Tough situation

Lifestyle Relationships
61

Thanks for the shock value, but first of all no one suggested to have an abortion if she is in secodn trimester anyways. I already noted that in opinion of some scholars within first trimester is allowed and according to others within 40 days etc.

and what pics tell the story of emotional scars her parents will have to face, or the child or even herself.

The day desi society matures enough that they would not taunt and jeer this child or her parents let me know.

I can post pics of how they do circumcision and I suppose that will then prevent ppl from doing that to their boys.

Relished Feasts
62

okay let me try urdu this time

agarchay kuch ulema kay mutabiq yeh bilkul ghalat hai, kuch aur ulema chalees din kay undar abortion ko ghalat naheen samajhtay. Mazeed, kuch ulema pehlay teen maheenay mein bhi is to ghalat naheen samajhtay. Logon ki marzi hai keh woh jis aalim ki baat sunain laikin jab dossron ko bata rahay hon toh sirf aik baat aisay naheen bata saktay jaisay keh is maamlay mein koi aur nazaryaat hon hi naheen.

nawazish.

63

Re: Tough situation

if girls were .001% smarter they could save them selves from lots of trouble.

64

Re: Tough situation

I think she should consider abortion,or she can do,as PSquared said that,she can move to a different place,give birth to the child,and give him/her to a good family who would be willing to raise the child.

65

buhat karam,mehrbaani jo aap ne urdu main samjhaya.bhai sahab i follow the hanafi fiqh only n as far i know it doesn't allow at all but ager aap ki knowledge theek hai tu may b that girl should consult some imam n take an immediate step.ager allowed hai tu is se behter hul aur koi nahi ho sakta but looks like the girl is proud of her deed n wanna keep the baby n is telling around ppl n discussing openly.had ho gayee baisharmee ki...

Behaviour of the Wife
66

Re: Tough situation

Let me clarify here: The girl in question is of Albanian background, Muslim yes, but only by name. Hardly practices religion or follows it even. The same is with her parents. But the whole out of wedlock kid would still come as a big shock and disgrace to her family. So the abortion thing can be considered as they dont really follow Islam much anyways. I have spoken to her and advised her to tell her grandmother as soon as possible all the while trying to at least contact or inform the father of the baby (her ex bf). She is unwilling to even consider giving the child up and as of this moment is thinking of giving birth to the baby and having her grandmother take the baby and go raise it in Albania for the first couple of years. She is hoping that her parents will accept this decision and allow her to continue to stay in their home and finish up her education. Once she's done with that, she plans on bringing the baby back here or going there herself.

There is no plan b in case things dont go the way she has assumed in her mind.

Lets hope for her sake and the baby's that the family is willing to help her out and support her.

67

umm ... and how far along she is?

Timepass - November 2012
68

So ye kehna tha na Shes not Pakistani n religion means nothing to her.we were worried for nothing.yea now she can do watever...

69

Re: Tough situation

7 1/2 weeks.

70

Hmm it really is a tough situation. She got herself into some serious mess. The easiest way out for her will be an abortion, especially when the father is not supportive. She still has time for that. Abortion after the first trimester can cause serious medical complications, and is very challenging emotionally and morally.

However, if she is willing to make a lifetime commitment of bringing a child into this world and raising him/her on her own, then all power to her. Ask her to put emotions aside and think very straight. Is she ready to become a single parent in 7 months? Raising a child is no monkey business, it's hard work. And there is no turning back after the baby is born.

71

Re: Tough situation

This girl is asking you what the chances of a happy and stable life are? I mean, how do you measure happiness and stability? They are both subjective and there are various types of stability. It may be challenging to raise a child all by herself as a single parent.....and the absence of a father will affect the child. But, it's do-able......there are thousands of single parents raising children.......it's tougher but they've managed. If she's dedicated to raising the child and being a good mother, they can have a happy life.

But being that she's single and muslim and has a child out of wedlock....it will ruin her reputation in the community and can hinder her chances of getting married.....and she'll have to deal with wagging tongues. If she hasn't finished school she'll have to complete education whilst raising a child while also working.

It seems your friend doesn't mind the stained reputation bit...as she feels happy about having a child to love. If she can handle the gossip and looks from society....it'll make things easier....although its an uncomfortable situation. I don't know. The idea of happy varies from day to day from person to person and situation to situation. The only one to answer that question is her and that too after she has the baby.

I do think that something was missing from this girl's childhood. She's so excited about having a baby and feels excited about "having someone of her own to love and who will love her back unconditionally." Most Muslim girls would be freakin out if they got pregnant out of wedlock. I get the feeling this girl was lacking love from her parents or feels there is a void in her life.........which is why she feels that this baby can fulfill that void for her. Something was lacking in her upbringing.

The "Mahdern" Pakistani man
72

Re: Tough situation

All those posters issuing 'fatwas' against abortion - lets take a minute and do a self-assessment to see if we've EVER gone against the religion to save our skin. Preaching a virtue is the easiest and most convenient thing to do, practicing it is another ball game. The girl definitely has committed a sin, 'zina', or whatever you are prosecuting her for, but lets keep the focus on how the girl and her family can have a normal life and not be a social outcast and be treated like shyt by all of us. If she has a chance, she should take it.

73

Re: Tough situation

I think her parents need to know ASAP. They need to handle the situation as they along with her see fit. I agree with the giving the child up for adoption intead of believing that se wants the child to give "unconditional love" to her. The child did not ask for that and sure is not his/her responsibility to do that for her.She has to fill that void in herself and do a lot of Growing up now that she has created a grown up situation for herself and her parents. May Allah Mian give her parents and her sabr and wisdom to deal with such a situation to the best.

74

This is off topic, but unconditional love is something I personally have been looking for. To me it would be, that someone loves you without wanting to use you, someone who really loves you because of you. I disagree with you that a child couldn't give unconditional love, it could do that when it's not forced and when the relationship with the parent(s) is oké.

I think only your own children are capable of that, but only if you treat your children as children, as human beings. We as parents, shouldn't force our children into something that would make them unhappy. We should teach them what we know. But not force them, we should also listen to what they have to say and respect their opinions, even if they are younger. We should try to understand our children.

When you have a better relationship with your children, I think they are probably the only ones to love unconditionally. If I would buy my children something or cook something for them, they would never falsely accuse me of "wanting something from them", that's just one example. I think the relationship with your own children is one of the 'safest' relationships possible, but only if you as a parent give your child what your child needs.

Children are humans, they have feelings and opinions, they want to be heard, they want to be taken seriously too. Even though they don't understand many things yet, we should treat them as humans instead of only ordering them around and forcing them into decisions that would only hurt them. They don't necesarily have to agree with us.

I think certain cases, children can comfort their parents, if the relationship between them is oké. It doesn't mean that the children can't have their own life. They should have their own lifes and their own choices.

Unconditional love is something I've never found with anyone, only finding that now with my own children.

But every situation is different of course. And everyone has a different opinion. This is just my opinion about parents and children and unconditional love.