40 days to first trimester). some scholars believe it is not allowed unless there is danger to the mother or the baby has no chance etc..u may want to read up. Some say its not allowed period.

There appears to be no uniform ruling on this, so we cant just present one view as the only islamic view on the topic.

58

Re: Tough situation

Children are a blessing, if not for her then for someone else.

She should have the baby and then give him/her to a good family who is ready to raise a child. The baby is not at fault but will be the victim if she keeps him/her...unless she moves to a different country and starts a new life there. Keeping her baby might seem right to her but the sacrifices are huge and I dont know if she is ready for them.

Abortion is not right in my eyes but in certain situations I can see how it would seem like the best route. In this case Riya, I believe its not.

We all make mistakes but then learn from them, hopefully.

Lots of luck to your friend.

59

Though a lot of mothers say in anger or jokingly they should have had an abortion, one should really think about it if someone really wants to do it.

I once saw pictures of how they do abortions. When I saw those, I was definitely against it. Better to avoid it, if possible.

On this site they show how the foetus looks like, how it’s developped during different stages of pregnancy, when it’s still aborted:

Abortion Methods - How Different Types of Surgical Abortions are Performed

Here you actually see pics of aborted babies, if you are thinking about abortion, you definitely won’t do it after watching these and reading the stories on this website:

Abortions – The Truth

60

Re: Tough situation

the girl should do a lot of touba but somehow she seems affected by indian movies feeling proud to keep the memory of past love.anyways abortion is a gunnah n one sin after another can't b justified.She should however pray k uski beti na ho otherwise society will make thats girls live really miserable"maa aisi thee tu beti kaisi ho gee".a boy would anyhow survive.batain tu khair usay bhi sunni perain gee.May b she should move to a total gori population where nobody cares for such things.She might make a support system there.After birth she can move back n the family can make up a story abt she got married n then divo etc.Was the guy a muslim himself or from some other religion.coz if a muslim then finding him n convincing him to marriage can b one option as well.Parents should keep a very good eye on their daughters activities.U know wat that girl did us ka sara gunnah us k parents ko bhi jaaiy ga esp the father as wali of an unmarried girl.khud tu apni aqbat kharab ki saath parents ki bhi ki.

Is indian culture dominated by Muslim religion?